I’m eating healthier and running more so far a year on. However, in between that I know I am more sedentary in general and give life less mental and physical input.
You can’t be expected to fling yourself into a super healthy state, just when feeling your most knackered. Though the advice is to keep up with, or start exercising to feel better and have more energy, I can say I have not found this to be the case and I know that a gym day was often followed by a sofa-surfing day. The energy buzz after exercise lasts maybe a couple of hours, but the tiredness from it hits you the day after. I suppose I keep doing it as in the gym I’m proving to myself that I can still do stuff and progress in the moment, even though you pay for it later. Hopefully, in the long run, it will help to stay healthier.
If we were scoring points for most inappropriate response I think that one would be hard to beat. Xx
I also had this experience - there’s a big thread on here about imposter syndrome and you could also look for The Mountain Lion Story.
What they say makes more sense in retrospect but at the time it really messes with your head . Several years down the road I know I’ve been lucky ( so far !) but I felt anything but at the time and I was very angry and at one point all over the place.
I like to think I’ve become a better listener also as a result of it all - it’s a skill that’s sadly lacking in this world especially with social media constantly encouraging us to be constantly promoting ourselves and talking about our lives - listening gets forgotten. Xx
That’s great - I’ve sadly kinda gone in the opposite direction, given that I was really active before this & still ended up here so have started to feel like “f**k it all”. Was a pretty strong cyclist, yogi, loved swimming & reformer pilates. Been vegi my whole life. So everytime someone tells me to “eat well” - I really do have to refrain. 
Yup… everyone suddenly becomes a cancer expert don’t they?!
I’ve just remembered another one:
“Why don’t you just have them both off - I would!”
Yeah, it’s no biggie! Unless you’re in my position you have no idea love!! I loved my boobs and was desperately sad to have one removed and the other tampered with so I now can’t feel anything… what makes people think they know what they’d do if they’ve never been in that situation?
Loving this thread - feeling super protective of you all - what ridiculous things we’ve all had to hear from family and ‘friends’ 🩷🩷
Good job I’m ‘positive’ person 
I’ve not long got home from work & read all these comments. I’ve gasped, I’ve laughed, I’ve teared up & I have felt such a connection with you all & as @diddy1 just said so beautifully, super protective of everyone here in the club that no one wants to join.
I know I’ve been guilty of not saying the right thing in the past, with all the best will in the world, it’s hard to know what to say in some situations and we don’t always get it right. I will definitely be more mindful in future. But some of the comments people have said are way beyond! And I agree that absolutely no one should tell any one else what they should or shouldn’t do of how they should feel or think. I shared some of my concerns with my friend last night & she said “but you mustn’t think like that, you must be positive & fight it like I know you can” When I said that you can’t help it, your mind goes everywhere, it’s just human nature she said “oh I know, if it was me I’d be going out of my mind”!!! Well don’t bloody lecture me how I should feel!! FFS! 
I had endless people telling me about people they knew who had died of BC, with one even saying “yes, I was the one who found her - stone cold in her bed”. I was particularly freaked out about Mets when I was first diagnosed and whilst I have tried to keep it all to nearest and dearest, I’m amazed at how many people have said “yes, it could come back but then I could get diagnosed with cancer myself tomorrow, there’s no point worrying”. They just don’t get that whilst there is a potential threat to them, there is an actual threat to us. But three years on I have calmed down a lot so it’s in one ear and out the other these days.
Hello fellow brave warriors 
I’ve had:
- After 1st mastectomy re. Prostheses, “Ooh you can be any size you want now!”
- From my daughter’s 9 year old friend who, bless her, didn’t know what to say on giving me a hug, “Congratulations on your cancer”
- Mother-in-law on chemo hair loss…”Well it’s winter so no-one will notice you wearing hats”
Bx
I had a doozy!
I was out with a group of friends - I’m more friendly with some than others.
After a fair bit of wine, one of the women I don’t know well started singing and dancing to the song that was playing. She pointed at me as she was singing, and made that little heart gesture with her hands.
The song was " I will survive"
I’m so glad I had the presence of mind to say " thanks … but I wasn’t aware I was dying!"
That’s exactly what it is. Potential vs actual. Thank you so much for putting that so perfectly - I have had “none of us know how long we’ve got” many times & couldn’t quite pin point what was so triggering about it.
Xx
I’m sorry but I did ‘bless her’ over your daughters’s young friend. Let’s hope she doesn’t remember that as she grows up with a shrivelling of the bowels!
Same here @Tigress 🩷 and I’d genuinely rather that than all the other stupid things that have been said! 🩷
Absolutely 
Me to sonographer, lying on bed with breasts exposed, ready for mid neoadjuvant chemo ultrasound " will that big dent in my breast where biopsy was taken look better over time?" Sonographer to me in curt tone " If you think that looks bad, wait until you have the surgery, it’ll look much worse".
What a cow!
When I was explaining to someone that I have DCIS, and they kind of cut me off saying “Well that’s not cancer”.
Hmm, hospital cancer leaflets sat next to her on my dining table, whilst I was thinking if it’s not cancer then why am I having an urgent operation?, with possible radiotherapy/medication?.
My sister on the whole has been good, though… had a subtle dig “it’s all about being positive like Jessie J” and “other people are having stresses” (in relation to my niece not being able to decide whether to have her birthday party before or after she starts Uni)
I also have a bug bear with some friends who think in their mind they’re being really supportive but in fact they just send irregular texts asking how I’m getting on and that I’m in their thoughts, even though they forgot when I was having my operation etc…
Thank goodness for forums 
xx
OMG. . . I have genuinely been horrified by some of the things that those “caring” for us have said. I left the hospital post surgery due to the distinct lack of it.
Aha, the irregular texts. Lots of mine have gone silent after chemotherapy ended as they seem to think that’s the end. Sighhhh - if only.
My BCN at biopsy results appointment , casually said “you going back to work after the appointment” like it was completely normal to head straight back to work v after the stress of waiting and being told of your diagnosis?!
But then at a future interaction when I said I planned to have a holiday 4 weeks after the op, she said “we’ll have to see about that”
I respect your need to say “f**k it all”. You can do all the right stuff in life and still s–t happens. During treatment- and sometimes for a long time after when robbed of hormones - the last thing you want to do is exercise when you are guaranteed to sweat more than you ever did. Its fair to chill and pamper yourself when just getting through the day is enough effort. I think the only reason I didn’t put weight on till after radiotherapy was the tamoxifen making me feel sick so I ate less. Put a fair bit on after radiotherapy, as I found I only had it in me to do half a pre-radio workout. I gave up the tamoxifen, so got my appetite back - the side-effects were just not worth the small benefit to me.
I will say that I think keeping up with doing what I could manage at the time in the gym, helped my state of mind usually - sometimes it can be annoying how fitness seems nowhere near what it used to be. You had a high bar to start with, I didn’t do anywhere near your level of exercise prior (though I was fairly active).
I hope you get your mojo back in time, as really, you probably didn’t do all the cycling and yoga etc. just to stave off a cancer diagnosis. You probably enjoyed doing it at the time, and I hope you find a way back to it, but if not, that is your perogative.