Wow!!! 
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Thankfully, those that made comments, good and bad have been from friends or family. And as annoying and thoughtless some can be, I try to remember they really don’t mean to be offensive or upsetting. I sometimes wonder how and when I have probably done the same, with good intentions. “Try” being the key word.
I’m 12 months down the line, had my main treatment. My friends and family think it’s over now and how “lucky” I was not to need more extensive treatment.
I don’t tell them about my worries of recurrence, the discomfort in my armpit, my swollen breast from radiotherapy, my fatigue, my newly aching joints or any other symptom which is somehow related to breast cancer treatment……because it’s over now.
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Have to say, I agree with all the comments here. The stupid things people say are hard to take in.
My breast nurse (no disrespect to other nurses) showed me a booklet re: different types of breast cancer, immediately after being diagnosed with a cancer following a biopsy I had just had and said - ‘this is the cancer we don’t want you to have’. She even circled it in red pen. When the biopsy results came back guess which cancer I had? Yep.
Then she told me I wouldn’t need radiotherapy which was a positive in the depths of the dark months I’d had. Guess what I needed? Yep. I cried all day, that day. The things she said depressed me more than the cancer at the time.
A clinical nurse put in for an ‘urgent wig referral’ as she thought I was distressed at losing my hair! You don’t say! When I got to the appointment, there was no referral and I had to wait for someone to be called in.
I had a very good friend sending me cancer beating recipes. My mum in law asked why I was teary after round 2 of chemo. 
When I told my boss I had cancer and needed a mastectomy, she said - ‘well at least you know what you’re dealing with!’ She had no idea what my head and body was going through. Trying to cope with diagnosis, surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and ongoing treatment with the ever present worry of recurrence, and in and amongst it all, returning to work wearing a wig and prosthesis - what did she know about what I was dealing with?
I also hate the ‘you’re so brave!’ comment. We’re not. We haven’t a choice!
So I’ve had my fair share of stupid comments! I know people think they’re saying the right thing but oh my goodness…
We are strong though, not in the way people intend it to mean when they tell us, more in the way we don’t lose it when we hear such flippant comments.
Onward and upwards!!!
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I had a lovely nurse yesterday say to me oh don’t be bloody positive all the time. She said were you positive every moment of your life prior to diagnosis and I said no and she said then why on earth should you be positive every moment through your worst nightmare. Really hit me that she’s right.
Then a text from a friend this evening who has gone from speaking to me regularly to hardly anything over the past few months say how you feeling is it getting easier and when are you going to come round and see the boys. Her two kids under 5. Hmmm I’m 2 weeks post mastectomy with diep flap, have wonky boobs, no nipple and a 22 inch incision from hip to hip. In a lot of pain, scared shitless going on tamoxifen for 5 years and now having biopsies for lymph node involvement. Nope, not really getting easier. Nope don’t really want to be around children at the moment as my body is a mess.
Haha when’s it ok to just go I want to sit in my pants on the sofa, eat ice cream, watch junk and say bugger off to everyone!!
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She should be the one visiting you - preferably without her children for now.
There’s always going to be guffaws made, not least because a proportion of people in life are ND and socially awkward. The inappropriate responses say more about other people. I do wish society would recognise that having cancer does not make people suddenly brave though. The other stuff I can laugh at, especially some howlers.
I think they don’t understand as they don’t see the tears on scan days or see the anxiety when waiting for results. Or know that feeling when results come back and perhaps are not what you’d hoped. I think my husband is really the only person who I’ve let see the good bad and ugly. He knows how fragile I am at the moment and how utterly beaten I feel at times.
I don’t think people realise the mental strain this journey has and that you feel like you’re just being dragged along dreading the next part of the journey. Shit scared and overwhelmed and that actually it’s ok to feel
like that.
I work for a large financial firm and when I go back to work hopefully in November I’ve discussed with HR about doing a bit of a lunch and learn session with a few of my colleagues that sadly are also in this club with us on how to support your loved ones when they join the club.
We are just going to share what helped, what didn’t and how they could think about helping their friends and loved ones if something happens. It will only reach a few hundred people but if that few hundred then can maybe just adapt a little… you never know
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I am so sorry that you had to hear such nonsense from people who are either ignorant, clueless or so self centered they can’t even try to understand where your head might be right now and put a filter on their darn mouth! I’ve not had CA before but I lost my first born child about 25 years ago and I’ve had two repeated stupid things over those 25 years. One is the question, “Oh how did he die?” REALLY…? The other is, “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear.” I swear if one more person says that to me I’m going to punch them in the face!
Here’s to all of us being able to have deaf ears towards stupid people.
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Just another thought on this excellent thread with many different comments. I agree not everyone has a faith , but to those of us who have, we have someone else to lean on. We all are on very different journeys, with different outcomes. Perhaps if someone offers an odd or unwelcome comment, pray for them. If someone asks how you are and if you are in need of anything , perhaps ask for prayer and moral support. It might just help. 
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