Hi yes i know what you mean i had all those silly comments , i just think some people dont know how to react to such horrible news and dont think before they open theyre mouths . Just dont worty about them and take care of yourself . Best of luck 
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Hi Jolm
Your words could be my own honestly reading so many replies! I was diagnosed in June and since then I have found myself withdrawing slowly, yesterday I had an oncology appointment I’ve told one other person than my husband because I simply feel exhausted from the comments people make I try to think they just dont know what to say… one of whom I supported through skin cancer and is the absolute opposite of compassionate… 
Having now digested the info from yesterday I have decided to go it alone from here on in… if Im compared or told to cheer up (when Im actually feeling upbeat) once more I think I might scream outloud.
So thank you this thread…i hope you are all taking care big hug x
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Hi @anreda and welcome to the forum. My, you have a lot of things to deal with and it makes it doubly difficult to get through when the people that you are close to don’t fully appreciate what you’re facing. Keep posting here, not all of us have the same challenges as you but there will always be someone who has faced similar situations. For those of us who haven’t, we’ll just chuck love and support your way.
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I had the same as you ie ILC, stage 1, grade 2 and when I told someone I was to have a lumpectomy and radiotherapy, their reply was “that’s great, at least you don’t have to have a mastectomy”! Great??? Really?! I had to bite my tongue to stop me telling her what I thought of that remark!
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Oh I’ve heard it all lol!!!
Still happens now I’ve finished treatment! The one that really annoys me is “your hair looks lovely” Now I know they’re just trying to be nice, but they’ve already said it the 6 previous time I’ve seen them! It doesn’t look lovely, I look like a bloke and I hate it and they know I hate it, so why comment and bring attention to it! Drives me insane
I had very long thick hair before chemo and while I had no problem losing it for life saving treatment, it’s the one thing that I’m left looking at everyday in the mirror and so still don’t feel myself! STOP MENTIONING THE HAIR LOL!!!
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Jessie J Mmmm kept her hair, advertises to everyone, attention seeking look at me, fine that is how she is, but not how everyone is, and breast cancer is not a blanket disease it is completely different for every person even if someone has the same size lump, same drugs, op etc. some people like to be seen and heard being supportive more than the actual effect on that person with the big C. True what they used to say, if you need to speak to someone in the early hours of the morning how many of your friends would really listen?
Minnie
Hello everyone. I am fairly new to this club and this thread has given me great solace. I have only disclosed my diagnosis to a few selected friends and some on a need to know basis. Mostly I have had the sort of reactions that I would have hoped for but a few howlers too! It has reinforced my decision to keep my diagnosis to this limited group of friends. Maybe I will share the news more after my mastectomy but I think I am super sensitive during this awful time of waiting for treatment to start. Thank you for being there x
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Hey I just read your story . It’s ok to be worried because no one knows what’s it’s like until you experience it . I’m a year and a half from breast cancer . I take it one day at a time and I pray . We all need to be there for each other because this journey is scary but there is lots of hope we should have . Breast cancer is cureable . We just live every day the best we can and as you said be thankful beyond thankful. When I ask a question to the doctor I always reply I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal because this is the first time for me to have breast cancer . It’s all new. Praying for you .
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So out for lunch yesterday and my longest standing friend, known each other since we were 11yrs, now 67! Decided to ask me why did i nother having my implant replaced.
Is it worth the pain/ infection?
Why not just leave it empty.
So now im thinking did i have it replaced for vanity?
Should i accept i dont need a left boob after all im 67?
Im now thinking should i have adked for both removing whilst i was under anaesthetic.
Got it over with
Amazing what a simple statement of “why did you get the implant replaced?”
Can trigger!
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I get what you are saying I am waiting biopsy results for DCIS i should know something this Friday and I saw my Dad today he asked how i was and I said struggling and he said ‘oh it wont be cancer’ i just thought what an idiot!!! How can you just dismiss it like that its stupid!!
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I know how frustrating such reactions can be… My father was repeating the same. And that noone in our family had had breast cancer - implying it was impossible for me to have it. If only it were so simple… I think our parents seek consolation also (or even mostly) for themselves.
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Thankyou for your reply, its a very lonely place waiting to find out a diagnosis if any 
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Bless you. Any diagnosis is scary. And you are likely to worry.
Yes people who have never had a cancer diagnosis are the most unreasonable and say the most stupid of things and get upset if you say so. However like death, like cancer are not subjects we are taught about and how we can be supportive. It stems from our Victorian grandparents etc who hushed up everything that was not seen to be normal. I have lost friends because of my cancer diagnosis. And my Dad died last year of secondary prostrate cancer. My mother never acknowledged that he was poorly, didn’t sit with him or even engage with the carers who were looking after Dad. Then when he died she then transferred her ignorance to me. According to her I don’t have secondary breast cancer and I’m not receiving treatment that drains my energy levels. So She is blocked. I don’t need that kind of negative behaviour. There is lots of history behind the decision (so I don’t want any negative come backs from anyone).
But I will say to anyone going through cancer treatment you are your priority every time. Only allow those who give value to you should be considered any value in your life. So I wish you all the best with the other tests.
But you have a safe space speak here.
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Ah these comments sound all too
Familiar! The most insensitive moment i had was when a friend of mine said I should stop talking about the negative facts of my cancer (which as triple negative has a higher chance of returning) because I may manifest it!!! Honestly bonkers!!! Im all for thinking positive but even that may not out-way the facts! it is infuriating what people come out with, I have learnt through all this that you have to be kind to yourself and put yourself first! X
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I totally understand your sentiments. We probably all feel the need to vent. I did too but on this forum I chose to find a more supportive way of communicating. I probably didn’t have the guts to say I’m actually pissed off this has happened to me and in the moments of my diagnosis and trying the reason or understand why I had been picked on by cancer and why everyone else was being so reasonable and understanding and positive. I did vent that at my family. They got the brunt of all my anger anxiety tears. My nearest and dearest took the pain of my cancer journey. So I never wanted to post to this community anything other than supporting and yeah brave and warriors because we all have to deal with the shit situation we’re in . I admire your saying it for what you feel. Good on you. Tell it how it is . Much love to you and your journey through cancer. Xxx
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Dear Claspe, I hope you got your result yesterday and aren’t left with uncertainty all weekend. Hoping you are okay and your dad realises he made a thoughtless comment.
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My “friend” to me after double mastectomy
-“you didn’t have much there anyway”
My manager, when I was back to work, after two major operations, on letrozole and Abemaciclib, after radiotherapy
-“good to see you back but, you have to be sensitive around Sarah, and not talk about hospitals etc because her dad has cancer”
My daughter
-“you don’t have cancer now, so you should be positive. Looks like you don’t want to be better”
Oncologist when I said that I’m struggling after 15 sessions of radiotherapy 40.6 grays in total
-“it’s psychological”
Surgeon before mastectomy
-“your skin is so bad that there is nothing to reconstruct”
Nurse
-“you can’t call us anymore because you have finished treatment” (she forgot about Abemaciclib for 2 years??? Or this doesn’t count???)
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Omfg… those are 
. I am so sorry.
I also cannot believe how many come from the teams that are meant to be caring for us. (I have had this many a time!) X
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I’ve lost hope. I’m existing. I don’t have any more energy left for that level of gaslighting and ignorance.
One day I will wake up from this bad dream or not wake up at all.
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@kateunlucky - I understand. Me too in many ways. I have always avoided hospitals and am now in my worst nightmare. Where are you with your treatment etc?