Nobody has listened to me and heard me in 5 years except Heidi from BCN yesterday.
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I’m so pleased Heidi was able to listen to you. It makes such a difference to know we are being heard.
Please remember to reach out whenever you need.
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I was told that it was the amount of sugar in my diet and that I should really do something about that to not make it any worse. From a family member… smile and nod and quietly rage. I don’t even have that much of a sugar heavy diet. Cook fresh every day, eat reasonably healthily but enjoy some nice food such as cheese, occasional bit of cake, glass of wine etc.
Get a lot of “could have been worse” which is infuriating, its bloody awful, it doesn’t HAVE to be worse. 
I don’t mind the well meaning platitudes, try to accept them as coming from a good place. But I will NEVER use them in the future, I don’t think they reflect the reality of having to deal with an incredibly long and difficult journey and that the generally glib positivity isn’t that helpful.
I said to my OH this week that I just need to feel the feelings, they are all valid. I am not happy, I feel weak at times, I feel I can’t do it at times, I feel that its unfair, I feel that it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I can’t just “stay postive”. These kind of statements can make people feel like they are not doing enough and let me say they are doing ALL they can. It is so unrealistic to expect people to be only positive during an incredible awful and stressful time of their life.
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I totally agree. I’ve had the covid jab mentioned, stress & hormones. All keep me awake at night- but i just can’t make any sense of it.
I have been out with friends walking etc in the early days of chemo & was still able to outwalk them on hills etc. I really really wish that I knew the reason why…
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Completely agree @schwartzwald and I think that the positivity is for the benefit of others who are not going through cancer as it allows them to believe that cancer world isn’t really that scary because somehow we all morph into these smiling positive people during the worst time of our lives - it makes no sense at all
when you think about it .
I’m with you 100% nobody should be made to feel that they shouldn’t be having certain feelings or having to hide them. Xx
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Awe. Bless your heart . You are so tough . I know personally how scary breast cancer is . Praying for you to get your successful , active life back and you will 
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Hi @bea2,
I’m so sorry to hear everything you’ve been through - it sounds like such a terrible time. I’m so glad you were able to find some support via our helpline, and please know that you can call our helpline as many times as you need to, our nurses and your fellow forum users are always willing to be a listening ear.
Please also know, as @naughty_boob has so kindly explained as well, that the Samaritans are also available 24/7 to speak to on 116 123. And if you ever feel like you are in crisis or that it’s an emergency, please do ring 999.
I hope you’re finding the forum a supportive and helpful place, and we’re always here for you.
Alice
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Hi all, my daughter(35)was diagnosed on NYE and I took sick leave to care for her , school runs for her 6y.o. and care for her 2y.o with Down Syndrome.
-A lady in work messaged me with, “how big was the lump they removed.” She herself had BC last year. I didn’t realise it was a competition!!
-My mum asked “how did she catch that?”
She’s now starting radiotherapy after months of chemotherapy and I dread to think of the next set of questions
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I don’t know how I would have reacted! I’m so fed up of people scrutinizing my face, followed by, “you’re looking well”, with almost a question mark. As if I’m lying or I don’t look like I’m dying.
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Dear jolm,
Yep, it’s shocking what friends, family and co-workers say. Crass, insensitive, unhelpful, just when you need the people around you to be supportive and caring and want them to say something kind, they let you down.
That comment about so & so’s husband’s cancer was plain wrong and hurtful. Where’s the compassion there? How does that help you?
Unfortunately, I’ve also had my fair share of insensitive comments - I’ve been told to stay strong, to keep my chin up, and to be brave (this was within a few scary days of learning I had BC). And all of which takes the biscuit for useless advice.
Also, I’ve had a few ignorant individuals speculate on why I had got BC. I was told by one (not very close) friend that it was probably because I drank alcohol ( for the record I’m a two glasses of wine at the weekend woman, and not a ten pints a night glugger, and no one deserves it anyway).
One member of my family told me I was to blame for not having had children. I shot back that I knew several women who’d had kids and that had gone through BC. She got nasty then and stated it was because of their poor diets and lifestyle. In other words it was their fault. Of course she’s totally unqualified to say how any woman gets this terrible disease, but it’s an opportunity for her to be negative and judgmental, and which she appeared to relish.
She also made disparaging remarks about my surgeon, who was a total superstar from day one. She claimed that he couldn’t be that great as he came from a poor country. That poor country was Italy! How ignorant was that? And what a weird thing to say.
Two people whom I used to be close to expressed resentment over the cost of my treatment, and complained that that my breast reconstruction work was purely for cosmetic purposes, and therefore unnecessary in their eyes. it was accompanied by lots of sighing and exasperation over what a waste of tax-payers’ money it was. I stood my ground and pointed out that as I’d worked full-time for over 40 years I’d contributed my fair share in tax and NI contributions, and times have changed, and that’s what the NHS offer BC patients now.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t told anyone apart from a few that I’m very close to, and whom I could trust not to say something outrageously stupid. You live and learn.
Good luck with your treatment. I can appreciate you’re at the beginning of a horrible, scary ride. I started my journey in January 2023, and went through a mastectomy, radiotherapy, and two years into 5 years on meds, but that’s another story. But I consider myself one of the fortune ones and sort of living a similar life to the one before BC, so there is always hope and brighter days ahead (for a number of us).
All the best
Flowers and Bees
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Over the weekend - i have been told twice that stress has caused my cancer.
And another that it’s my hormones.
Is there any truth in this? I just don’t know anymore. I miss me so much.
X
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Not sure any one thing causes our cancer. I would suggest looking at Dr Liz O’Riordan podcast or YouTube. Or call the BCN nurses 0808 800 6000 for a chat. Age and being a woman is the biggest risk.
Who is telling you these things? Healthcare professionals? I know mine haven’t said anything has caused my cancer and I had two separate tumours, one in each boob. If it was a friend or family member, I’m not sure they are the people to listen too.
Take care. You haven’t done anything wrong.
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Blimey @sbee what’s the matter with people?
I told a friend’s husband who said a snarky comment and asked if I knew what caused mine that it was very probably from being surrounded by idiots from time to time.
Went right over his head. Not others - coffee was spat out laughing.
Have that retort for free for the next stupid comment/question that comes your way x
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Nice one @Gelbel xx
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Today… review mid radiotherapy… “you’ve been busy” (having looked at my treatment path) then… “gosh, that’s quite the scar”. Just awful. X
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I’m so sorry to hear that you had to deal with those comments. If you have the strength maybe ask to speak to a manager or mention it to PALS.
Sometimes people don’t mean to harm us with their words but they need to be reminded of appropriate language.
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HUG!!! For you .
Hey checking on you. Your last post was in September on my end.
Hiya Blessed2
Thanks for checking in with me, i got the diagnosis yesterday DCIS 35MM in right breast just got my first surgeons appointment on monday 10th Nov, so still pretty confused as to what is gonna happen
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I love your positive attitude . Sounds like you
have a lot of people with negative attitudes around you . They aren’t in your shoes and they don’t know how it feels to be in that situation .
I pray they never know . The old saying goes if you can’t say something nice or positive then don’t say anything at all . I’m almost 1/12 years on letrozole. I don’t like it but I understand why I’m taking it .
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