OK - i have made the decision to be as positive/normal as possible during this awful time, so got myself ready to go out
to the shops today to look for a more comfortable post op bra, like a genie type one. Got myself all stacked up with a post surgery bra, put
the softie in, adjusted myself and got dressed and looked fairly normal,
BUT it does not feel the same at all and my arm can feel the squashiness of the fake mound and I would not say its comfortable and I then just sobbbed for a good 30 minutes as I could not get out of the door and just felt heart-broken. These fake mounds are SOOOO damn uncomfortable, not the same shape or
texture or anything and I feel so abnormal/unusual almost like its got flashing beepers on it saying look at me… . I will NEVER feel normal again, never have a cleavage or anything and that REALLY matters, I feel so disconnected and need to hide from the normal world again…
I did eventually go to the shops but did not enjoy it and just looked at all the women and youngsters in beach
wear or in low cut tops with two healthy happy breasts…every one felt like they had stabbed me. WHY oh WHY are such simple things so
damn difficult after a mastectomy? ( I still cannot go to local shops in my own town,only go further afield and the prospect of bumping in to someone i know without psyching msyelf up for it scares the jeepers out of me, I am still telling people not to visit me, only managed two visitors in the 11 days post op although I did manage a dance class to prove to myself I could do it)…
Any tips re seromas? Had one drained already and now have another one which is creating a ridge uner my arm so my arm will not stay down flat against my side as there is a hard roll stopping it…sitting here with ice pack on