I had a Mastectomy a few days ago ( no reconstruction).
Today I just feel like I’m no nearer Recovery than I was 6 weeks ago.
My HER was borderline at biopsy. It eventually came back as negative but needs to be retested after surgery.
I’ve got some funny spots in my spine, which may or may not be anything and I’ll have a repeat CT scan in 6 months.
I had some lymph nodes removed. One is definitely cancerous, one is suspicious and they’re going to check the rest.
And I need an Oncotype score.
So I still don’t know whether I’ll need chemo. I don’t know whether I’ll need a full node clearance.
I’ve already been told that I need radiotherapy and Letrazole. I may need Abemaciclib but I may not
I just feel like I’m still in limbo.
My husband annoyed me today - I tried to tell him how I was feeling. I think what I needed was " poor you, it’s shit" but instead I got logic and ended up feeling like he was dismissive of my worrying
I’m not wrong, it is shit. And today I’m allowed to feel fed up, weepy, scared and overwhelmed.
Can’t even go and soak in a bath because of these dressings!
Hiya, yes it is all utter shit and yes you are allowed - and should - let your emotions out. I’ve had random meltdowns and it does help. Don’t worry about what anyone else might think.
Hi, the uncertainty I found was the hardest part of having cancer. Like you I had borderline Her2 which was classed as negative. I’m 21/2 years from diagnosis and had a lumpectomy but 2 nodes were affected by cancer so ended up with a full node clearance. I didn’t have a oncotype but did end up having chemo and I’m coming to the end of the 2 years of Abemaciclib. I was full of anxiety at the start of my cancer journey, it’s a normal reaction, I was overwhelmed by it all but for me once I knew all the facts I coped. The stage you are at with several unknowns is tough.
Thanks guys!
Spoke to my mum, who said " of course you feel like that, try to take one day at a time", which was perfect.
Then I thought I’d get some fresh air.
And now I’m sitting on a bench, reading your lovely messages and sniffling into a tissue.
tomorrow’s another day!
Going to carry on walking - wish I’d thought to bring big sunglasses though!