I have woke up this morning just feeling completely overwhelmed by everything. I have had a terrible nine months just gone and finished chemotherapy in November and am continuing with herceptin and bish bosh for my bone secondaries. Since I finished chemo I have woke every morning with a headache and sickness and cannot get out of bed until my meds start to kick in.
The year ended with the death of my dear friend Anne (sixpen) and with my husband we made an emotional journey to see her husband and go to her funeral at the beginning of the week. I have been feeling very tired, sad and reflective since then. Yesterday I went for my herceptin and bish bosh and told my consultant about my ongoing symptoms and now have a brain MRI on Monday. I just feel so overwhelmed and worried and just would like a little period of peace with a bit of well being thrown in. I feel like I lurch from one disaster to another at the moment and don’t seem to have any let up.
To try and reassure myself I have looked at this site’s info on symptoms of secondary brain cancer (you know how it is…) and know feel convinced that this is what I have.
Sorry to sound so miserable but just feel so … overwhelmed.
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Hi Angee…who wouldn’t feel overwhelmed at what you’ve been through recently? I lost a friend 2 days after Christmas, from secondary bc but it was so sudden she’d been emailing me 2 days before she died. It really knocked me for 6. And on top of this you have your own health worries. It can all feel too much to cope with at times. I hope you don’t have brain mets, never apologise for sounding miserable. And you don’t sound miserable at all, just sad at losing a good friend and worried about your own health. I hope you can be reassured by your scan and your onc and you have some peace of mind soon. Take Care Angee, Belinda…x
What a rough time you have had, no wonder you feel overwhelmed having to deal with everything that has been thrown at your body, the physical and mental effects and then to lose someone special to you, who wouldn’t. This is a hateful disease that slowly tries to pick us apart, chipping away, having bad days or even weeks is no surprise and who can blame any of us for feeling down.
I also find it hard that all my freinds and family want to hear the pink and fluffy ‘I’m fighting’ stories, they don’t want to know about my having been the funeral directors or how crappy I feel, or down or see tears. So we try and ‘keep strong’ for them, when inside the strain is immense, there has to come a point when we snap doesn’t there, there is absolutely no shame in it.
Going googling for information can be a good thing, and a most definately a bad thing too, I am sure many of us have done it and frightened ourselves silly with what we have found. I hope that the scan on Monday reveals that there is nothing to worry about and you can put those fears away again.
Just to say how sorry I am that you are going through such a tough time right now. I hope you can get the scan results quickly; I hope there is an innocent explanation.
You know I am here to help you. You did an awful lot going to Annies funeral, and am sure it has well taken its toll on you, although Wes was so pleased that you made it. Very emotional day for u (as it was for all of us) and am sure that it has not helped you really.
You have been through so much this year with your chemo and all the health problems that that entails. I am hoping and keeping everything crossed for you that the MRI scan is clear.
If you need to chat Angee, you know where I am. Day or night I am here to help you. We have been through so much this year together, and I am always here to help if I can.
Hi Angee,
this disease is filthy, cruel and words that will get me chucked off the forum so can’t print them as I need this forum so much. I think we all do incredibly well to live each day with the dark shadow hanging over us, it is inevitable that we will all crack under the pressure of what has happened to us with regard to the brutal treatments we have to undergo to buy extra time. The sadness we feel when we hear of the death of a fellow sufferer is crushing and for me it is harder each time to bounce back. My best friend has just lost another of her friends to cancer of the pancreas and she is in a really bad state worried that I will be the next! She lives in Manchester and when I saw her over the holidays the look of shock on her face said it all. Of course I said all the right things " I am recovering from flu and having a port put in that’s why I look a bit peeky" I know I didn’t fool anyone. Sorry if I seem to be wittering on what I am trying to say is that how you are feeling is to be expected things happen that make us more vulnerable to this disease. I am glad your onc has responded urgently and sorted out a scan date I am sure it is all due to the extra stress of losing sixpen and going to her funeral, plus the very emotional time that Christmas has on us. More than fingers crossed that it is not this bloody disease and just stress. Good luck with the scan and I hope you soon feel better. As Dawn says you have all been through so much this last year it is bound to effect you in some way.
Take care and thinking of you.
So sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Think often things build up and up until it is all just too much. There just never seems to be any real let up even when things are going comparatively well - and you have had so much happening this last year that has been hard to deal with.
Really hope that the scan goes ok on Monday and that you get the results quickly.
Hi Angee
I think it is a difficult time of year anyway, cold dark and dank. There is all the emotional baggage of the last year, awful, plus wondering what this one will have in store. That’s without the distress of bereavement and the worry of whether or not things are on the move. I’ve just seen off another lot of family who do not mention my cancer or how the treatment is affecting me but seem to expect me to be my usual self, this is really the only place where I can say things like I’m shopping for my daughter’s birthday presents, will I be doing it for her next birthday? I hope your scan goes well on Monday and you have good news
Love Kathryn
Just wanted to add that I’m thinking of you over the road in The Haven and hope that your scan will be clear. Christmas is such an emotional time and you have been through so much in the end your head just says I’ve had enough . I was sobbing on Christmas Eve about the bloody illness, remebering how ill I was a few years ago as well as having lost someone that I supported through primary breast cancer a while back (the Rudgwick lighting up was in memory of her this year).
Why wouldn’t you be overwhelmed ? Its so much for anyone to deal with and really I marvel at how we are able to still put one foot in front of another. really we all do alot and try to keep going and sometimes its just too much. I just had my mother on the phone sobbing about her ear and all I could think was if you only knew what its like when you really have something.
I didn’t know Anne but she sounded like a lovely person from the few times I caught her on chat and what happened with her cancer was truly shocking, and now you are worrying about brain mets, I do hope this turns out to be nothing and it could really be that - I think it is difficult to get going in the Am as chemotherpay makes us so tired and debilitated, also there are ongoing side effects with bish bosh (i feel them from time to time) and i think herceptin…I am glad you have got the scan quickly and I hope it turns out OK,
Sorry Angee, that you have currently hit that wall. I do (as do many of us) what it is like. I really hope things start to lift for you, and soon. I hope it has helped to share your feelings on this board but more than that, I hope your health fears are unfounded.
Angee, just wanted to say I seem to have hit that wall too. Somehow managed to keep going for the kids, but nights were really bad. Have had really bad headaches too, but when I called the clinic the oncolgist team there reassured me that it was probably only the stress brought by Christmas, the treatments I have had this past year and really the worries of what is going to happen this year and the will I be around for next Xmas…causing them. They told me to get plenty of rest and take the painkillers and see after a couple of days. I did and although I still have a headache it’s not as bad anymore and seems to get less every day. I think that whatever happens to us we tend to think the worst. This time of year is hard for most people, even healthy ones. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your scan to show that you don’t have to worry about that anymore and really, for all of us to have an easier year than we had in 2008
Not sure what else I can add. You’ve had a horrible year and christmas and new year are always such reminders of what has been and what could have been. Your closeness to Anne and the speed of her cancer overtaking her was very shocking and that doesn’t help you. I know everytime someone dies here from the forum or from the chemo clinic, it depresses me and feel guilty that I’m still here and others aren’t.
i really hope the MRI is fine and am imporessed by the speed of your scan date and hope that you don’t have to wait too long for the results.
We are all here for each other and we all hit that wall from time to time. It’s good for you to say how you are feeling and also it is good for others to know that we’re not all coping well and it’s normal - hell but normal.
I think a lot of us have felt really down recently and all we can do is support each other and recognise the great emotional pain that we all go through from time to tme.
By the sounds of it, you have lots of friends here who you can contact and really hope you take them up on their offers of listening to you.
Hope you start to feel less overwhelmed but don’t worry if it takes time. It’s been so tough for you, it will take time. I hope you have health professionals you can also turn to as well and friends/family close to where you live who can offer you support.
katex
Angee - all I can say is that I had the same ‘headaches in the morning’ symptoms. I was worried and I could tell everyone else was too. However it turned out to be nothing ominous, and my scan was clear, I hope it turns out the same for you too. From what I’ve read above it sound like it’s been a really difficult year for you - lets hope 2009 turns out better.
Angee,
So sorry to hear you’ve been having such a tough time. I’m not surprised you’re feeling low. You’ve had so much to contend with and I certainly have in the past expected to bounce back after finishing chemo and got frustrated when I felt actually worse before I felt better.
Good luck for the scan and I do hope your headaches are nothing sinister and just the stress of everything you’ve been through. I’ve been having a chemo break over Christmas and I’ve just got to feeling relatively"normal" but have got to go back on it next week so am bracing myself for that again.
It’s all such a rollercoaster. I do hope you will begin to feel better soon and hope that 2009 is a better one for you.
Love Anne xx
We all hit that wall at what seem to feel the darkest time. This year I lost my sister-in-law to sec BC then lost my dearest brother 3 months later to this horrendous disease. My brother did not know how sick he was which proved to be a godsend in the end as he didn’t get chance to start treatment, which would have only given him extra 2 months max.
Then we could not believe it when I was diagnosed in September already having fought, and still fighting endometrial cancer 3 years ago.
It is an emotional rollercoaster and I felt very guilty when I told my sister-in=law my Ct and bone scan were clear a couple of weeks ago. My brother would have been elated and I am sure he is helping me through this.
I do hope you are feeling better soon and will be thinking of you
Hi Angee,
Just sending love and support across the miles. I feel so sad that you’re feeling this way, but it happens to us all with regularity. As others have sais - you’ve been through so much recently. I hope today was just a relief to get it over with, and you get good results very soon.
Love and hugs to everyone else who is feeling this way too
Jacquie xx