Panic Stricken

I thought I had posted earlier on but I can’t seem to find it on here, :(. I am 33, and a mum to two amazing children. I haven’t had the greatest track record re my health. I have had my thyroid gland removed (11 years ago) because it was overactive. Then four years ago I had a full hysterectomy and my ovaries removed after suffering with severe endometriosis.
I have always checked my breasts and thought that every thing was ok as long as I ddn’t find a lump! I first noticed some staining in my bra a couple of months ago. It was clear and my breast had been leaking a clear discharge. I thought it was just hormonal. Then I noticed that the pigment in the areola had changed colour, I had a strange twinge which ran upwards from my my left breast into my left armpit. Last week I woke up with a horrible stabbing pain in the same breast. I also started to experience itchiness and noticed that my nipple was red and scaly. I naively thought it was 'hormonal again and went to see the doctor. Imagine my horror when upon examination she said that she could feel raised breast tissue under my nipple and that there was dimpling (I had never heard of this). She told me that she was referring me to the breast clinic, and the hospital rang a couple of hours later with an appointment.
I am angry with myself for not realising that these symptoms could be serious and I am scared that I have left things to late. I start a new job this week which will probably be a good thing as it will keep me busy but I think i’m having mild panic attacks …my chest feels tight and i feel breathless. I am terrified, the 25th seems forever away x

Hi Chellebell,

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care Discussion Forums. Your orginal post is now on the site, sorry for the delay. I’m sure other users will be along soon to offer support but in the meantime please do remember the BCC Helpline offers information and emotional support, Tel 0808 800 6000. Lines reopen at 9am on Monday morning (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 10am-2pm)

With best wishes,

Anna, BCC Moderator

Thank you x

chellebell, I just wanted to say hello and that this is the most amazing place with the most incredibly supportive people, I’m new here myself so don’t have a huge amount of experience to offer advice, but there are so many who will offer words of comfort and wisdom having gone through the very thing we are going through: the dreaded waiting room. I’ve gleaned from other posts that even a grade 3 cancer doesn’t move that fast, which is reassuring as I ignored warning signs for about 3 months before I saw my GP. It takes a while and a lot of emotions to get your head round things; be kind to yourself and keep coming back here with your questions and to let off steam and emotion. The hardest part for me was telling my children, and it is was only thinking about them that made me cry. A couple of weeks down the line and life is pretty normal for them - they’ve both told me they don’t want me to have a wig so my daughter is researching about scarves and turbans and looking for some funky stuff for me!
I’ve had panic attacks in the past, and what you describe sounds really similar. I would make another appointment to see your GP to discuss this with her/him, and also your worries and concerns about the wait. Don’t be angry with yourself, there’s no point. You’ll need positive energy for the journey if the news is not good, and you’ll have given yourself a pointless hard time if it turns out not to be BC. From what you’ve already gone through I’m guessing you’re a pretty tough lady - I’m so sorry you find yourself here, but at least you’ve found the site and I would urge you to make good use of it during the awful waiting period. Big hugs xxx

that went up twice so I’m trying to delete the second one!

I’m no expert and am in the waiting room too, but from what I’ve researched over the last month or so (which is quite a lot!), BC doesn’t just appear overnight, so if you’ve left some suspicious symptoms for a few months before querying with GP, it’s unlikely to have made a significant difference to whatever’s going on in your body. I bet the majority of people on here have been in a similar situation. Try not to worry and to deal with the knowns rather than wasting energy on the what if’s. My advice would be to stay off google and to keep busy - your youth means that the odds are very much in your favour :slight_smile: Thinking of you x

Don’t beat yourself up! You have enough to contend with with what is unfolding and whatever is going to happen, and you will need all your energy for that!

Its easy to wonder “what if…?” but now it is academic, and you have to go on from where you are. Believe me, I’ve had these thoughts too, so I know!

I didn’t have a mamogram for about 4 years. When I did discover a lump it was large, but who knows how long it had been there? I found it cos I had lost weight. I immediately thought it was another cyst, had absolutely no thoughts that it could be malignant, and delayed having it checked because I was going on vacation that month.

When I came back we had the disturbing news that my brother’s wife had breast cancer. I told my brother about my lump, and he was “go get it checked out … NOW!”, and I guess it was another about 4 weeks before I got my mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy Oops!!!

Would things have been different if I’d had my annual mammograms or was it a fast growing cancer that can appear between screenings? It really doesn’t matter now. It is what it is … but I do advise all my friends to go get the bloody mammograms now !!!

Thank you all for your words of advice. I am normally so positive. It’s the not kmowing that scares me the most. Once I know what I am dealing with one way or the other I know I will feel better than how I am feeling at the minute. I had a cancer scare when I was pregnant with my second child. It is just that feeling of complete and utter loss of control that overwhelms me at the moment, and all the conflicting emotions. You ladies have been so kind …thank you x In regards to my new job, Istart on Tuesday but haven’t had my contract yet. My appointment means that I will have to have an afternoon off. Do I be upfront with her and tell her exactly why I am going to the hospital? This is my dream job but subject to medical checks…

Just 1 week and 4 days to go!

Hi Chellebelle…I am in the same boat as you. I have a lump, discharge as well as a crease/indentation that I only see when I lie on my back so I hadn’t noticed it…it was my GP who picked up on it last week! It is awful waiting and the not knowing means that you think of all the worst case scenarios as well as trying to be positive. My appointment for tests and disgnosis is next Wednesday…
Like you I am a very posoitive life loving person and I think if we keep trying to be that person for the next few days it is helpful…although this morning I had a complete melt down in private with lots of tears and allowed myself to feel scared for a wee minute. I don’t think that hurts either!

I would be honest with your new employer…they need to understand what you are facing at the moment and I am sure they will be fine and supportive. The chances are that all will be fine and even if they are not you have been appointed the job and they will have certain obligations around that. It sounds as if your line manager is a woman so the hope would be she will be supportive! Hope you don’t stress too much while you wait…staying off google is good advice but very difficult to do!! Take good care.

I echo what Morwenna says…Mine started as a crease and I put it down to loosing weight. I used to beat myself up for not getting it checked earlier… not any more… you are doing the right thing now…getting it seen to. Take care Irenee xx

Thank you Jojo and Irenee. I have emailed her and she has been really understanding about it and said I could have the time off. What a way to start a new job, but these things can’t be helped. I went to boots today and spoke with a lovely pharmacist who recommended bachs rescue remedy. I like it because its a herbal medicine not sure if its working or not but I suppose it needs time. I feel a bit better knowing that there are others out there feeling the same way its some how reassuring to know that you are not the only one, although sad that any of us have to go through this at all. Does any one know what’raised breast tissue means as a term? She didn’t say that she could feel a lump just that there was raised tissue under the affected nipple. I should have asked her the time but I felt like some one had thrown me against a brick wall, whilst still trying to outwardly remain cool calm and collective with a smile on my face. Had a glass of wine tonight so feeling a little calmer. Thank you again just for being there and for your words of reassurance. It is nice to be able to reach out to others that are going through the same thing x

Work is helping to keep me distracted. Seven days and counting. So many amazing ladies on here. I am ok if I don’t think about it too much. The herbal remedy I’m taking is a massive help. My boobies have feltstore and tender this week not so itchy now though but every thing else is the same x

Work is helping to keep me distracted. Seven days and counting. So many amazing ladies on here. I am ok if I don’t think about it too much. The herbal remedy I’m taking is a massive help. My boobies have feltstore and tender this week not so itchy now though but every thing else is the same x

I started a new job 3 days after going to GP with a sore and sensitive breast that they thought was an infection. Luckily they sent me to breast clinic and 2 weeks later I had afternoon off for appointment. I told my new boss I had a hospital appointment but didn’t tell him what it was for, 2 weeks later I had another appointment for the results and told him it was a follow-up…that afternoon I sent him an email from home to tell him I had BC. Luckily he was very supportive and allowed me to keep it to him and me until I knew when my op was and only then did he start telling anyone including his boss. My new work have been great even though I’d only been there 8 weeks before I went off sick, I’m now trying to work with them to see if they want me to work in my ‘good’ weeks between chemo cycles but that would be from home.
Good luck with your appointments and your new job, hope it all works out well for you in the long term

Thank you Kateis will let you know how I get on. I work in a school looking after reception aged children so I hardly get time to stopand think. Hopefully the next week will fly by. My boss has been lovely and hinted that she had been through the same thingknow will be happy once I know for sure. Do you mind me asking if you had any other symptoms and what type of op you had x

Hi chellebell
i felt a small lump as well as the soreness and sensitivity, being 47 I decided it was the start of the change but the doc thought it was an infection. At the clinic they thought it was more serious so did mammograms, ultrasound and biopsies. I had mastectomy, sentinel lymph node clearance and expander implant 4 weeks ago yesterday. I have felt great since day 2 and only had paracetamol pain killers, I have full movement in my arm and my expander is semi ‘inflated’ so with a small foam bra insert I look equal, the cosmetic consultant should put more saline in early may so it should then be equal without the foam insert but that depends on how I am dealing with chemo by then.
Hope the info isn’t too much, if you have any other questions, ask and I’m sure if I can’t help someone else will.

Chellebell, I’ve just read your thread and felt I had to say hello. I’m also in the same boat as you. Found a lump four weeks ago under my left nipple. I’d been in pain one night on that side which made me have a feel around. Found a pea sized solid lump under the nipple. Absolutely panic stricken ! the pain you described was the same that I had. Stabbing like pain. Anyway I went to the doctor who felt the lump straight away, she thought it could be a cyst? But referred me to breast clinic a week later after waiting a week to see if it was hormonal and related to my period. I’ve just got back from holiday so there was a delay in my appointment but I’m being seen next weds afternoon. while on holiday I had some strange sensations in my breast similar to when your are breast feeding and your milk is coming in. Very odd since my youngest is now 10 years old! And yesterday I had green and white discharge. To say I’m terrified now is an understatement! I just look at my two children and want to burst out crying!
i feel like I’m having panic attacks too so you are not alone. Can i ask what the herbal remedy is that you are taken? is it bachs?? i think i may get some. This site is amazing and I’ve taken a lot of comfort reading many different posts.
I will have everything crossed for your appointment next week. Best wishes xx

Keep your smileyfaces top of mind! I know its easier said than done but the more you worry the worse it will seem, keep busy and keep looking at your children knowing you are doing the right thing to make sure you are around for them for a very long long time! I have managed to remain positive despite the diagnosis, kept working until about 4 hours before I was admitted to hospital for surgery and most people didn’t know anything was wrong as I was ‘compartmentalising’ the BC and my life to keep me doing everything as normal.
Will be thinking of you next week and keeping my fingers crossed its only good news for you, but if not this site will be a great place of info and support

Thank you Kate for your kind words. I’m sorry to hear about your BC. I really admire your positivity and i hope I will be the same be it bad news. I feel so inspired by yours and all the ladies attitudes on these posts that I have read through so far, this site is amazing!!
Wishing you all the best Kate, stay strong & positive xx
Sara x

Hi smiley faces I really feel for you huni big hugs x The herbal remedy I am using is bachs rescue remedy. I have been using the drops and then pastiles and whether its psychological or what I don’t know. All I do know is that I have felt a lot calmer. After reading so many of the brave ladies comments and stories on here I feel a strange inner peace. I am quite an intuitive person and because of every thing I have been through health wise, very sensitive to any changes. If it is cancer I will fight it the same way I have had to fight eevery thing full force with a ’ you’re not getting the better of me’ frame of mind. Now whenI look at the children I just feel determined. The pains in my breast and particularly my right one have continued and yes, very similar to milk coming through. My discharge was clear …not such a good thing judging by what I have read. Thank you Kate for the info…it wasn’t too much and I think you are amazing as are all of you. The sun is shining today which has made me feel so much better. My nan was rushed into hospital this week, not looking very good but at least my focus has been shifted into looking sfter her and not worrying so much about myself. The new jo is fantastic and has made me feel upbeat. Only now and then when I think about it do I get that overwhelming urge to sink …hope you have a wonderful weekend ladies i’m keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers XxxX