hello everyone , a new member to the ranks , i hop nobody minds but i just wanted to share my absolute fear having been diagnosed with breast cancer on friday , even typing it seems surreal , is it normal to go through this terrible panic, im floating between that and positivety but the panic just keeps returning , im 48 , 3 daughters and a wonderful partner , any reassurance is gladly accepted ,thank you , trish x
Oh Trish, your post has brought tears to my eyes as I know just how you feel! I felt exactly the same when I was diagnosed with BC in January.
I went from having sensible, logical thoughts regarding how good modern treatments are and that I was going to be fine and if not ‘cured’ then at least ‘treated’ to absolute sickening panic and visions of my children crying uncontrollably at my graveside. I felt sick and couldn’t eat or sleep.
It’s all absolutely normal but no easier to deal with.
Things do improve once you know your treatment plan and have told the people who you need to tell of your situation.
I do think that your mind has to go through the horrible stage of fear and panic to get to a stage when you can feel more accepting and in control of your situation.
I got a lot of support from the great folk on this forum as well as a lot of practical information.
In those moments of sheer panic I said to myself ‘This too shall pass’ and it did. Relaxation tapes also helped at the times I was climbing the walls with anxiety.
Things will feel better gradually.
Thinking of you and wishing you well,
Kate xxx
Hi Trish.
Panic, horror, terror, disbelief, tears, hysteria, more disbelief, headless chicken, more panic, more disbelief, all are normal. And you are at the very worst part, where you have an initial diagnosis but don’t know anything about what you’ve been told because until last week you had no reason to know. That sound familiar? Sadly, you’re not alone, and most if not all of us on here have had the same.
There will be others along to welcome you, with sadness because none of us wants to be here, but here is where we find ourselves so all we can do is help each other out.
It probably sounds very odd, and I know I didn’t believe it when people told me this, but where you are now, the knowing-but-not-knowing bit, really is absolutely horrible, some say it’s the worst part of it and I would agree. It took ages for it all to sink in with me, and sometimes I am still able to pretend it’s not real other than the obvious hair thing.
Some tips for you, which you can take or leave, depending on what you find best for dealing with it. Some people like to know loads and loads, others want to know the absolute minimum, so judge for yourself as you know yourself best.
To find out more about what’s what, take a look at the Publications section of this website (from the Home page) and have a browse at the first few leaflets. There’s a really useful pack you can get for newly diagnosed people, either download PDFs or order it, it will be delivered free.
Avoid googling indiscriminately. There is so much nonsense out there, a lot of it trying to sell you something, and a lot of it irrelevant to your own situation, you could end up scaring yourself silly. Stick to reputable sites such as this one, Macmillan, Breakthrough, Cancer Research and so on.
Get yourself a notebook. Write down any questions or queries or worries you have. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. If you’re like the vast majority of people on this site, you have just been hit by an atom bomb that you knew nothing about, so ask questions and don’t worry that anyone will laugh at them, we have probably all asked the same questions ourselves.
Take your time telling people. There’s no hurry. If you don’t want to say anything at work or to family, then don’t say anything until you work out what you want to say.
Use the resources on here. The Helpline (number at the top of the page) is staffed by lovely people who know loads and loads and loads, and whose only purpose is to help you through this. Give them a ring on Monday even if it’s just to say hello, sometimes it can really help just to talk to someone who is interested but not involved, and they may be able to give you practical suggestions for how to get through the next few days and weeks.
Be kind to yourself. This is the most difficult thing to do, I think. Women generally put other people first, but now is the time to think of yourself and what you need.
There are some practical things you can do too.
Get yourself a prescription charge exemption card. You get this by filling in a form from your GP, who will then sign it, stamp it and send it off. That means you don’t have to pay prescription charges for five years.
Find out what support services there are locally for you. Where I am, there is a great centre attached to the chemo part of the hospital where you can get alternative therapies. It might sound silly (it certainly did to a cynic like me) but I have really enjoyed having a massage, just to help me relax.
There are other things you can find out about in the fullness of time (no rush) like Look Good Feel Better, I’m sure you’ll hear more about that one.
Over the next few days and weeks, things will become clearer for you. You will probably meet your surgeon, oncologist and breast care nurse. The BCNs are a terrific resource and are there to help you through this. You will probably find out more about what your treatment plan is. This will be tailored specifically for you, and depends on all sorts of things. There are actually several different types of breast cancer (13? 15? Can’t remember) and your plan depends on the type, the size, the grade (how aggressive it is), whether it’s in the nodes (they probably don’t know that yet), your age, possibly your family history, all sorts of things. You can find out about this lot from the resource pack I mentioned earlier.
Anyway, we’re here for you. You can ask anything, rant, rave, celebrate good news, share your plan, find others at the same stage of treatment as you, have a giggle (yes, there are some very silly threads on the forums as well as serious ones). Join in whenever and wherever you feel the need, you will be made welcome.
Best of luck,
CM
x
Hi malsgirl,
As chocciemuffin says, sorry you have had to join the ranks, but everyone is here to support you 100%. I really urge you to send for the resource pack chocciemuffin recommended. It has so much information in it, but the piece I have found invaluable is the diary. I comes with suggested questions for your doctor, places to note you treatment, and loads of other useful information. I take mine everywhere.
Sorry to see you here, but as others said, you are at the worst stage when your imagination goes into overdrive, and the worry does become all-encompassing. Once you know more about what you are dealing with, and start your treatment plan, things really do get better. I was diagnosed a month ago & had surgery last week; mentally I am already in a much better place than that first week.
I’d reiterate the advice not to go reading about anything that doesn’t affect you yet (even on this site) - but come on here for support, advice or a good moan, we’ll all understand.
hiya everyone and thank you for your wonderful messages of reassurance ,went out with mal last night who is proving to be the most fantastic man and i love him so dearly , a couple of drinks ended up as a few and i had good cry when got home , i was allowed cus the kids were in bed lol , my auntie called yesterday and when i told her the news she may as well have given me the shovel to dig my grave , talk about doom and gloom , but i have to confess i was laughing because she suffers from memory loss and by the time we had finished talking i had had to repeat everything over and over again , my daughter saw me frantically waving my arm and que one shout of "mom , dinners ready ". phew got me out of that one !shell prob call me again later and have to do groundhog day with her , bless her she means well but i just dont want the dramatics , hope that doesnt sound nasty x