Hi all,

I was diagonosed on monday 17th nov with breast cancer - grade 3 invasive ductal. This comes after having a clear mammogram, a clear ultrasound, but a C4 suspicious biospy. I was told that it would be very unusual for me to have it given my age (just turned 36) and no family history, but I had to have a core biopsy and that came back with Grade 3.
They have told me that it is agressive and fast growing and can’t tell me as to whether it has spread. Although they said that the “cut off” point for spreading is normally 20mm and mine is already 19mm. They also said it is very “dispersed” with no obvious edges and is “fluffy”.
I am due to have an op on the 3rd dec to have lump removed plus all my lymph nodes, then chemo and then radiotherapy and possibly hormone treatment.

As if this isn’t bad enough, I am terrified that is had spread, and although they say this is very unlikely, they also said it was very unlikely that I had it in the first place, plus I have had weird symptoms for months that the docs couldn’t diagnose and now I have trouble breathing and pain on breathing, cough and all by my armpit has swollen up. I accept that a lot of the way that I am feeling could be down to stress and the nurse thinks that the swelling by my armpit is probably due to the core biopsy.
My mind is running all over the place at the moment, and I am even more paranoid about it being everywhere due to the fact that I have lived opposite a whole bunch of mobile masts for years of which according to the survey we had done on them are kicking out over 500 times the accepted levels of radiation. For this alone I am convinced I must be riddled with it, and that it is going to be curtains for me.

I know that I need to get a grip and start to think more positively, but I am struggling so much with all of this, and the thought of having to wait several more weeks until I know what is going on is driving me insane. I can’t eat, sleep, concentrate. Every time I look at my little boy (who’s 21 months old) I cry. The thought of having to leave him is breaking my heart in two and I really feel like I am cracking up.

I have the occasional “lucid” moment where I think “I’m not having this - get a grip and fight it” and the next moment (and most of the time) I am thinking “what’s the point” or “depends whether there is any chance”.

I know I am rambling and I’m sorry, but I’m all over the place at the moment and could really do with some good advice.

Many thanks

Ah, bless you sweetie. All perfectly ‘normal’ feelings, my love. I too am quite new at this game, and I’m sure there are plenty of others on this website who can offer you more worldly words of wisdom. Have a read up of my ‘terrified in a tizz’ stuff, and you’ll see all the same rubbish coming out of my gob! Chin up chick. x Jackie x

Hi Julie,

I am sure lots of other ladies will be on to wish you well and give you advice. In the meantime I just wanted to send you hugs ((((()))))))

You are still in shock and made worse by the unknown. Try to take it one day at a time. Is there any chance of having your op sooner if the wait is driving you insane (as it does for many of us, its the NOT knowing). Where are you being treated? Is there another hospital who can treat you sooner and that you would feel happy going to?

Yes, your tumour is large and aggressive but that isn’t necessarily an indicator of spread, and, if it has, its not a death sentance - there are many women on this site who are living with mets. I had a grade 1/2 18mm tumour with 1/9 lymph nodes with micro metastases so unfortunately grade and size isn’t an indicator for spread as there are so many different possibilities and I am sure every woman’s story on here wont lead you to a logical - if that is that then this will be this. Unfortunately you can only wait.

You will learn to deal with this and cope and you can get fantastic support on this site. We are all here for each other.

I am sorry my post isnt more positive. Perhaps you should try speaking to the ladies on the telephone support line who are great and always have a listening ear. Think about trying to get your surgery earlier if thats what you need to get through this.

Again, hugs to you whilst you wait for other more knowlegeable women to come along, ((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))) Ostrich, xx

Hi, Thanks for your posts. I have asked about getting the surgery earlier, but that is the earliest they can do. This is at the Birmingham Women’s hospital. I don’t know how to go about getting it done anywhere else. I can’t afford to go private or I would have had it done by now - they are so quick!!

Big hugs
You are in one of the worst times just now as you don’t know for sure what you are dealing with,yes you have BC but how far has it gone? Try (hard I know) not to panic and do not assume its a death sentence.Just take it one wee step at a time.19 mm is still very small,I am always amazed at ladies with 10CM tumours,but hey my boobs weren’t big enough!
Be kind to yourself and spent time with your son.
Good luck and keep us informed (feel free to rant and rave)

Hi Julie

I am sorry to read of your diagnosis. As well as the help and advice from the many informed users of this site you may find BCC’s resource pack helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed. The pack is free of charge as are all our publications. If you would like a copy just follow the link below:

If you feel you need to talk to someone in confidence then please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
I hope this is of some help to you.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)