2 months ago the bombshell was dropped my wife had found a lump in her breast.
The following mammogram and biopsy
confirmed 2 x 13mm IDC grade 2 in the upper inner chest and was described by the onco surgeon a “very treatable.”
Role on post surgery it appears the tumours were joined and there were cancer cells found within the chest wall.
The rumour has also been upgraded to 3 so more aggressive with one of the lymph nodes positive.
The surgeons previous optimism has noticeably gone to gloomy.
We are waiting for CT scans chemo and Rad dates
She is er+ve her -ve.
I am just numb i seem to have unloaded most of my outpouring emotions with the original diagnosis.
I talk to Macmillan support regularly that definitely helps.
Although obviously worried she is an absolute trooper and is more concerned for me.
i am struggling to adjust to a " new normal" for this dreaded new future and sleep seems to be a luxury of the past. I am terrified of failing her because I cannot get my own functionality in order.
I know I’m not a partner (I’m a partner’s partner who had breast cancer) but I thought I might reply on behalf of my husband who has come through it. He’d never come on a forum lol. I was diagnosed a year ago today. First I had a cheery non-cancer diagnosis but biopsies contradicted that, much to the consultant’s “shock” (ours too!). Each week, my diagnosis got worse and, after a mastectomy and full node clearance, we were told 19 of my 21 lymph nodes were infected and there were no margins for one of my lumps. Scary? No. I switched off. My husband was shell-shocked, like you, and filled with a fear I didn’t share - I knew how high the breast cancer survival rates were so rolled up my sleeves and (apart from hysterical phobic reactions) took everything they threw at me. Meantime, my husband slept very little and was frequently sick with anxiety without my knowing. Once we’d talked about it, mysteriously it stopped! He was a rock, taking on everything I couldn’t deal with, shrinking clothes, feeding me, collecting prescriptions and always there for me. I didn’t react well to chemo and was like a zombie much of the time. The only thing he did wrong was to keep sighing “How much more of this is there?” as if I had any answers! So long as you don’t ask crass questions like that and you are there for her (maybe sometimes just in the background or stepping back when she needs to be independent), you will be doing a great job.
You’re right. Your wife will be very concerned about the burden she’s putting on you but she needs all her emotional strength now to focus on herself and her treatment and recovery and that’s very hard to do as wives do fret about their husbands! So long as you are both honest about how you’re feeling and both access support when you need it, you’ll come through it together. It’s great that you’ve turned to Macmillan and found it helpful. I’ll be honest: it’s not easy - there will be worrying times and times when you wonder how much more she/you can take (as well as occasional funny times) - but you will both get through it and, yes, you’ll have to create a new normal together. I am now cancer-free, the treatments have been successful but I still have some annoying side-effects lingering. We’re now muddling through with a different outlook on life, definitely closer and with greater understanding and appreciation of each other (I hope). All I need to do now if break my husband’s habit of watching me like a hawk.
I wish you and your wife well as you embark on this treatment programme to get that breast cancer destroyed. All my scans came back clear so an infected node needn’t mean there’s been a further spread. That’s the whole point of the lymph nodes - catch the disease and hold onto it. So please don’t always fear for the worst. Remember, recovery rates are very high nowadays. Good luck - and I hope you get some sound tips from other partners.