Petrified that this is breast cancer

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Hello everyone,

My name is Joanne and I am 28 with a lovely fiance and the cutest little 21 month old called Lily.

Sorry for the long, rambling post here!

I have always had what I call ‘lumpy’ breasts, I first went to the doc with a lump (that my Mum could feel as well) when I was 13 and the doc said “you just have lumpy breasts, you always will have”. Since then, I have been referred to the breast clinic at the hospital several times, most times the lumps have turned out to be fibrous tissue (good old lumpy breasts!) and then 6months after Lily was born, I had a cyst in my left breast, which was drained (but the fluid not tested).

Last Oct, I found another lump in my right breast, and the GP told me “not to touch it or it would spread the cancer”! Not the best bedside manner I’ve ever come across. Anyway, the hospital again said fibrous tissue so I forgot about it.

Then just before Xmas 08 I found another two lumps in my left breast, one small and well defined, like a pea, and the other, more like a ‘ridge’. I left it over Xmas to see if it was hormonal and would go with my period, but it didn’t. Last Fri (2nd Jan), I noticed my left nipple looked swollen, almost like there was something inside it and my fiance agreed. When I looked again the next day, it looked like it had white stuff in it, almost like a spot. So, I squeezed it and a hard white bit came out, them lots of white stuff and finally a bit of blood and then clear liquid. Without wanting to sound gross, it was just like when you squeeze a spot, the white stuff, the bit of blood to signal you’ve got it all out and then the clear liquid. So I convinced myself it was a spot that weirdly was on my nipple, but resolved to go to the doc and get it checked anyway.

Went to the doc y’day (Wed 7th) and he examined both breasts, said the lump in the right breast was still there (the one checked in Nov) and said the letter from the hospital said it was a ‘small fibroadenoma’. How the hell they can say that when all they did was an ultrasound, is my first concern. Surely they’re supposed to do a biopsy to rule out malignancy?! Then he found the two lumps in the left breast and then squeezed my nipple and more discharge came out (milky white). This shocked me as I’d convinced myself it was a spot, though I guess you don’t get spots/whiteheads on your nipples? Neither of us saw blood, which I guess it good.

Try as he might, he couldn’t get discharge out of the other nipple, which I know would have been more reassuring that it isn’t BC.

He said he was worried, and that the combination of the lumps and the discharge, both in the left breast were a concern. So he referred my urgently, and I have an appt for next Fri 16th Jan.

I know none of you can diagnose me, and that many of you are going through much worse than me…some of your posts are so brave and inspirational and I don’t want to sound like a moaning minnie when I haven’t even been diagnosed yet…but I spent last night sat on the sofa with my fiance (Lily was in bed) drinking the champagne we’d been bought to celebrate our Xmas engagement and sobbing and I’m so so scared that I have finally got BC and won’t get to see my precious little girl grow up and that she will not remember me. I know I’m jumping ahead, but I can’t help it.

Sorry for rambling and thank you for reading.

Joanne

xxx

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Dear Joanne,

The good thing is that your GP has taken you seriously and you have an appointment. you may find it helpful to look at the information on your first appoint on this site - it will give you an idea of what to expect. One piece of wisdom I was given was do not look up too far ahead, you may end up worrying unnecessarily - just take it a stage at a time. Try to hold on to the fact that BC is not always a death sentence these days - even with a positive diagnosis you could see your lovely Lily grow up.

I do remember how awful it was having to wait first for the appointment and then for results… this site is excellent, you will get lots of sound advice and support and if you want to talk the helpline is always there.

Thinking of you, let us know how things go - cyberhugs to you Jacqui

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Hi Joanne

Welcome to the forums where I am sure you will continue to receive support and information, as Jacqui has kindly suggested, you may also find it helpful to read the BCC booklet about being referred to a breast clinic. It can be found by following the link below:-

breastcancercare.org.uk//docs/referral_redesign__final_14_feb_08_0.pdf

Please do call the helpline if you feel it would help to talk your concerns through with someone in confidence, the line is open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm on 0808 800 6000.

Best wishes
Lucy

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Thanks Jacqui and Lucy. I appreciate your comments, and know there’s not much I can do till next Friday (apart from check both breasts and nipples at every given opportunity! I’ve even been trying to get nipple discharge out of the right nipple but can’t. Think i must be cracking up!).

Joanne

xxx

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Hi Joanne

The waiting for an appointment is always the worst bit. I know it sounds silly but try not to prod and poak too much as you will probably just make yourself more uncomfortable - I am talking from experience because i was always checking to see if things felt different etc it drove my OH mad and he made me only check every other day at the most - when I did that they were less painful.
The proding and poaking won’t change anything either.
Thinking of you till you get your results
Regards
Helen

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Thank you Helen,

Just been to a friend’s surprise 40th b’day party and was good to forget about (or kind of forget) my stupid breasts for a few hours! I know that I should leave them alone but every time the nipple discharge starts again, I feel compelled to check. Stupid, I know.

Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot

Joanne
xxx

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Hello Joanne

Will you be able to take someone with you to the hospital ? It’s very hard to remember what the doctors say on these occasions so it’s always a good idea to have someone else there if possible to provide an extra set of ears.

I hope the time passes quickly before your appointment. Try not to worry too much - remember that 9 out of every 10 lumps are benign.

Let us know what happens.
Thinking of you.
Anthi x

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Hi Joanne,To make you feel better i just wanted to let you know i was forever groping my boobs and checking for lumps and bumps and looking for any changes in the lump that was already there.Even now i can honestly say i still check them at least every other day and i am a year on !! Good luck for next friday and let us know how you get on.Gill x

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Thanks Anthi and Gill,

My fiance Mick, will be coming with me next Friday, but we have no-one to have Lily so him and Lily will have to wait outside while I go in for the tests (don’t think it’s a good idea having Lily running around in the treatment/test room!). All my family live up in Yorkshire (we are in Coventry) so they can’t be there either. To be honest, if it’s bad news, don’t really want anyone else there other than Mick and Lily, though I know I prob won’t get a def diagnosis on the day. Will have work to concentrate on in the meantime! Not to mention Lily, and she’s enough to make anyone smile (though I am biased!)

Joanne
xxx

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Hi everyone,

I had my appt at the hospital today and wanted to let you know how I got on. The breast surgeon/specialist said he didn’t think my lumps were suspicious but wanted to ultrasound them to be sure. The ultrasound showed very lumpy, dense breasts, but nothing bad. The songrapher was fantastic, she asked me to put my finger on where the lumps were and then put the ultrasound probe thing where my finger was and took a photo and explained that the lumps were peaks in normal breast tissue. I also got her to ultrasound the other breast, the one that had the lump last Nov where there was a question over whether I had a fibrodenoma, and again, she just saw very lumpy tissue. Good news there then!

Re the nipple discharge, the specialist just wants me to keep an eye on it and see me again in 6 weeks to see if it’s stopped. I’ve been reading all your posts, and esp ruby1966, as it was so relevant to me, and am acutely aware that sometimes hardly any bloody discharge can be suspicious (in fact I quoted you, hope you don’t mind!) and he said, yes, but, it can also be nothing. Wasn’t particularly enouraged by that response! I haven’t had discharge of any kind for almost a week now, so am hoping that whatever it was is gone, but will keep an eye and hopefully report to the specialist that it’s gone when I see him again in 6 weeks.

In any case, I want to say a huge thank you to all of you for your support over the last week or so; I don’t think you can comprehend how much it helps to have people to talk to and people that can empathise with situations like that. I continue to admire you all and the way you find the time to help others, even when you’re going through pretty rough times yourselves and hope that doesn’t sound patronising.

Thank you again for your help.

Joanne

xxx

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Hi Joanne
I dont mind you quoting my case. My case is very rare (I am young and pagets accounts for a small % of cases) - and I try to emphasis that there are many other causes. I know there are other causes, because in my lengthy diagnosis I was trawling the internet … and desperately looking for something positive.
When I read the postings from ladies who are desperate for answers, just like I was, I try to emphasis that my case is rare, but I do not want anyone to be complacent.
I feel so strongly about early diagnosis because it can save lives. It is for this reason that I try to log on here frequently and respond.
If I can inspire ladies to push for early diagnosis, and just one in a thousand is diagnosed earlier rather than later, then I will be at peace.

I am so happy for you Joanne… and this is one of the manu, many cases that has a happy outcome. An outcome that some ladies who are in the same position as you were a week ago would love to hear as they desperately trawl the internet for something positive!!!

Lisa X