S**t gonna hit the fan
Thanks for your comments girls. Especially re-assuring that it will not leave much of a mark, if any.
Have now been told (yesterday, Friday) that Hickmans are only done Mondays, and if they try to reinsert PICC on tuesday and it fails and they book Hickman for the 17th, there will be no appointments for chemo till 24th so a delay of 11 days. I don’t want that!!
Therefore I will have Hickman on Monday. I have to be in day surgery for 7.30 am for more invasion on my fragile little body, all because this nurse fancied a bit of practice. Usually I am so positive. I love my wig, my boobs will look great in 7 months time when surgeon does nipple and finishes turning my B’s into pair of C’s. In make up I look as glam as my former self. But now the coin has flipped as I see me for what I really am, 1 nipple, scars, balding, cancer victim. This incident has done me so much damage phscologically and to my confidence, as I see how vulnerable and at everyone’s mercy I really am. Where as until yesterday I felt invincible with my strength.
In this journey I already had MRSA, but I beat that, thanks to good antibiotics, before it took hold. The antibiotics didn’t make me sick as promised so I said “bring it on” to chemo. Had 2 so far been fine. I really felt like I could kick cancer’s arse, but now feel so negative and frightened, because I really am at the mercy of other people & fate. This incident and all the extra trauma that comes with it, proves that.
At the time the nurse (light blue uniform, not a sister) said to the charge nurse. “shall I clean that PICC line?”. he replied “have you done it before?”. She said “yes but not in this department?” She did it, and he watched as she did most of it. As she dressed the finished job she paused and changed her mind having closed the clasp and re-opened it. If she was unsure, she should have asked Not gone 50/50 on luck. Hence the blood flowed through and blocked the line.
Please ladies could you ask your chemo depts, (not gonna get any truth out of mine) if nurses are really allowed to flush out PICCs in that department, because usually I only see sisters and charge nurses working on patients. I feel totally let down because like everybody else here I placed my trust and my veins in these people. If there is a flaw in the procedure of what happened, and she was un-qualified to do the job as would be a window cleaner for example, I will press for an assault charge.
Throughout this my onc has been called at home, my BC nurse is appauled and I have notified PALS by phone and will probably write a letter.
I am hoping that by monday night, my positive nature will kick back in and I will see the doughnut again, not the hole through the middle. I pray that my entry scar will be minimal as my surgeon has done so well with his stitches.
Sorry to sound so woeful by have to get it chest
Jules x