I will e mail you jane or whisper back, but the answer is yes. I feel flattered that you want to use it. I feel honoured that so many people have found this useful. I just felt at the time it summed up my feelings and it helped me. I’m coming round to my “first” it’s nearly 12 months since I was DX!
Even know I still get “I don’t know how you went through what you did”, or “where did you get the strength from?”, well I don’t know but we do don’t we?
I still get very emotional somedays, and still wonder if the past 12 months have been a dream or a nightmare.
Then I look at my veins, and my hair and know it was real!!!
Then I look in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at me!
Couldn’t believe when I read your verse it was written nearly a year ago-it could have been myself I was reading about! Had a clear mammo in January a week after my 50th, then found a lump in September-dx 11th Oct, op 31st and waiting results on Monday! Would like to use your verse to let people know how I feel-just because I look so healthy and am getting on with life doesn’t mean I am fine despite what I say when folk ask…does that make sense?? Thanks for putting into words everything I feel! x
'You need to be strong/ stay strong/ you are so strong/ how can you be so strong … ’ yep, we hear all of that, all the time, as though we had a choice in the matter when all we are trying to do is just get on with it!
I don’t feel particularly strong and some days I feel like just giving up and staying in bed with a good book - but you can’t tell others that or they think you have become depressed and then all the ‘you have to stay strong’ stuff is trotted out again.
Sorry for sounding a little jaded but your poem hit a raw nerve for me - I am so glad someone else feels just like me!
It my anniversary today a whole year since dx and what a year it has been, I know exactly what you mean about looking in the mirror and not recognising the person staring back at you. Your poem summed up exactly how I felt at the beginning of the year but I must admit I feel much more positive now and tend to ignore the stupid people who dont know how I managed to get through it DOH.
Hope your anniversary wasn’t too stressful, mine is coming up too 12th Dec, year ago today, date wise I had that first mammogram. I am more postive now, but I feel a bit anxious some days and I am re living the nightmare coming up to my anniversary, there is before and after, isn’t there. I do ignore a lot of people but many people just do not know and I think for me it was better that way.
I did write a poem about chemo, I might put it on here one day.
What a cord this struck with me. Diagnosed on 6/2/08 and continuous treatment and hospital appointments ever since. A year ago I had no idea. Had two boobs and a full head of hair and didnt know a thing about cancer and chemo side effects or any of it. I look in the mirror and see a stranger. I feel 20 years older. Was a young 56 I thought. So so tired I can hardly drag myself out of bed most days. But you all see light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully so will I. Thank you for a lovely poem.
My mammo was 22 January and now, nearly a year down the line, after mast/recon/chemo/rads, depressed, unrecognisable, probably more anxious than at any point this year and unable to articulate why… I’m still not sure it’s sunk in.
Thanks for this beautiful summary of how very many of us feel, or have felt.
Just bumping this up, as it might help some of you who have recently been DX.
I think about this poem a lot and my feelings, around the time of DX.
I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else? but “apparently” I have Post Traumatic Stress as I did not cope with my feelings at the time of DX. So I’m now having counselling!
Is anybody else still feeling down all the time?
I have found the article by Dr Peter Harvey After The Treatment Finishes, very interesting and useful.
thankyou sarah - as a newbie - unfortunately - to all this - was diagnosed on jan 7th and had my surgery on 28th and about to start chemo next week…knocked for 6 doesn’t cover it does it??? MAry x
Hi Sarah
Just found this, I had my 1st mammo Dec 08, month after my 50th, so it really hit home, the poem is brilliant, sums up the feelings around that first recall appt so well.
How are you now, hope the counselling helps, ironically, reading the postss you were making last year, you sounded to be coping admirably! - as well as supporting others on the forums.
Hope you are OK
Thanks again for the poem - agree with the person who said friends and family should read it!
Yes I’m ok think I just had a little blip this year, which started about Dec I think I was going through my “firsts”. I’m not sure the counselling has helped but I have a good moan! So it hasn’t done any harm, lets put it that way!
It’s funny when you are going through it and for a while after people listen, talk and care, and are very supportive, then suddenly it all stops, as if “well you have got over it now”, so we needen’t talk about it any more. This is very noticeable at work, where no one asks at all!!! In fact I’m still on reduced hours and I don’t think they have noticed LOL!
Thanks for saying I was coping admirably and supporting others that was nice to hear.
I’ve just put another “ditty” on (wont be brave enough to call it a poem!) called Looking Back, (it’s in living with Breast cancer)
I had so many words going round my head one night I just let them flow, so I put it on last night. I don’t come on here as much these days as its finding the time as I work full time then I’m knackered and waiting to go to bed!!
Sarah x
Bumping this up for Karen 1971, and other ladies whom it might help.
I have just reached my 5 years and celebrated. so I know what you are all going through at this time of year. I was Dx in Dec 2007, and had my op on 31st Dec. I then had 6 lots of chemo, and 4 weeks of rads.
