I think that if those of us with cancer, can ask for help in a gracious and thoughtful way, most people will respond well. Unfortunately, many of the people we ask will encounter cancer in their own lives at some stage, and will remember how we behaved and feel brave enough to ask for help themselves.
I travelled to London on the train/tube regularly with nothing on my bald head and people obviously felt uncomfortable. I always asked quietly if I could have a seat and once I’d broken the ice, everyone was so lovely and helpful - and usually a conversation around cancer was started; yes really, on a crowded tube! It would come out that so many people had loved ones affected but hadn’t wanted to talk about it.
So, playing the cancer card can be a positive to those around us in helping them to open up a bit - and getting people to understand that you don’t have to look ill (or even be bald) to live with cancer
Annie I love your post. It is so true that when we are gracious and thoughtful in the way we approach others it really can be a learning curve for many. It is a good thing to help others not to be afraid of the CANCER word. When I was first diagnosed 22 years ago this year it was still spoken in hushed tones and I was very open and upfront about my diagnosis and it started so many lovely conversations where people really poured out their hearts sometimes and told me of such sadnesses in their lives.
Thank you dawn, and Jeniffer, I really agree with you. I’m often far too determined and mouthy and I’ve realised that my diagnosis has made me Mrs Angry, so 2012 is when I think about others a bit more.
The cancer card is there to be played, as we have every right to use it, but I’ll try not to use it in anger or frustration.
And that’s a great ethos to have Annie, and yes having cancer can turn us into angry people, part of the emotional rollacoaster we are on I guess. There are times I get angry and I hate it as I’m not an angry type person.
With all the treatment, the emotional turmoil we endure, the fear, the SE’s, the constant tirdness, It’s ok to occasionally ask for someone to cut you some slack on any given occasion.
I received just Monday a demand from HM treasury the inland revenue a demand of £971.60 for an overpayment of tax credits dating back to 2006/07, I knew about it then and appealled, they acknowledged my appeal and I’ve heard nothing since and assumed it put to bed. Although they never wrote to me and actually said that…I just assumed after 5 years it was done with…silly silly me.
Apparently they have now decided I have to pay it and my first letter from them says I have to pay it back by 3rd feb or recovery proceedings will be commenced. I fully intend to speak to them on Monday and I will let them know I’m currently receiving chemo and am about to go on half pay and am yet to have an MX, then rads - I guess thats playing the cancer card…am I wrong to use it? I hope not, I just pray I am dealt with by a sympathetic listener who will put it on the back burner for a bit, at least for the length of my treatment which in effect is 12 months…we will see.
Libralady sorry to bump into your thread but I actually agree with you. They only seem to pick on the ones that will pay even in hardship what about all those that get taken to court that get let off or pay a 1p in the £. Play your card girl you have enough to deal with. Chris
I think you’re just stating it as it is…
Your financial circumstances have changed considerably and you’re undergoing harsh medical treatment. I do hope someone listens to you sympathetically but the Treasury are not known for their empathy!
Really hope you get a very positive result LIBRALADY.
This is not ‘playing’ the cancer card but telling relevant people about your current circumstances.
Libralady I don’t think this is playing the CANCER card in the wrong sort of way. You need to tell them the truth and that is what you have stated in your post and that cannot be wrong - it is FACT. I honestly thing that if they have paid you wrongly over a period of ‘x’ weeks then the very least you should get is that amount of weeks to pay it back! I think they just need a response from you initially reminding them that you did write to them at the time (with copies of correspondence if you have kept it) so that they know you are not ignoring their letter. I hope someone will come along who knows more about this sort of thing with some helpful advice for you.
I agree with others - this is not ‘playing the cancer card’ it IS ‘using the cancer card’ though and I feel it is very appropriate!! (Hence not really liking the title of this thread - but like the thread!). I really hope you get a sensible response, nd if you dont, talk to someone else till you do! They should at least give you the same amount of time to pay back as time from their error!!
Grrrr Libralady, you having to pay that money back makes me mad. U use that card girl & don’t worry about it. It was their faulty after all. I had a similar thing happen several years ago when the kids were young & i received tax credits. All my details were correct but they never worked on the current year so we were paid for the previous year, then our income went up a bit so they took it all back! Its a disastrous system that leaves many people out of pocket when its not their fault. Go for it & lay it on thick. And as the others say if u have to pay it, just offer a token amount, u’d be amazed at how little these people will accept as long as they’re getting something back they’re usually happy. Good luck with it x
My husband said not to overly worry if they are not sympathetic as he will pay it…I have no issue paying it if I have to as I don’t want a mark against my name, especially as we want to buy a new house this year. I will just have to take it out of my ISA account.
My hubby said let him speak to them and stress I’m not well enough to deal with this right now, I will let you know the outcome next week.
My sister says go in the local office with my bald head as proof and testament as they may have more understanding seeing me…over the phone anyone can say anything and they probably heard a mound load of excuses that they become immune to. What do you think?
I do have loads of letters from the Oncology unit so I can prove my illness.
What I can’t understand is why its taken them 5 years to come back??
Hi libra lady,
THis happened to me recently and throughout the whole process i kept a record of when i made the call and who i spoke to.
They said i owed them £7k which was a hell of alot of money and had told them that this was wrong for ages eventually they reduce this to 1k which is the amount I have been telling them all along but they didnt listen.
I put in a dispute form becuase they get lots of people disputing it so its quite normal…!
Also now you can put in the dispute that you have cancer and have no extra money to pay this back.
Hopefully you will get a nice person to talk to, I did! He was really lovely and sorted out all my problems and helped me with a payment plan.
Hope you get this sorted out.
lots of love
Fran
xx
The same thing happened to me a year ago, before the cancer. I spoke to them on the phone and was offered a payment plan to pay them back over 3 years and I only owed them £270. So don’t worry unduly, I think their threats are just to frighten you into acting quickly.
This happened to me just over a year ago, I think it was for something like approx £400, but I rang them and a really nice, polite man was very helpful and set up a payment plan which allowed me to pay it back in installments over 6months.
Karen
I don’t have a problem gaining whatever advantage I can from this horrible disease because at then end of the day I would swap THE CANCER CARD for a healthy body in a flash,it is just that no one with a healthy body would swap with me. And if I did have a healthy body I would do whatever I could to make life better for anyone I came into contact with who didn’t.
I after great consideration including sleepless nights of worry and terror how I was going to organise a big party in April for our Silver wedding this march. I sent them an email saying that the cancer treatment has been a fulltime job, I got a letter back saying once someone got half theres back which I was hopeful for.
I opened the mail and saw they we’re sndibg me a check back for the full amount. I didn’t use the cancer card just explained it was the reason.
I also like the Idea that someone put forward of having a like/dislike button on each post so it can be seen how the majority feel in situations like the one that has unfortunately arisen on this thread.
On a completely different subject has anyone seen any threads about palpitations while on cmf as I spent 4hrs last night searching with no luck? I will start a thread and see what comes back I guess.