I have to say that just occasionally when I’ve read this thread, I’ve felt like CCL, and have felt uncomfortable about the way the “Cancer Card” has been played.
I too agree with what KeeptheFaith has written, about having a thread called “Nice things that people do for us when they didn’t have to.”
I really wanted to go to see someone on his UK tour, at our local Stadium. None of my friends wanted to go, and I didnt want to go on my own, so I didnt get to see him. I guess I could have played the cancer card and written to him to say I’d had two different sorts of breast cancer, and had also supported my parents through Dad’s 3 cancers in the last two years. That way, I might have got to meet him backstage! But the thought never crossed my mind to do that.
I havent posted for ages, and I really dont want to upset any of you by what I’ve written, because a lot of you have been people I’ve shared threads with in the past, and anyway we each have our own opinions etc.
But, although I havent signed in or posted for quite a while now, I’ve read this thread most days since it started, and it’s open to anyone accessing the website. Might there be members of “Jo Public” to whom we’re inadvertently giving a sometimes negative impression of “playing the cancer card”, rather than what is meant by you all as a light-hearted thread, showing how kind strangers can be?
Or maybe I’m just a kill joy?
With much love to you all, and I hope 2012 is a better year for Everyone.
Everyone feels different I guess…just me…I’ve never wanted to play the cancer card because I’ve always wanted to be the same, treated the same as everyone else. Partly, I think, because I was diagnosed stage 4 from the start I’ve never wanted to end up being defined by my diagnosis. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that I have cancer but only a selected few know I’m a cancer patient. (easy to do at mo as I still have all my hair.)
hey, sorry for those offended by the title, but may i suggest, er, not reading it? i started the thread because i wanted to lighten up a bit, and not to shy away from the word cancer, and not to feel like such a victim. and the thing is we need extra help when we’re ill, there’s nothing wrong with asking for it, and sometimes sharing experiences helps us to speak up and get what we need.
but of course we can’t expect to agree on everything, just because we have the same illness, but maybe can live and let live?
Judes it’s a great thread - why should we shy away from our diagnosis when there is something we need to help us through this rough journey. For example, I am definately going to use the Cancer Card when my sick pay runs out and people start chasing me to pay bills, they are going to have to wait until I am earning again - I hope hoping the Cancer Card will mean they back off and give me the extra time I need. There are many other reasons why I am not going to ‘hide’ and be embarassed or cringe when asking for help, there are many people in this country use use the taxes I have paid for the last 30 years to their advantage!!! Grrr
Oh… it’s not about not reading a thread if you’re offended by it - instead it’s about feeling ok about having your say about it. I don’t expect others to agree with me, and I hesitated and cut out parts of my post, and changed other parts before I submitted it, cos I wouldnt want anyone to misconstrue and/or be offended by what I’d written.
I agree with everything you’ve written - when people are unwell, they definitely need that extra help. But in my case, I didnt have chemo, so I wouldn’t have been able to show a bald head, so my verbal request couldnt have been backed up by showing someone that I’d physically got cancer.
You sound a really caring person, n with a great sense of humour - I suppose I just feel awkward that anyone would feel the need to back up their request by purposefully removing a wig. I’m referring now to your first post - they’d probably have moved tables round for you anyway, without you having to do that. It just seems that in removing your wig, it could be felt that you were making yourself out to be the victim you don’t want to be.
If Jo Public has the time (and peculiarity) to read random threads on a board that doesn’t relate to them… I’m not sure I can worry about that.
I don’t like being a victim, I refuse to be a victim to cancer or anything else, but there are times when this journey is really tough, and if people are kinder because they know, then great. For me, it’s not that my identity is a “cancer sufferer” (I hated scarves for that reason), it’s about being brave enough to be real, and not being afraid to accept kindness. Sometimes it’s easier to be prickly than gracious (I find).
I can see what you mean about the title, in a way, it could sound as if we were taking advantage, but I can’t think of a better wording, and it has been great to read of other people’s courage and resilience too.
I don’t like it either.
I wouldn’t try and blag favours or special treatment, 'cause i’ve got cancer. Can you imagine if every one with some illness did?
Good luck Daysie. My sick pay ran out months ago and I am now in debt, can’t pay the mortgage and have nothing. If you find a way of paying bills without money, gis a nudge.
i would much rather not have any card to play, but the fact is we have BC and its made me feel terrible at times, down in the dumps, upset, tired, sick etc etc… i don’t want the whole world knowing about it, but Yes, i would accept special treatment if offered and if i needed it.
And if anyone can find a way of paying the bills without money, i’d also love to know :))
i think maybe we will have to agree to disagree, because i know none of us wish to offend anyone else on here, not when we’ve had so much support when needed
hey, i agree we aren’t going to agree, so that’s ok isn’t it. we do things differently.
shelle you sound like a nice person too, i’m sure we’d get along, but i have to say i don’t agree with your interpretation of my taking off my hat in the pub. for me, it wasn’t about playing the victim, it was about taking a shit thing, BC, and turning it on its head a bit. and about not being embarrassed to be bald in the pub with my lovely friends on a lovely afternoon. that was my experience and to be honest that’s what counts. i’m not saying anyone else should do it, please don’t say i shouldn’t.
If I remember you started with stating that it was meant to be light hearted and to give others a laugh and to share ideas!
It is in fact a very positive thing to see anything good coming out of something as c*** as cancer. People can choose not to ‘play the cancer card’ but for many of us it can be a way of improving stressful situations and sharing them with others helps!
Judes, thanks ever so much for helping me to see it from your point of view. I can see where you’re coming from now. I’m really sorry that I was saying you shouldn’t have taken your wig off. I’m glad you enjoyed that afternoon with your friends, and yes, I think we would get on if we met!
Nicky - my comments are similar to you too - thanks for helping me see things from a different perspective. Anything that helps to improve horrible or stressful situations is just SO good!! I don’t think I’ve ever played the cancer card, but I’ve used other ways of dealing with stressful times, say by using humour - we’re all individual arent we, and find our personal ways that feel comfortable to us. And… like you say, what you’re doing on this thread is sharing with others on here, what’s happened and how you’ve dealt with it.
Yeah! Just could’ve used a different TITLE, one that wouldn’t have offended! What’ll you all be using next??? I’m REALLY SORRY. But there is absolutely nothing amusing or funny about cancer, still think the moderators should’ve made you change the title to a different one, using the CANCER card bloody awful, or should I get my kids to use it??? As a ‘laugh’
hey shelley, thanks for that, interesting discussion and i admire your thoughtfulness xxx
crazy cat sorry again you don’t like the title. can you, though, see that other people here do like it? i do anyway. so, under these circumstances, would you prefer to censor us, or can you let it be and live with not liking it? if not you could ask the moderators to change it, they might.
Sorry crazy cat lady but this forum was meant to be a bit of fun as heaven knows we could all do a bit of light relief in our lives just lately.
Even Ebenezer Scrooge managed to change his ‘Bah Humbug’ attitude so can’t you just accept this forum for what it was meant to be, and not for what you perceive it to be?
If you really find it that offensive then why keep visiting it?
I used to work in a dedicated cancer hospital, and my supervisor said to me when I started that cancer isnt just an illness, but it’s also an emotion. Reading today’s posts on here in particular, I can really see the “cancer as an emotion” element.
Hugs to everyone on here - I guess I’d like the title to be different, but I really feel that I can live with it, now I understand more what it’s about. I’m really glad to have been able to read the responses to what I’d put, and can see it from other people’s point of view now.
I think I’ve used humour as part of my own post mx recovery, in order to deal with things I’ve found difficult. That’s been my way of dealing with it, eg “One tit, one life, live it” which I pinched from someone else’s post on a different thread. Yep, at times Ive found it incredibly difficult body image wise, n i’ve had loads of support on here, but the “one tit, etc” saying is my way of sticking two fingers up to bc!
Oh gosh, if there was a prize for world’s best woffler, then it’d be me, for woffling on here. Thank heavens there isnt a maximum word count for each post - I wouldnt be able to cope. Why use one word when seven at a time does just as well, eh!
(not sure why i’m coming over all hip hop suddenly)
i wanted to add thanks for diffusing things. when i said ‘don’t tell me not to do it’, i knew it was a bit provocative, and you could’ve said ‘i never told you not to do anything’, which you didn’t. but instead you let it go and responded gracefully. thanks.
we could obviously both waffle on, don’t you love the forums xx
