Hi I’m new on here. I was diagnosed with Grade 3 in two nodes in November 2016 it is Er 6. I have been on another forum for a year and they are wonderful people but I feel I can’t keep being negative on there. I’ve found the emotional side of this crippling. I was diagnosed completely out of the blue with no history and had to have immediate scans for spread. It was like being thrust into a horror movie. Thankfully the scans were all clear but I’ve struggled so much. My children are my world and particularly my 18 year old son is so close to me I’m terrified of secondary and leaving them. It was a very aggressive tumour and 36mm I just .can’t see it not returning. I read the recent posts on here and felt so like many of you. I get a horrible fear just grips me and if anyone mentions something in a few years in my head I’m screaming I may not be here. My youngest is only 14 and needs me so much. I’m having telephone counselling at the moment. Anyone any advice for dealing with the fear and moving on. I want my old life and was so happy and blessed I grieve for it all the time. Thanks so much for reading x
Hi
Welcome to the forum. You will receive lots of help and support from all the lovely ladies on here.
Do you mind me asking, have you began treatment yet? Was your diagnosis this November? If so, it is really early days for you and I think we all felt the same at that time. I clearly walked around in a daze for a couple of weeks, while the world carried on without me. I too had a grade 3 lobular BC, and there is none in our family. However, here I am, a year after treatment, moving forward with my life.
Once you get your treatment plan in place, you will start to feel a bit better. Treatment for BC is very effective and there is no reason why you can’t get through this.
Other threads that maybe of help to you…just diagnosed section… and once you start treatment, Going through Treatment section. You will be able to chat to others going through the same as yourself.
Sending a hug
Sue xx
A warm welcome to the forum Typicalme, I hope you will find some comfort as you read across the various threads, yes we all have cancer in common but it isn’t the only thing we talk about and we certainly try not to be on a constant downer about things! You will see we have ladies who were diagnosed many many years ago still active on the forum which is a great comfort to those recently diagnosed ?
Like you ive struggled more with the emotional side of things, it completely floored me and I also couldn’t stand to talk about the future and plan things I felt I may not be here to enjoy but I am here 2.5 years on and very much enjoying life, I’ve seen one son marry and my other one get engaged and 3 weeks ago my first granddaughter arrived 
All the things I feared I may not see are happening around me and I’m here and heathy and living life to the full!
We dont know whats going to happen but we have to try and believe it’s going to be ok and not waste our days just waiting for something to rear its ugly head again , my brother said something to me in the early days of diagnosis which I remind myself of every day " Your alive today so get up and get on and keep doing it until the day something may happen to stop you and only then We will worry but not today! "
You do have your life back, at this moment in time you are ok , give the dark thoughts a minute then lock them away and get back to your children and your happy life, don’t let it take anymore from you! Xx Jo
Lovely post Jo xxx
I do remember thae feeling but things will get better
I hope my story helps
I had a mastectomy in November then chemo and Rads 2 nodes involved 35mm tumour also in skin and no clear anterior margin I was 48 and kids were 11 and 15
That was in 2004 I am now 61 and have 2 lovely grandsons I hope this shows that there can be a future and I wish you well
The constant worry will lesson as time goes on, life will never be the same again but it will get better
I hope the counselling helps
Hi Typicalme,
I’m glad to see you are having counselling.
Inevitably, bc being in the news can trigger feelings, but another way of looking at is, that there is now more evidence out there improving treatment for er+ bc, which will reduce the risk of recurrence.
Bc can be life changing for all of us, as can many other life changing events.
I just want to echo what Jo said & also to add, treatment has given your life back & that’s a gift.
ann x
TypicalMe - Yeh, Ive just posted you on another thread “Grade 3”. Please take it, from one 11yrs down the line - You DO and WILL stop thinking “What If’s” with making future arrangements, and start thinking more "What if Not"s. I would vehemently say/think “Do it Anyway”, especially if it’s something/ANYthing that will make or allow you to feel you’ve moved on from your BC diagnosis. Please don’t live your life “in fear” of it. But DO please keep us in touch with how you are doing - whether thats positive or negative - we honestly don’t mind, as we’ve all had and still have our negative times too. Sometimes another persons negative detracts us from our own, makes us feel us more normal, or not alone.
Much love to you
Delly xxxxxx
I like dellydelly (from rochdale too ) am 11 years ned. I had large lump node involvment vascular invasion. Agghhhh convinced I would not survive. Had full treatment her 2 positive as well. I had little 5 month old grandson at the time. Now I have 10 grandchildren. The fear mainly for me was for my kids. The youngest was 16. Not a child but the fear of leaving them all overwhelmed me paralysing me with fear. I was that emotion that I struggled with. I can say that as time passes and you move further away from dx you will learn to deal with your emotions. Unfortunately that will only happen with time. I never spoke of this fear to anyone. I rarely think of bc now and come on here to post to show that there is life after bc. Please don’t be hard on yourself what you are feeling is natural. It will get easier.