Hi All

Just got my oncology appointment for 21st April. Got my CT scan tomorrow at 5pm which is terrifying me due to the 2 positive lymph nodes I have…I pray this is OK. 

Really need some positive stories as this is all becoming very real and very scary now. 

Want to start the process of getting rid of this but the fear of still so many unknowns is a horrible feeling. 

Sorry for the moan but having a bad day emotions wise today and telling the kids my diagnosis this Friday is looming.

Hello Poacher.

Welcome to the forums where, you will find, nobody questions your right to have moan, a rant, an emotional outpouring…or a scientific discussion. I’m just sorry you have to be here.

Many of us have been heavily node-positive (19/21?) and results from CT scans and bone scans have come back negative, as have later MRIs. I always say thank god for those nodes, doing their job, holding onto the rogue cells and keeping us safe. Certainly there is a possibility of metastasis but it certainly isn’t a definite and, once a patient has undergone the right treatment, the danger for them has been removed. Not everyone is so fortunate but you will get used to how things are.

You will find waiting for results is torment. You imagine the worst and want to check stuff on google. Please don’t. Google has a huge capacity for erroneous information relative to you specific cancer and can’t take your emotions into consideration. The result invariably is one more scared patient. Most of us have made the mistake and regretted it!

This is a world of unknown quantities you have entered and, like it or not, you are going to have to accept it so it’s essential that you focus on your emotional wellbeing. Go running, bake, do your yoga; meditate, try mindfulness; in my own case I like to listen to one specific YouTube video - Progressive Hypnosis’s Manifest healing. I’m away with the fairies in minutes. These things have to be practised, incorporated into your daily routine, or they’re pretty pointless so now, while you’re waiting, is a perfect time. You haven’t said how old your kids are but this is one way you can help them to help you and therefore feel less helpless. Practise with one of them.

I hope your scan is on time (highly unusual) and the results are good. Don’t even think of asking the radiologist - you have to wait for the Multi-Discplinary Team to make their decisions (21st). Be thinking of questions you want to ask and keep a list. Decide just how much you want to know - some people can recite all their data, others (like me) just don’t want to know and trust their team to get on with what’s best for them. Then go armed with your questions on paper and use your phone to record the discussion because one could almost guarantee that little goes in. You hear the CT scan results are clear and are so relieved, nothing else goes in. Been there.

All the best. Whatever is thrown at you, it’s all manageable and it’s worth it.

Jan xx