I am 8 weeks post mx and recon, which then got infected and had to be removed leaving me with something that resembles half a breast! I cant have implant put back in for another 6 months despite getting married at beg of Nov. I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror, hate touching my half a breast and feel that my partner of only 2 years would be better off with somebody who hasnt been mutilated! Before all this i was an energetic, bubbly person who has a good career (currently off sick) and who did part time modelling. I have requested counselling but have told there is quite a wait in my area. This hasnt been helped by my partner coming home and telling me how the beach is full of beauties in their bikinis which he noticed whilst going for his daily run. perhaps im more sensitive right now and he tries to reassure me that its not all ugly but i cant even get undressed infront of him without hiding my mx side…pls somebody tell me this is normal and that it gets better otherwise i cant see us making it to the wedding!!
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way, I’m sure there’ll be others along soon to support you.
Please do give the helpline a ring, they’re open again at 9 in the morning, have a chat with one of the staff here who I am sure will be able to give you some emotional and practical support. They’re here for you at times like this.
I had a double mx beginning of Feb and had temp expanders implants fitted. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and am fedup of having these 2 numb odd shaped lumps on my chest, but at the same time I don’t think it has bothered me as much as I thought it would. I’ve never had big boobs so in that respect I am roughly the same size as before.
In terms of my husband seeing them, it is sad that I do not look as I did before but I’m hoping that after all the ‘tidy up’ and recon is done they will look more like normal breasts again, so I see it as only temporary (a hoping to have tissue from tummy taken instead of having implants). He does look at me and I can tell he seems sad for me, but it does jog his brain into realising just what I have been through over the last few months!
Tell you partner that you would rather not know about the ‘beauties’ on the beach or whereever! Very insensitive of him even though he may not mean to be.
Thank you paula, I actually wrote him a letter last nite (whilst unable to sleep)and put it in his lunch box for him to read later. I knew if i tried to talk to him about it i would just end up crying and feeling sorry for myself! Mine is also temporary but cant imagine ever looking normal again!!
I think I would find his comment insensitive even before I had a mastectomy! Does he think he is talking to his mates? It is a bit immature. Sorry if you think I am being a bit harsh but I feel for you. I had a mx in Oct 2008 and I still feel hurt when people tell jokes or send me “funny” emails about boobs etc. People can be very insensitive without realising it.
I think you did the right thing writing him a letter then you can explain how you feel without becoming emotional and tearful.
Hi Deed,
You have gone through an awful lot, and yes your partner is very thoughtless, but then again he is a man, and they don’t always think with their brains!!
I think if you read through your post, you are more upset about it than he is! (half a breast, cant stand looking in the mirror, hate touching your breast, mutilated, cant change in front of him) which l may say is completely understandable, but was just wondering if you are making something over a silly comment he has made. Your body was obviously something very important to you, if you were a part time model!
I am the worlds worst since dx, every little comment is taken the wrong way! but that is me and not them!
Loved that you put a letter in his lunchbox, that is something l would have done!! sometimes it is easier to write it down than talk, because we are all too emotional at the moment!
I am sure your wedding in November will go ahead and be a wonderful day for you both. Just keep writing him notes to put in his lunchbox, even when he says lovely things, tell him how lovely it was that he said something nice to you, it may sink in that you need to feel good about yourself, and no matter how little a compliment it is, it means everything to you!
Good Luck
Sandra xxx
Just wanted to say that I hope your lovely idea of a letter in the lunchbox has made your fiance see how you’re feeling. I think that men sometimes struggle with dealing with BC and all that goes with it, and they often don’t have the support that we all get from each other on here!! I am sure you will both get through this and have a wonderful wedding in November - you know that we will all be sending you big cyber hugs!
I am due to have a double MX in a few months, with expander implants fitted too. It’s a year (on Friday gulp) since diagnosis, and I have now decided to have them both off to reduce my risk of it coming back - have a young baby so feel I will do anything I can to keep me here for him.
thank you all for responding. Sandra, I think your right, its more of a problem for me than it is for him but i do wonder how you get your head round the fact that it looks different (currently awful) and learn to accept it which so many brave women on here seem to be able to do! My partner has been brilliant but think his mouth sometimes engages before his brain and he genuinly doesnt realise what hes said.
Im seeing the bc nurse this morning for some fluid build up so will have a chat with them.
hope your all healing well!!
Hi Deed,
Have you not got a drop in centre at the hospital or anywhere? we have a drop in centre in our local shopping high street, and they also do counselling as well as lots of activities, relaxation, massages! it may help!
Yes 6 months is a long wait, but then again you have the whole of your life in front of you! The only thing that matters is we get through this horrid bc!
Not sure anyone gets their head around all these problems, like us all l think we just have goods days and rubbish days!
And as you say, your partner opens his mouth before he engages his brain…man thing…don’t beat yourself up over it!
mumble very loudly ‘idiot’ or whatever words you think right!!!
He obviously loves you very much, if he is still marrying you with your ‘mutilated body’!!! YOUR WORDS! not mine!
Hope you got on ok, with regards to the fluid build up, l also went today for the same, Thankfully they said it is starting to slow down, so probably only another couple of times at the most.
I told her l had a real wobble yesterday! She said who wouldn’t you are not superwoman…And l thought l was!
I just hate, hate those wobble days!! but don’t we all?
You take care of yourself, lots of hugs
Sandra xxx