Post op & twice the size

Public Archive
61

HI Maggie - hope this week is your last - a milestone - then anything else planned?
Has 2ns FEC on Friday - again massive waiting period - which nothing can set you up for. Made hubby come this time so noe he more aware of what goes on and hes been so much more helpfulthis weekend. I had appoint ar 10.30 am saw doc agauin round about 12 then had chemo at 8pm got home at 10pm. Al least this time we went into cheltenham for a lovely lunch, glass of wine…But have been ok so far - not as tired as 1st time. Took girls to their showjumping on Sunday - rain managed to hold off for a good day. The youngest got 2 trophies (she is like cat that got the cream) she won 2’9 and 3’0 jumping the oldest was happy too with 2nd is her first dressage test on her riding instructors dressage horse and 3rd in tack and turn out on her new horse. The came home to a clean kitchen and sunday roast all prepared andd ready to go. So im happier - now today off on trian to glos (quicker than car) to get head shaved cant stand the moulting!!!

Kinden - where are you bit worried you not doing so well - hope you and children are ok.

hugs to all of you

Leesha

62

Hi Girls

Hope you’re all doing OK. Finally had my planning appt last Wed and start rads on Fri 18th July. Will be having 20 sessions with boosts for last 5. Start Zoladex next week. Tam starting to make me feel soooooo tired and joints aching so don’t know how I’ll be feeling when Zoladex starts!!! Going to ring BCN to find out which supplements/vits I can take to help - was thinking about glucosamine, evening primrose, cod liver oil etc Will be rattling when I walk if I take all these!!!

Take care everyone
Claire xxx

63

Hi all - just a querey - did any of you get pain in the arm like inflammed vein? My arm had been really painful this time - in and had blood test to check for infection etc - told take paracetomol!! but that doesnt touch it really. Am hoping it will calm down - but if they react like this each time - not sure what else to do - any alternatives to suggest. Apart from that im ok.
Have admitted im not invincible - and had a lazy weekedn doing nothing! gets boring after a while but it has to be done!

How u all doing?

64

Hi all
Leesha try ibuprofen for your arm if it doesn’t settle in a couple of days go see someone just to make sure everything is ok if it’s the arm that they’ve been putting your IV in for the chemo it may have tissued at some point and that can make it really sore and painfurl suggest they try other arm for next one. Really pleased for your girls I bet you’re really proud of them. Good to know your OH is taking more notice too let’s hope it continues you need to have your rest in between sessions. Take care anyway.
Valkyrie
Hi thought you’d left us it’s been quite a while waiting for your planning session hasn’t it did you have to have other treatment in between? I have finished my rads now it all went well except that i have one sunburnt looking boob and still can’t use the deodorants yet ubtil it has settled; I think that was the worst i was convinced i smelt! even though I was washing regularly and smothering myself in aqueous cream that is really essential if you don’t want to feel burnt. I’m still on the arimidex and Adcal it’s ok except I now have an appetite like a horse and my joints are still playing up but small price to pay. I have a follow up appt on 2nd Sept so no doubt they will tell me whether it has all been successful. Good luck with your treatment and keep in touch.
Bye all Kinden I hope you’re ok since we haven’t heard from you in a while.
Love Maggie
xx

65

Hi girls

I’m still here, just not had time to post as my parents have been over, and I’ve been feeling a bit lost.

Leesha - really pleased for you and your girls. It’s fabulous that they have something they enjoy and are really good at. My 4 year old has started riding and she loves it. I have a PICC line in which enters just above my elbow and follows the vein almost to my heart. This is becuase my veins are notoriously difficult to find and chemo can harm your veins anyway. Perhaps you could ask about this to avoid future problems? Hope it feels better soon anyway.

Maggie - so pleased for you that your rads are over without too much ill effects, and also that you already have your follow up appointment - I know that some of the girsl on here feel abandoned when treatment finishes.

Valkyrie - good luck with your rads at last. Let us know how you get on.

My husband is not being all that supportive at the moment. My parents came over last Tuesday for a week and he left me to do all the cleaning and preparation for them coming. He doesn’t get on brilliantly with them, so it is always stressful anyway. He’s a full time Dad, so it’s not as if he’s too busy!

I was disappointed that my parents didn’t have a proper conversation with me about me. They were much more interested in my girls, which is nice, but I tohught they were coming to see me! My Dad would normally offer to do odd jobs around the house, but he didn’t do that this time.

I have developed a slight chest infection, for which I have been on antibiotics since Sunday, and although my blood counts are fine the onc wouldn’t let me have my 3rd FEC yesterday. In a way I’m glad cos I feel crap already, but in another way I just want the chemo over with. However, it does impact on things that we had planned to do this summer, and albeit in a jokey way, OH is complaining about not being able to pursue his hobby because I won’t be up to it.

Also, my boss has written to me forbidding me from helping out at work, which I had been doing when I felt able, it helped me feel more like a person than a cancer patient.

Good news though - my critical illness policy has paid out!

Hope you’re all having better days than me!!

Kinden
x

66

Kinden - great to hear from you - was missing you - (hugs from me) Soz to hear things not been so good. What is it with OHs? I had to get really assy & upset last week (when arm really dragging me down) for him to do the washing up & some gardening FOR one day only - then cos Im more upbeat it all goes out the window!!! Have you tried a screaming match or just up & leaving for a while (hours not weeks!!!..get some you time…somehow…somewhere…) If your anywhere near glos feel free to visit!!!

I might just ask about the line cos it is nightmare getting into my veins - have to go into my hand every time…My arms better but still sore.

I have to say the horses are brill - i love being outside - it keeps the girls busy - and so far away from boys!.. Although I do believe my 15 year old has now a ‘love’ interest. Shes asked if she can go mountain boarding (?!) on saturday…doesnt want to come shopping with me & her sister…that cant be right can it? I believe a certain young man is going too…

Do you ride with your daughter? I hope she gets as much from it as mine do - my youngest started at 4

Whys your boss stopping you going in? is it a physical job? -
Hopefully the infection will get under control which will help you feel better…then 3rd FEC (mines next friday i hope) will that then be half way? mine will be

Keep in touch with us - always check to c if u ok when i log on…xxx

Leesha

67

Hi

Leesha thanks for your message. I honestly don’t know what we’d do without this site.

OH is being better today, more considerate, probably because he has hurt his thumb and is moaning about it, so I listed all the things that hurt/are wrong with me just now!

Do ask about the line. The PICC line I’ve got goes in under a local anaesthetic and it’s a bit bizarre being awake during a minor surgical procedure, with all the green gowns and sheets etc, but it didn’t hurt and is fab, except that I can’t get it wet so showering is a bit more difficult - at least I don’t have to wash my hair any more!!!

I’m a lawyer, in charge of a team of lawyers, so I need to be on tip top mental form to be able to work properly, which I why I’m probably not going to go back until after rads, whenever that is. I was only giving the team advice and answering their queries, but I can’t even do that anymore. It’s probably him ar** covering in case I sue cos the stress he’s put me under over the last year has caused this (which I don’t think it has, although it may be a contributory factor)!

Horses are a brill idea. My neighbour has a 14 1/2 year old who loves riding, and the idea was to keep her away from boys, but she has just discovered that her usually sensible trustworthy girl had been lying about where she’s been to meet up with an older boy!!!

Am feeling better today, thanks Leesha. Hope you’re doing well. Rest your arm - remember it’s not long since surgery as well and you’ll still be healing from that too.

lots of love

Kinden
x

68

Hi Kinden - agree 100% about the site - can see y being alawyer working is harder - im an accountant and on bad weeks I wouldnt trust a tax return done by me especially after 2pm!!! So tend to leave everything till my mental faculties have recovered a bit - it really is bizarre how the mind gets affected!!! AND irritating when i cant remember the correct word for something - or start an adult coversation - bit of debate then forget all lines of logic!!! That i hate - luckily my clients are very forgiving at the mo. It does take me longer to do accounts & retuirns than norm cos of double checking myself - and if the fog falls i give up!!!

I actually rode today for the first time since my op!!..A friend has a small cobby pony which her daughter doesnt ride - i really enjoyed it…had to borrow OH hat cos mine doesnt fit now i have no hair!!! And i did wear a bandana underneath just in case of chaffing!! CANT BELIEVE WHAT A RELEASE IT WAS… Feel so normal today… Hope everyone else has a good day

And OH took me out for lunch…hes been swapped again…hes after taking w week off work… so is keeping me sweet… I have persuaded him to take the week off after my next chemo (ulterior motive he can ferry girls around cos they are on hols) plus I think hes going to finished plastering out bathroom!!! only been a year…hes aplasterer and never finds time to do ours… Will keep you posted - i will crack open fizzy plonk if it gets finished this year!!!

bye for now - heres to a good weekend and plenty of positivity…

xxleesha

69

Hi Leesha

My brain is mashed. Everything takes a lot longer than it did, which I am finding hard to cope with. I’ve just read someone else’s thread about memory loss and this has filled me with fear for the future, but I do think that most of it will come back. I really admire you carrying on working through all this.

I did go into work today. One of my team has just qualified, and I went in to formally ‘introduce’ her to the Court, which my boss had permitted me to do. It was great to see everyone at Court, and feel like a person again. I wore my Court wig with nothing underneath and it was quite scratchy so I think I’ll have to wear a stocking as well if I have no hair when I go back to work.

I did find it quite difficult to know what to say when people asked how I am. I dont’ think I know myslef how I am. I mean, even the onc can’t tell me if I’ve still got cancer or not.

Good on you for riding again, you obviously love it.

I know exactly what you mean about the plastering - my Dad’s an electrician and as a kid I remember bits of wire sticking out of the walls!!!

Have a lovely weekend. My sister is doing the Race for Life tomorrow in my honour, so I’m hoping for good weather for her.

Maggie - where are you? Hope you’re enjoying life after rads.

Kinden
x

70

The memory thing is def hard - I sometimes cant remember the right word or put the sentance together - its frustrating!!! More so for you in your job - but i really do think it will improve when the treatment has finished and we are less stressed about whats happening. I do try to find the positive in everything as much as possible - Dont get me wrong i do wobble. As next friday gets closer so my wobble will bubble up through.
I agree about not knowing whether its all really gone or not…but I have to think the chemo & rads etc are belt & braces treatment - to make sure its dealt with and i must admit i dont think too far ahead bit by bit i can deal with that.

As for how i feel - when people ask it depends on who they are - the good friends & some family I’m honest - if i feel rubbish i say - they usually manage to make me laugh
But as for those who are less well known - I nod say im ok and try to move on quickly - when someone comes up tp me who I have no interest in discussing the cancer or treatment I am quite abrupt (not always) I just think I dont want to talk to you - I would ordinarily stand and have an intimate conversation with then so why start now just cos I got cancer… If they dont like if tough!

Hope the weather was ok for your sisters race - did you manage to get out and cheer her on?

I actually went out last night with OH and my parents for a meal…the meal was disappointing but getting out was nice… first time i’ve actually gone out properly (i mean to pub)with no hair (has scarf on) I was surprised how easy it was mind i did have to come home early cos i was ready for bed by 9pm…

Life will get better…you’ll have 3rd fec soon then will you be half way like me?

have a good day - hope the sun is shining…xxxxx

Leesha

71

Hi Leesha

It is weird going out in a scarf isn’t it? You think everyone’s looking at you and you feel self-conscious, but they’re not. I find it gets easier the more you do it. Probably cos now used to wearing something on my head full time when out of the house so don’t feel like it might fall off or something.

I do the same as you really re telling people.

I didn’t get to see my sister run yesterday. as she was doing it in London and I don’t even live in the UK. I did sponsor her though - least I could do, felt like I was doing something positive for my daughters as well. I’m letting her have a lie in (she has no kids) before I ring her to see how it went.

Am feeling much better now that chest infection seems to have lifted, so hoping to have my 3rd and last FEC tomorrow at 0930 (as the drugs expire at 10, having been made up for last Tuesday). After that I’ll have 3 taxotere. Is it the same for you?

It’s really sunny today, so I’m off to make the most of my last ‘good’ day for a while. Hope it’s sunny where you are too.

Kinden
x

72

Glad to hear the infection clearing - makes all the difference - I get 6 FEC - wonder if changing the drugs mix means you get different reactions?

Its good weather here - when sun shines its hot - but then the wind picks up a bit so its feels cold. But am told the weather is going to be good for awhile which will be nice - we’re hoping to cut hay this week - all 20 acres of it!!! But what a shame this year I cant help much - no heavy lifting!!! - ill just have to provide the sandwiches & cider!!! At least the kids are off school from Tuesday - no rushing to so the school runs for 6 weeks - i love the hols.

I’m bit tired today (done too much i expect ) so having lazy day tomorrow.

Hope your sisters run went well - I know what its like rining sisters and checking time zones - Mine lives in Vancouver - which has its good side - shes always at the end of the phone when im awake a 2am and need somone to chat to - down side no hugs.

I did feel self concious re the scarf - but it gets easier each day. In fact when running my oldest to work today I forgot to put anything on - past caring i think.

Im off to catch up on my sleep - have agood day all cheers for being here

Leesha

73

Hi Leesha

Just back from 3rd FEC - that’s half my chemo in me. Can feel my face reddening already, and of course my wee is red - I’ll kinda miss that (NOT!!).

Hope you manage to have fun with the hay making.

Haven’t heard back from my sister, although have left a message for her.

Plan to take it real easy this time so as hopefully not to feel as bad as last time. When you’re used to being busy and active, it’s hard though isn’t it?

It’s amazing how many different regimes of treament there are. I have 5 out of 7 nodes involved, but they’re not removing the rest, doing it by rads instead, and I have 3.1cm tumour with major DCIS and 2 smaller tumours within the WLE and they’re not suggesting a mastectomy. Bizzarre, sure they know what they’re doing!!

Hope you get a great rest mate.

Kinden
x

74

Hi Kinden

Thought you might you might it helpful to talk through your treatment and diagnosis with one of our trained helpline staff. The number is free 0808 800 6000, the helpline opening hours are 9 am to 5 pm Monday to Friday and 9 am to 2 pm Saturday. This is a confidential service and you might find it useful to clarify things in your own.

Best Wishes
AnnabelG
Facilitator

75

Celebrate - half way through!!! Taking it easy is def the hard bit - I hate being inactive - hate asking others to do thingd for me (except the shopping!!!) I reckon you def have to try to chill & rest at least for the first 2 days - I didnt last time and had a c***p week. So i am going to try to do nothing this weekend.

Sun is shining well today - good day…

It is strange how diff everyones treatment is I agree - But as you say they know what they are doing.

I had no lymph nodes involved - but had 5.5 cm tumour with grade 3 cancer and widespread DCIS - and ended up having mast plus chemo plus rads (belt & braces im told - im young enough to take it!!!)

Did i say i would have a lazy day? - well that didnt happen so still tired tonight…what was that about taking it easy?
I ended up all day at a clients - setting up the new payroll system and training them to use it.
So will have quiet morning tomorrow - going to take puppy to a nice picnic spot in our woods and meet a friend for lunch - she has a labrador puppy too do they will tire each other out.

Take care - bye for now xx Leesha

76

Hi Leeshad

I took the advice above and rang the helpline, and the nice lady put my mind at rest as to the differing approaches to treatment. She agreed that chemo + rads will do for the lymph nodes as well as total clearance. It’s just that I would have liked to have known exactly how many lymph nodes were involved having read on here that if it’s more than 10 the prognosis is much worse than if less than 10, and I would have felt really reassured to have had them all out and know that it was only 5 affected, and better able to plan for the future if over 10.

The taking it easy is not going so well!! However, I do feel much better than day 2 last time, so maybe I just needed that extra week off, and the change to my drugs regime.

Was really tired last night, much more than previously. Possibly partly because my youngest has not been sleeping at all well lately and on Sunday night I was up with her most of the night.

Still not too impressed with OH. In order that he could pursue his hobby, I had to get a taxi back from the hospital after the FEC yesterday and look after the kids all day today. They’re watching Peppa Pig now but I don’t like them to watch telly too much. And he’s taken all the milk with him, so I have to go out to the shop with both of them to get some in the rain. Moan moan.

Hope you’re having a lovely picnic.

Kinden
x

77

Cant believe your OH - what is his hobby? Men hey - Mines disappeared today - supposed to be working - but hasnt taken the invoice with him…mobile switched off or in bad signal area!!! - shant bother cooking any tea for him!!! It does make you wonder why we put up with them…well it does me…

Lunch went well - had a lovely coffee & sandwich with my friend…the puppy had a great time running around in the sun …In fact hes so tired now he cant be bothered to move… and is fast asleep on my daughters lap…mind hes getting too big for it now.

Sometimes telly is a necessary evil…whatever gets you through the day with least hassle & most relaxation.

Got to go to docs tomorrow for blood test…the hope that its ok…then friday can go to the mobile chemo unit…no waiting around - i will be so disappointed if i have to go to cheltenham hospital again…cant stand the lengthy waits - get s you down more than the treatment…

Moaning is always allowed on here…itll be my turn next week.

bye for now xx

Maggie - hope you’re ok not heard from you for a while.

Leesha

78

I do sometimes wonder why I put up with him. I expect he feels the same way sometimes too, although of course I think he has no reason to!!

Actually I’ve surprised myself by what a good day I’ve had, given that I only had the FEC yesterday. I feel tired now, but only slightly nauseous which is a massive improvement compared to last time.

Good luck with the bloods tomorrow - do ask about a PICC line, or Hickman line, it makes life so much easier for bloods and treatment. Hope you get to go to the mobile unit. I can’t believe how late you’ve had some of your chemo- my unit closes at 5pm!

Yeh, where are you Maggie, hopefully off enjoying life to the full.

TTFN

Kinden
x

79

My turn to moan - OH came home at 11pm last night!!! Didnt go to the client he was suppoosed to so didnt take the invoice - which means no cheque!! which means unless he pickes it up to day it wont be in bank and cleared ready for bills to go out next week!! So he suggest I do more work this week as I wont feel up to it next week!!! o i let rip I have to say - mind you im up and hes still in bed!!! What can i do!!! Hes supposed to be taking week off next week to do the Then he tells me hes off to a show (vintage lorries & tractors - not my cup of tea) on Friday (the day Ive got chemo - ) I do wonder where his head is. When I asked what about the kids apparently I’d said it would be ok for him to go - that was when i thought he was going for the day on the saturday - Men.

Anyway thats my rant - now to turf him out of bed - Hes worried about something health wise but has ignored it for weeks apparently - so I have to make him appoint at docs - why couldnt he do it himself? Thats it rant def over

Had a lovely day yesterday - looks like its going to be hot today - so a quiet one again - drop girls at the yard to ride all day - pick them up later on - then im supposed to be going to the cinema with friends to see ‘Mamma Mia’ not my usual sort of film but its getting out - and is supposed to b a laugh - we’ll see

Have a good day again

Leesha

80

Hi Leesha

Didn’t post yesterday as felt sick + tired + head spinning and it was all I could do to walk my daughter to pre-school and back. And I read Paula43’s urgent post and felt so much for her. We really never know what’s around the corner.

Hope your blood test went well yesterday, and you can have the chemo on Friday, if you’ve sorted out OH by then to look after kids (and you).

My OH has got both girls up and dressed this morning, so that’s something!

Will you have to go with your OH to the Drs?

Really am going to try to have a lazy day today. Hope you have a great ‘good’ day

Kinden
x