Hello Just plucking up courage to post. I was diagnosed with HER+ breast cancer just before Christmas and had a wide local excision and sentinel node biopsy. Results show nodes clear but one margin still has some early cells so more surgery early Feb. I’m normally a coper but the practicalities of getting through this are freaking me. I’ve been carer for my husband with Parkinson’s disease for many years, he died end August and Im still dealing with all the practicalities of that plus although Im supposed to be retired Ive had to take on running a small business he could no longer manage. I’m already exhausted and now this cancer.
Its regularly taking me 1 hr each way drive to get to the hospital for appointments so goodness knows how I keep that going when I get to chemo. Radiotherapy is going to be even further away, rotten drive loads of road works and diversions. Public transport hopeless. As a problem solver who has dealt with all sorts, usually takes stuff one day at a time but this feels impossible. Its all down to me. What happens if I miss half my sessions because Im stuck in traffic or can’t bully myself into driving. Anyone else been here?
Hi Carrie
You sound remarkable and should accept some credit for all the extra strain you’ve had on top of dealing with this awful disease.
I had to travel for radiotherapy and I did ask about delays getting there. They said to phone if I could, but otherwise get there when I can and they would fit me in, but not to miss the treatment altogether. Thankfully it was ok, but I’m sure if you speak to them they will help with a contingency plan.
Also, if you want a break from driving some hospitals offer free transport. My local hospital was the pickup point, and they had minibuses back and to during the day. Worth asking.
Hope you manage to find a practical solution to lighten your load. Best wishes x
Thank you so much for that.
It must feel like you have a lot in your plate at the moment.
Have you been told what the next steps are after the second lot of surgery? I was diagnosed as HER+ back in 2023. After surgery I had four doses of chemo, once every three weeks, alongside an injection of Herceptin. I was able to get a lift from family or friends each time. I found people were very keen to help, and liked something definite to do, though I understand how hard it can be to accept offers of help if you have always been the one to manage.
As @sal1 says please ask at the hospital about transport options. As well as public transport they may know of volunteer run services for example. I know that this is available at my hospital as appointment letters mention being able to re-arrange appointment times if needed.
Wishing you all the best going forward.
I would enquire about getting hospital transport for your appointments. My hospital provided transport to a hospital for all my radiotherapy appointments.
Really appreciate your ideas. I will ask if there’s any support on transport although nothing was said when I expressed concern about getting to radiotherapy . I did wonder whether to ask whether I could do that part anywhere else as I am close to the border of 2 health regions. If the next surgery proves clear I go on to chemo ( don’t know detail) and herceptin. Family don’t live locally and I haven’t actually lived here that long and have been a carer for so long I haven’t had chance to get to know people locally. As carer I had to pick up so many errors and omissions in my husband’s care that I think I’ve little confidence in the system. I really found it helpful just to let off steam here, I’ll just take it one section st a time. Thanks folks. C
I sympathise so much with the practicalities worries. It’s an 150 mile round trip for me to attend radiotherapy and I need 20 sessions. I don’t have anyone around who is able to take me so will be doing the drives myself - like you, I have a lot of what ifs that I’d prefer to have answers to!
As others have said, it is definitely worth asking about transport. I live quite rurally and have decided it won’t work for me as you get a 2 hour window to be collected and I can’t bear the thought of waiting around the hospital for up to 2 hours each day. In my region the transport is also shared, so there would be a few drop offs before me, making the day even longer. I suspect other areas may have a better system!
I wish you the very best for your surgery in Feb and hope all goes well for future treatments 
Sharlou - thank you - all the best to you too. Hopefully at least we might be nearer to more daylight and better weather for our driving!
Hi Carrie
A big hug for you. So much to deal with. I hope your surgery in February goes as smooth as can be and wish you a speedy recovery.
As suggested by other people please do investigate hospital transport, and also volunteer led transport options as exist in some areas.
With some chemo it is not advised to drive yourself home as the chemo may make you very drowsy, so it’s worth checking with your nurse specialist about this.
Warmest xx
You’ve all got me thinking, rather more productively too!
I’m going to get on with next surgery on 5th Feb, see what they find and if they can then give me more of a plan on what happens when.
Then potentially I’m going to ask if they could transfer me over the border to the South. Nearest hospital then is half the distance, a much better drive and in a direction where more family and friends could access a bit more easily if I run into difficulties if I didn’t feel I should drive. Worst case then an occasional taxi on a bad day would be much less expensive! You’re all brilliant!
Hi Carrie, Firstly, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. It sounds like last year was the worst ever. It’s hard enough ‘just’ dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Are you able to lean on friends or relatives for help and support? Maybe have a rota for taking you to the hospital? I had exactly the same diagnosis as you, including 2 surgeries (and they still didn’t get clear margins on second surgery so had an extra 5 days radiotherapy as a tumour bed boost). Your chemo will be Paclitaxel and you aren’t allowed to drive afterwards as it contains alcohol so you will need to sort out your travel home anyway. You will feel wiped out. Regarding your small business… you don’t say what it is but could you take a break from this? Whilst it’s good to have another focus, it sounds like you really need to concentrate on your own self-care regarding your treatment. Are you also having herceptin injections? Feel free to DM me if you would like to regarding treatment. It’s doable compared to some other chemos… I kept all my head hair through cold capping and that was a huge bonus. All the best going forward. xxx
Hello Sarah
Thank you for your kind thoughts, I hope things are going ok with you.
Beyond the next surgery on 5th Feb I don’t have the next bit of the plan. I guess everyone finds these waiting gaps hard. I was very close to choosing the mastectomy option . They were saying 80% of second clearances were ok but I have a feeling I’ll hit the 20% group but I’ll go with it for now.
Herception has been mentioned. Why free alcohol when you can’t enjoy it!!
I haven’t really got further on the transport. I think I’ll be pushing for the transfer to nearer, more accessible hospital. I might be spending time in the car park with a book after if there are driving limitations!
I had a hip replacement nearly 4 months ago. It’s been brilliant but I still have limitations on how far I can walk or sit in one driving position. My aim while waiting is to keep working on getting back the fitness I lost while hobbling around with a dodgy hip. I’m also trying to get the Probate stuff sorted for my husband. I miss him every day but I’m sort of glad not to inflict this on him.
Sanity is my 2 dogs, they’ve got me through so much and in fact one is now working as a Pets As Therapy dog which was an accidental discovery through spending such a lot of time in my husband’s care home. This afternoon we’re off back to dog agility - we’ll be slow, but I won’t be able to focus on anything else for that hour and that’s good.
The business is a small property rental. Not an easy one to wind down quickly and although I could delegate to a letting agent I don’t find they always do a thorough job and at the end of the day I’m legally responsible. It’s not what I did work wise before, but it helped towards care home fees. I’ve gradually got up to speed on the legal stuff and have good relationships with my tenants including a refugee family so the thought of having to evict 3 families in order to sell up is something I’d hate.
I think I need not to overthink! One bit at a time.
Thank you very much. It really helps to know there are others pout there who ‘get it’
C
I can understand your worries. I also had a long journey to various hospitals and inevitably, no parking places!
I decided to go an hour or more early for appointments so I could park a little way away and walk or use park and ride and then find the cafe, enjoy a cuppa and calm down before my appointment.
There are many places which have volunteers who will take you to hospital for a donation . Sometimes hard to find these options and often the hospital do not help by telling you . If you go onto internet with words like hospital lifts near me you may find something which helps. There are organisations you could try to ask if they know of any help for example Lions Club , Citizens Advice in your area which may have leaflets. Failing that you may be surprised who is willing to help, people seem to be willing to help with lifts if they know of your predicament. I have had neighbours and people I hardly know offering lifts to the hospital
I know it can be be difficult sometimes to ask if you are an independent person but if you can get an occasional lift then this will help .
I will do some googling, thank you. C