Pressure and fertility

Both myself and my husband had cancer, and I feel pressurised to have children. I am 39 years old and had cancer at 35 years old. I feel grief and loss that I didn’t have children when I thought I would, and have taken 3 and half years to wait to see the oncologist. The oncologist recommended that I wait for 5 years that means I would be 40 because of the statistics of cancer. I have lost confidence and don’t go out much as I can’t due to work and always feel its difficult when to talk about cancer or not with people. In addition I do feel fatigue when I push myself and feel uncertain about coping with a baby as I don’t have much close support. My parents are close, but would interfer if that makes sense? I feel pressured to have children, not to wait due to biological reasons. I went to see the GP on a unrelated topic and she kept on at me to have a child, and not to put it off and that it would give me meaning. Why is it just for women to have a child and that would give her identity? I don’t just want a child to give me meaning. I felt so pressured by the GP after the appointment. Its crazy! x

Hi Tinday, I have replied to your other post before reading this one.


i can only assume your gp has not had cancer otherwise she would not have responded that way! I had breast cancer 3 years ago and still feel fatigue sometimes when I have a full on week.  


Is your relationship with your parents/family good enough that you could explain how the pressure is making you feel? My family are all 150 miles away and they certainly didn’t understand what I was going through to the point where my middle sister never came to see me and my parents only came twice ??


i found that the macmillan office in my local hospital were very helpful and they can arrange for you to talk to someone even if it’s just to offload your feelings specially as you and your husband are struggling also.


Speak to the care line here to see if they can tie you up,with a ‘someone like me buddy’ 


please don’t be afraid to reach out and you can always share your worries with all of us here xxxxx