I had IDC 2024. My Mum is 81 and was diagnosed with IDC in August 2025. She is determined to have all the treatments and is taking anastrazole and is due to have radiation x5 next week, oncologist tried to put her off. I live hundreds of miles away and i am going to support her for the week but can’t stay longer. In November my dad had a brain injury from a fall and needs her care. Her whole life revolves around him. She puts herself second all the time. It makes me mad.
But having had radiation myself and knowing the side effects I cannot see how she will cope.
I’m worried but also think she is mad going through all the treatments at her age. I feel like the radiotherapy is my longest lasting reminder that I had breast cancer. She was generally fit but is shattered now caring for my dad and the anastrazole is making her very weepy.
I know it is her choice and I respect it and support where i can but it feels bonkers to me. Looking after my dad will take her faster than a recurrence will!
Anyone being this age and had treatment or know someone who has?
Of course you’re worried for your mother. As she’s having 5 doses of radiotherapy, hopefully her response might not be too uncomfortable? Is there any help (district nurse type of care-not sure if that even exists now) locally to help her and your dad post radiotherapy? Even just getting their shopping delivered could help. Sorry if I’m not being much use here, just trying to think around it.
I was diagnosed triple postive at 36 and had every treatment going. Umpteen years later my Mum was diagnosed with the same at 80. It was her choice to have chemo, phesgo, 15 x radiotherapy (over 3 weeks) and anastrole, bisphosphonates (6 doses over 3 years) after a mastectomy. She too looks after my Dad. I was very concerned as I really thought it was too much given her age. She coped really well and is surprisingly well now at nearly 85 ! It was her choice and I had to respect that. I attended every appointment with her and it felt like I was doing it all again, it was hard. I think they are more resilient than we think. I hope all goes well for your Mum.
Maybe you could suggest to her that she contact her team and have them go through the predicted benefits of these treatments . Hormone therapy it seems to me is more about preventing recurrence in the longer term and for an 81 year old it does make me wonder …. Having said that with your Dad having cancer your Mum may actually be terrified of a recurrence .Also are your parents known to social services - perhaps whilst your Mum is undergoing radiotherapy and recovering from it there could be some care provision for your Dad ? I had fatigue for nearly 3 months after radiotherapy - for the first couple of weeks I did very little but after that I was trying to do what I had been doing before which was support my very elderly Dad who was himself unwell and I’m sure it prolonged the fatigue . Even then I would have radiotherapy again but I did stop hormone treatment due to a very low predicted benefit and very unpleasant and wide ranging side effects. I gave it up quite suddenly and without sufficient consideration but then spent a lot of time considering whether to restart and it took quite a few months and a couple of appointments before I decided that my original decision was the right one for me ( time will tell ) even though I had made it for the wrong reasons.
This is a very difficult one for you because everything might go well with your Mum’s radiotherapy and it might not and you are a long way away . Somewhere along the line some difficult choices may have to be made as it already sounds like a difficult and possibly in the long term unsustainable situation so be prepared to support them in the making of those decisions . But they will have to come to those decisions themselves. Many of us have been through this with our elderly parents or other relatives - I don’t envy you right now. Xx
I’ve recently just finished treatment for bc I had chemo surgery radiotherapy I was 31 at the time, my granny was 81 when she was diagnosed and had surgery then 5 days of radiotherapy and she was fine
I just realised that I read something incorrectly - for some reason I thought you said your Dad had brain cancer but it’s a brain injury from a fall not that that is necessarily any easier for him or your Mum or you but it did influence my reply - sorry and sending love to you all xx
My Mum was diagnosed with estrogen + breast cancer at 82 and was put on letrozole for 5 yrs and had 5 sessions of radiotherapy. Rather than have it daily over a week (she needed hospital transport as 60 miles each way, so 120 round trip) she opted for 2 sessions each week, over 3 weeks. She felt tired initially but she has recovered. She rested after each session and did feel fatigue but it didn’t last too long. She suffers with arthritis which impacts more on her daily life than the breast cancer. She had a clear mammogram after her first year.
Ironically I have also been diagnosed with exactly the same type of breast cancer this October at age 60 from a routine mammogram and have had a lumpectomy and am awaiting radiotherapy 5 sessions in February, having an assessment for it on 20 Jan.
I encouraged my Mum to take all that was offered to her, she reduced the calcium tablets as her dose was too high, and found switching brands of letrozole helped.
Sending your Mum best wishes for a good recovery. Make sure she uses E45 cream or Aveena or something they recommend after each session.
Hi everyone who responded. My Mum is amazing! She has done really well and had little snoozes in the afternoon but isn’t totally knocked out by it. We have cooked and stocked the freezer to give her less to do over coming weeks.
