Although phrased like that, this is not so much a question, as a baring of the soul with a question attached.
Has having breast cancer made a difference to how you react to others with cancer diagnoses?
Since my own diagnosis, I’ve had two friends diagnosed with breast cancer. I thought the first hit me hard, but I was able to listen to her and she’s said publicly that this was a great help. The other friend’s diagnosis is more serious than mine and she’s having a much worse time than I did, and although I’m supporting her, I feel guilty that I’m ‘getting better’ whereas she’s struggling.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of my confirmed diagnosis, with a “we’re 98% certain” probable diagnosis coming three weeks earlier.
This year, the day after the first anniversary of my probable diagnosis, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Different part of the body, and it has already spread. I’m obviously upset, as any wife would be, and I know that all the anniversary stuff has really got to me. I will do my all for him, as I feel any wife would do. However, I’m feeling really guilty about my recovery - as life-changing as it has been, it feels like the proverbial walk in the park compared to him, as his cancer has been classed as “not curable but treatable to improve quality of life”.
I know I’ve got multiple stressors going on, which I will learn how to deal with, but have others found that their diagnosis has changed how they react to other people’s diagnoses?
Hello @mary4
Your post has certainly got me thinking, before my own diagnosis I hadn’t been close to anyone being diagnosed and having gone through treatment for cancer.
I am now four years post diagnosis and on reflection I actually think my cancer diagnosis, talking to people who have also been through the breast cancer and getting a phone call from an old friend last year to tell me she had been diagnosed, has done more to shape my reaction to everybody and life generally rather than just those that have received a cancer diagnosis
I think the reason for this is I learned that your diagnosis, tumour size, treatment plan does not directly correlate to how it impacts you. If you have a look back through the forums you will find lots of discussions on this topic and when I first joined the forums there was a lovely lady who had been diagnosed with some really nasty secondaries, and yet she used to post some of the kindest lovely advice to forum users.
I had a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy and was back in work after six months. During my treatment I met with a lady who told me about her treatment, surgery issues, chemo issues (nothing like my treatment), but when she said “but you’ve still had cancer of course you’ve had to deal with the same things I did whilst your treatment plan is different to others you still did what you had to do.”
I find myself chatting to all sorts of people these days, quite often they tell me that they too have had treatment for cancer, sometimes their stories involve really horrible treatment experiences, BUT it always ends the same “I’m still here” which ultimately is the only thing that counts.
I am sorry to hear your husband has now been diagnosed with cancer which is not curable, this must be very hard for you both given your own cancer experience. Always remember that the cancer support services such as MacMillan Maggie’s and BCN are always there for anyone who is impacted by cancer whether it’s you or someone close to you and whether you are in active treatment or not
Lots of love
AM xxx
Hi, I am sorry about your husband’s diagnosis but I am sure he is pleased that you are recovering so well from your breast cancer. I was diagnosed with a high risk breast cancer 2 1/2 years ago and I have felt very unwell at times whilst going through treatments and have so appreciated having my husband who has cared for me during these times.
Like yourself I have had friends who have been diagnosed with cancer and having had cancer I feel does give you a unique understanding of the emotional turmoil you are thrown into at diagnosis and how adverts on tv about cancer or funerals can suddenly cause emotional distress. Cancer has changed my perspective on life. I appreciate the small things, which are often the most important thing in life.
Thank you for a lovely thoughtful reply @adoptedmanc It meant a lot.
I must look up Maggies again. Rightly or wrongly, I have the impression that they’re physical centres and, if that’s the case, there isn’t one anywhere near us.
Thank you again for your reply
Thank you for your reply @shade
I agree that having a diagnosis yourself certainly does change your response to other mentions of cancer.
I’ve also noticed in recent days just how much it and subsequent affects internet algorithms - one of my social media feeds is now so full of things about different cancers there’s no escaping it even when I’m just mindlessly scrolling…
Thank you again for your reply
Hi, I just wanted to mention Penny Brohn UK - https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/services/
Similar I believe to Maggie’s. Based in Bristol: the most amazing, wonderful place. Like a sanctuary of care and understanding. You can go and stay there, take one of their courses, together with a supporter if you like. They also provide lots of online support, consultations, relaxation and exercise sessions: all sorts. Have a look at the full list of services x
Thank you @kookie20121 I shall follow that link. Bristol is nowhere near me but this sounds like a useful resource anyway. Thank you so much