This is my first sleepless night since diagnosis which is strange as I’ve had much bigger things to worry about recently but something happened today and it seems to have been the straw thats broken the camels back and really annoyed and upset me! I KNOW people dont mean it in a bad way and I am waaaay too British to bring it up IRL so I’d just like a little rant on here if thats OK?!
Please can you stop acting weird. Please can you stop asking me hows things. Please can you stop telling me about other peoples “fight”. Please can you not stroke my hand like I’m dying and please can you stop telling me I need to drink bone broth!
These are the EXACT reasons I’ve chose not to tell anybody I’ve only told 3 close family members and even said to them all please treat me as you normally would I don’t feel ill so I don’t need to be treated like I’m ill!!
Let’s see if I can get through chemo without anybody realising
Rant away though as I’m sure lots of ladies will be along to tell you they’ve heard all of this and more!!! Lots of love xx
Rant away this is what the forum is for. And one tip i was given if you do have any issues of treatment goin forward, check back on similar articles 3 to 6 months prior to your treatment starting, and you may find the answers, plus others who have ‘stood at the top of a hill to scream’ because of the platitudes received.
For one you are not dying, I’m 4 years the other side of treatment and my sister is 11 years in remission. Love and light Moonsox xxx
Yes definitely rant away! I finished treatment in October. Now according to (apart from daughter) family and friends its like it never happened. They think its great Im cracking on with life! I am actuallystruggling with various side effects of treatment but am trying my best to get back to totally “normal” bar the obvious visible one up, one down odd breasts! Xx
Just acknowledge there are a lot of idiots out there and your cancer diagnosis apparently gives them the right to show you their stupidity. It does not, but there’s not a lot you can do about it as swinging axes a la Vikings is frowned upon in polite society nowadays.
It’s a feature of cancer I’m afraid. When you or family haven’t got it you don’t want to know about it. When you have it, everyone has an opinion. I understand it’s similar to being pregnant and strangers wanting to stroke your belly. I had a head of HR at work who thought cancer was contagious. It kept her away from my desk so win win! When I returned to work a colleague asked me if I was going to dye my hair as “white hair makes you look old”. I laughed it off and said I was still radioactive so hair dye wouldn’t take. Not being someone who will ever win a Nobel Prize she believed me. I felt I was surrounded by “Cretins are us”. However, in the majority, friends have been great, they have supported me whilst saying they don’t know what to do and are happy to have me tell them in that moment. Just keep smiling, laughing and practicing your arm swing!
Oh yes, I’m with you all the way. I hate the sympathetic looks, the ‘how do you feel’ questions. One of my so called friends, saw me in town yesterday, turned on her heel and walked away. Great.
I’m part of a small group who meet weekly. Two have had breast cancer. Their reactions surprised me. One insisted she show her scars and tattooed nipple. The other said, ‘well that’s you done for’ and told me - and the whole group - about what she went through. Almost like she enjoyed watching my reaction. I can’t believe someone who has been on this journey herself would be so vindictive.
That’s my rant done. To be fair, most people have been great.
Rant away.
I just told my immediate family and said I didn’t want to discuss it. My husband likes to google everything and be fully informed, and it does my head in. He does it for his own issues, and I didn’t want him to start discussing my issues, based on his googling.
The word got out round the village but most people were very discreet.
One thing that was weird was people who felt the need to tell me about all the disasters of their friends and family (like having half a lung removed, or heart attack), and I’m not sure how that can be useful!
All the best, hang in there girl. You can do it, despite other people.
You have my every sympathy! I feared that I would have the reaction of , “cancer!” When I was diagnosed. It was very early stage. I wrote a letter to family and friends explaining that it was caught early, I would be too tired to have visitors, that I was fussy about what food I fancied, so no food deliveries and that I would set up a WhatsApp group so that anyone who wanted to know progress could join and avoid my partner having to tell several people the same thing, BUT, I still got “how ARE you” with the head tilted to one side. I recognise that people don’t know what to say and how to say it and they really do mean to be kind and interested but it can get tedious. I had to recognise that people just want to make things better and show they care. I had to stop myself from jumping down people’s throats when my darling dog died and almost everyone immediately said, “will you get another one?” The trouble is it makes you want to avoid meeting people but that is not a good thing, we just have to grit our teeth and smile with as many smiley muscles that we can excercise ! It’s great that we can rant on here, isn’t it!
It is great that we can rant on here! And thank you all for your solidarity funnily enough I got talking with another lady the other day as we were both waiting for our appointments and the first thing she said was “have you found it weird how people react?” I happily passed on all your advice!
I’ve been thinking on it and you’re all right. I think it’s just important I remember that 9 times out of 10 it’s coming from a place of love and that peoples feelings of helpfulness/helplessness can sometimes manifest in many strange ways
I’m going to stick those smiling exercises into my post op routine!
I totally get this . Why do people feel it’s good to tell you about their friends and family who have had it, then what can you say except’how are they now? Oh they are dead now ! I don’t care…
It’s a funny thing because the people who you think are going to be great are not the ones that do support you . Complete strangers are the best.
one last rant why does my husband think it’s ok to tell everyone what is happening with me now , every little detail….
so glad we can talk on here xx
I’ve only told 3 close family members and even said to them all please treat me as you normally would I don’t feel ill so I don’t need to be treated like I’m ill!!
funnily enough I got talking with another lady the other day as we were both waiting for our appointments and the first thing she said was “have you found it weird how people react?” 
I happily passed on all your advice!