Really struggling

Hi there I am new to this, I am 48 and was diagnosed in September with IDC tumour 24mm, grade 2,4/14 nodes ER+. I had x3 rounds of FEC after which I got pneumonia and was hospitalised for a week- my onc took the decision- no more chemo (although the tumour had shrunk by 50%)I then had a central incision and axillary node clearance. I am due to start 4 weeks radio in a couple of weeks and I’m currently taking tamoxifen (for 10 years).so far I’ve found the physical part of cancer and treatment to be manageable (apart from the pneumonia that was a bit scary!) but I am a complete mental train wreck at the moment. I’m locked into the view that because of the size of my tumour and lymph node involvement that I don’t have a very good outlook- and if I do manage to survive 5 years + that will be with recurrence (or secondaries) and that is inevitable. I Have 2 young children and all I want is to see them grow up. Just wondering if there is anybody out there who has had a similar Dx as me and whether there are any survivor stories. Also how people cope with the mental torture of cancer- it feels all consuming and like waiting on death row. All is see are my children at my funeral…thanks x

Hiya, I’m sorry you are struggling so much at the minute and I think a lot of us will agree this is so much harder emotionally than it is physically at times. It’s natural to feel like you do and of course no one can give you a 100% guarantee but the reality is most of us will go on to be ok well beyond 5 years and as the years click by you do begin to settle and the fear of what may happen gets less and less.

I was diagnosed at 46 and am coming up to my third anniversary next month , I’ve seen my son get married and welcomed my first grandchild, life goes on and things do get better I promise you! Xx 

Thanks so much Jobey68, really appreciate your reply. This cancer thing is hard x