Recently diagnosed with grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. Stage 1 as only 15mm, no indciation as yet lymph nodes affected. E and P negative, awaiting results re HER-2. Booked in for lumpectomy 3rd Sept, then think will be chemo then radio.
Horrible timing as partner was diagnosed with Grade 3 bladder cancer just in May this year, and so far his treatment process has been horrible , painful, traumatic, with complications and delays and he’s struggling physically and emotionally. I was coming terms with my role supporting/caring for him, and now this!
All feels too much, and I dont know if I am strong enough. Also terrified of coming off HRT (gradually reducing now)
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Welcome to the forum @nib32 . I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time . It’s hard enough dealing with cancer yourself but to have a partner going through it too must be so stressful . I have a friend going through treatment for bladder cancer and I know it’s really unpleasant . I hope your experience of breast cancer treatment will be more positive . There’s lots of advice and support here for you when you need it . Best wishes Jill
Nib32 this period will feel the most traumatic and uncertain but things will start to feel better, once you have a treatment plan.
Did you ask your doctor whether you needed to come off HRT or not? I am asking as your cancer isn’t estrogen or progesterone fed, so you might be able to stay on them. Would get some medical advice on that.
Wishing you well and things will start to feel more manageable when you get a plan xxx.
Hi, you might be in the unusual situation where if it comes back as her 2, that could be a better sign, as tripple negative can be harder to treat. The cards will fall where they do though. Whatever the result, its good you caught it while unde 2cm, thats a big plus. The good thing about having a cancer that is so common, is that there are established pathways and infrastructure in place to deal with it that will hopefully make it a smoother ride than your infortunate partner has had.
Youve got this, and if you feel like crumbling, dont hesitate to vent on here. Its a great support.
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Sorry to hear of your woes made worse by your partner’s ill health. A double whammy totally unfair. I fear cancer is a very frightening condition and I felt I had gone through a door into another world after my diagnosis. Not helped by being left for ages so all the other patients had left before I was told.
I got the distinct feeling of being a leper! That’s why chatting to us survivors may help. I have had breast cancer twice in 2003 and 2022 and although I loathe operations I have now survived quite a few. Now at age 70 I have decided I might as well enjoy bad health as much as I can. I do loads of exercise, lug compost bags around the garden and fall down steps at the recycling centre.
Cancer is not going to get me but maybe a broken skull will.
Seagulls
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Thank you, Jill. I’m glad to have found this place and lovely people.
thanks Bearhugs. they say I do have to come off depsite teh negative. Can’t quite understand why, but that seems to be the guidelines they have to follow. I may fight to at least keep the vaginal pessaries…
thanks ent, glad to have found this place and lovely people
hi Seagulls, i know what you mean about having "
gone through a door into another world". My partner tried to explain this to me when he was diagnosed, and now I REALLY understand. Thanks for your reply and be careful at that recycling centre!!
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Hi. I’m so sorry you are here but you are very welcome, this place is full of support.i read the above and thought I’d reply as I too helped my husband through both bowel cancer (during Covid) and then last winter prostate cancer. So, I really get where you are coming from. I actually found my breast lump while my hb was having the last zaps of radiotherapy. I sat on it until we a break and then went to the gp… Kinda feels like someone up there hates you, doesn’t it? …
But, in truth, there are just so many of us going through this same journey. Cancer doesn’t differentiate… your cells are your cells.
I remember my BCN saying to me, ‘it’s nothing you’ve done. We are all born with cells that have the potential to go rogue. The important question is how quick you get it dealt with’ And it sounds like you are getting help quickly. That’s a good thing.
Knowing exactly what type of critter you have is a huge step forward and then you get your surgery and just follow the path. We are all on it, one way or another.
If you are HER2 positive, you will very likely have a short stint of chemo then they will treat it with a specific adjuvant medication that is very effective. The hormone status (or not) will dictate your treatment. Mine is double positive invasive ductal. Caught just before it travelled- it was on its way though so I’m glad I went when I did.
One of my nurses had HER2 and had lots of lymph node involvement. She had most nodes removed and mastectomy. But, 5 years on, she’s cancer free & working with other breast cancer ladies like us.
Try not to panic (easier said, I know). You have been through so much already and this is another battle for you. But the stats for the vast majority of us are very good if it’s caught early enough.
My hb is incredibly supportive but he worries so much that I find it difficult to fall apart around him, & sometimes you just have to. It’s a lot to deal with. But you will.
Concentrate on getting your surgery first. The rest will follow. You’ll have time to recover before you move on to other treatments. Try and get as much rest as you can and accept help when offered.
Don’t scare the b’jeezus out of yourself by googling st 3am!! We all do it, but it doesn’t help. It’s just too much information and you’ll end up overthinking everything. This site is full of good information though and make use of your BCN. They aren’t just for dressing changes etc. they are fantastic. So supportive.
Coming off HRT is scary. Mine is just starting to bite (2 months off of it) and I had a bad time before I went on it.
My cancer is ER8 PR8, so it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to take it ever again. That said, we are all different. And there are instances when it is possible, you have to weigh up quality of life too.
I’m facing having to take AI meds that strip estrogen out of us and I’m struggling to get my head around that. I worry about the long term implications. But I’ll talk it through with the oncologist in due course. Just remember- it’s patient choice. And there is a lot of help for us with alternative s. I’m not sure with hormone negative what the protocol is but always ask your questions- it’s your body, your future.
Self advocate. The menopause society has lots of info re help for breast cancer babes. There’s loads of research that still needs to be done but it’s getting better…
Let the white coat boffins do their thing and be kind to yourself.
Sending hugs 
Thank you so much misswoof for taking the time to reply. Wow, you really do understand, and my heart goes to you and your husband too for all that you’re going both through. Really great advice too. My partner read it too and was also touched and liked that you reminded me that it’s ok to fall apart in front of him! Like you, I keep thinking I have to be strong for him, and I think he does the same for me. And I will just try to keep taking one day at a time. Not googling is great advice. I kept telling him not to do it, and now I find myself doing it myself! I hate that you felt you had to keep quiet about lump until his treatment was done, but glad that it wasn’t too long and you did then get things looked at quickly. I felt same when I felt mine, just didn’t want to give him more bad news, but realised it was wrong to wait. So glad I felt the lump myself, as my previous mammogram was only a year ago , so it would have been much longer if I hadn’t checked myself.
Returning hugs!!
Amen to that. I very nearly kept thinking it away (head in the ground- too much else going on, this can’t be happening) and, if I had, I would have been, very likely, facing a tougher journey to get out the other side.
It sounds like you’ve got a great hb. He’s had a tough time too, but he actually knows very well what you’re going through, so let him in. My hb said it was easier being the patient than the concerned spouse! I think he’s got a point! Particularly as a man- they all want to make it better and there’s not a lot of control with cancer… you get swept up and pushed from pillar to post. It can be hard to find your voice sometimes- and all the prodding & poking is just no fun for anyone. I imagine bladder is as great as prostate & bowel for ones dignity!!
As the patient, you just do what you’re told (mostly 
) and hope for the best. The supportive spouse is trying to carry all the rest and keep it together. You both now have a unique insight into each others mindsets- that’s a good thing. It helps.
We both sat down this weekend and had a cry about it all… the sheer bloody bad luck of it all and I told him that I actually feel a bit guilty that we aren’t just moving on from it all. Nuts, I know, but there is this odd feeling like I’m now the one holding us back. Your hb & mine probably felt like that too when they were diagnosed and it wasn’t plain sailing.
Anyway, we are always here to vent if you need to. If your HER2 is positive it may make your treatment more straightforward, but if it comes back as you being triple negative- don’t loose heart. It’s my understanding that it means more chemo, up front, but from then on, it’s a fairly path to the rest of us. Being caught early is always the key
You’ll have another anxious wait, whilst you rest and recover, post lumpectomy, for your follow up/pathology results (3/4wks usually) but once you are armed with all that info, you’ll have a clear treatment plan and be on your way…
Initial biopsies rarely change but pathology of your actual tumour gives them much more info to plan your best treatment options. I also had a ‘?’ over HER2 until they re tested after lumpectomy. It came back negative. They got mine out in one hit and with clear lymph nodes. So, fingers crossed yours is too.
If it isn’t- they’ll get your lymph nodes out and do everything to stop it in its tracks and kill off any residual cells. You’ll get there… it’s caught early 
Onwards and upwards…
My hb and I think we deserve a holiday in the Caribbean after all this lot - maybe you too need to plan a treat for ourselves too when you are less tied to hospital waiting rooms?
Take care of each other
All the best xx