Hi I’m new to this and I’m posting because I am at a loose end today as my mum is having her first op and I’m not able to go with her (overcrowding in waiting room apparently) She was diagnosed on 14th Dec after we spent the whole day of her being prodded and poked lol bless her. This is the only appointment Ive not attended (not for lack of trying) and I’m worried sick as it’s the most important appointment thus far. Is there a forum that isnt just for partners because my dad is useless when hes worried and so I’d like advice on how to support him and my brother. They havent taken the news very well and my mum cant be strong for everyone (even if she wants to). I feel really hopeless because my mum has always been and will always be the center of the family and our rock. I want to at least be able to take this burden from her.
Gemma from Manchester
Hi Gemma
What a lovely daughter you are. My own daughter (22) has also been a massive support to me, so I’m sure your mum really appreciates it.
This forum isn’t just for the person with cancer and their partners, I’m sure there are quite a few sons and daughters who have registered, hopefully they’ll be along soon.
The best thing to support your mum is to reassure her that you’re trying your best to support “the boys”, that will take a lot of pressure off her. You should also find a source of support for yourself, as you need it too. Whether that’s offloading to close friends or coming on here and having a rant or a moan or a sob, all are fine. And tell your mum that you are also getting the support you need.
For today, you might be able to keep in touch with the ward by phone to find out when she’s due back from theatre and ask if you can wait by her bed. My lovely girl did that, and I was so happy to see her, particularly as she came with a sandwich and I was starving!
Not quite sure how you can support your dad and brother best, perhaps the best thing is to go out with the two of them (cafe, pub, somewhere outside the home) and have a chat about things. You can serve as a very valuable intermediary for your mum, so you might want to ask her if there’s anything in particular she wants to get across to them.
Good luck to your mum for today and the next few months too. And also to you. It’ll be tough but “doing it together” will get you through.
CM
x
Hi Gemma,
You are obviously very concerned by what is happening to your mum, and it is clearly affecting you and your family as well.
I think it might really help you to talk to the helpline here, and perhaps they could put you in touch with other daughters going through the same thing.
I am sure they can help you deal with your own feelings and how to support your family through this difficult time.
Hi Gemma,
I hope today went well. It is a lot to cope with when you are trying to support your mum and ‘the boys’ too.
If you have a Maggies near to you you would be most welcome to drop in for advice and support. They do a wonderful job and also have sessions to support family members.
It is quite a leap to go along for the first time so perhaps you could give them a call first.
Hope you get a bit of support. I think it will do some good.
carolyn x
Hi Gemma
Really hope your Mum is doing OK, you all need support at a time like this. Can only really offer a tip for you regarding your brother and Dad. Sadly my Mum was diagnosed in September this year, it was horrific…and then I was diagnosed in November so I am only too keenly aware of both sides of the coin and how I felt. Obviously i am not a guy but based on how I felt they are probably feeling all the things we feel when we hear the news. Scared, helpless and bewildered. Maybe get them involved in practical ways, it might help them feel less helpless and makes them feel part of the process and not sitting on the outside looking in.
Also I found knowledge went a long way to reducing just how scary it all is. I think it may help if they understand more about your Mum’s diagnosis, it makes it less scary so the helpline or drop in centres would be a good idea.
Best wishes to your Mum and family…Zax
Ps Mum and I are doing really well…