Hi, i’ve not been on here for a while & i apologise in advance for the long post - i did used to post on the August 2020 chemo monthly thread, but after i had a bone scan in October (for pain on my collar bone above where i had my lumpectomy) & then further MRI & CT scans last month that has confirmed a bone met in one of my pelvic bones, i’ve felt i haven’t been able to chat on there anymore. The ladies are all lovely & most will be about to or have finished their chemo and i guess i just didnt want to be a downer to them at such a difficult time in their lives.
My oncologist paused my chemo (i’d had 4 x EC, due 4 x docetaxel) whilst i was awaiting my scans & results, so i’ve had a 4 week delay inbetween. I’m now back on track with the rest of my treatment - I’ve just had my 2nd cycle of Docetaxel last friday which has been rough, 2 more to go then radiotherapy & hormone therapy still too. My onc has said that i may qualify for SABR treatment for this bone met but i’ve not heard anything yet and i’m due to see him again the 30th December. I don’t think i’ve asked enough questions, like i know that i now have secondary breast cancer so its’s incurable but treatable, but what does that mean for my future? He hasn’t spoken about my prognosis at all. I’m 40, we have 4 children, the youngest has just turned 3 and i look at him and wonder if i’ll even see him start school? I can’t bear to think about leaving my kids & partner.
I think i’m just still so in shock with it all, my thoughts go from disbelief, anger, denial, fear, worry, why me? What about the kids, my partner? It’s like i can’t think straight at all. How am i supposed to live like this? Everybody keeps telling me to be positive, which j usually am, but i feel so alone as well as tired & weary from the surgeries & chemo since May. My family & friends seem to still think that once my chemo is finished & i’ve hopefully had this new SABR treatment that will be it, i’ll be better & things can get back to normal. But things will never be ‘normal‘ again.
I just want to talk to someone who understands, I’m so scared & lonely.
Just seen your post and wanted to reply and give you a hug, I am 39 and I have been recently diagnosed with the same, I have 2 young children and I understand your fears, anger all the emotions,I know that it’s hard to try and stay positive, please message me if you wish hugs to you xxx
I remember seeing your name around the forums. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I fully understand the bit about not asking the right questions - sometimes I think it’s because we’re afraid to hear the answers. I’m currently awaiting an ultrasound and an MRI for my own bc (I finished treatment June 2019) and I found myself deciding not to ask why.
I really think you should talk to your breast care nurse, if you have a good relationship. They know your case and will know what to tell you. Failing that, the nurses on the helpline here at the number above can be very helpful. These are very hard things to contemplate and only people who’ve ‘been there’ can really click with you. You are spot on about family and friends but I understand now that they are trying to protect you as well as themselves from reality. I’ve only told my one friend and she didn’t even ask why I need the tests - it wasn’t lack of interest, it was because she doesn’t want to think about things like that
I hope you get some reassurances and hope you qualify for the additional treatment,
My story is very similar to yours. I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer in may, and to cut a long story short I had a CT scan in September which showed the cancer has spread to my spine and hip. I was in the middle of chemo, which was stopped immediately and I have been on letrozole and palbociclib, bone injections to start soon. I’ve 2 teenagers and when I was diagnosed with secondaries I couldn’t even be around them I kept bursting into tears. It’s still very new for us and I’m taking comfort from the stories on these forums from ladies who have been living with secondaries for many years. The treatments these days have come on so much, I’m putting my faith in my team and trying to get on with life. I’m starting back to work after Christmas, few months ago couldn’t even have contemplated that. I keep reading on here that eventually you do reach a new normal, maybe it’s just too soon for us. Stay strong xx