Hello. I’m Anne. I am 52 and have been diagnosed with breast cancer and it’s in the lymph nodes. I am terrified and feel so guilty for not having a mammogram when I was 50. I was invited and didn’t go. I had children early, breast fed them, am not overwieght don’t drink and smoke no family history - assumed it wouldn’t happen to me. I feel so ashamed. Now waiting for the next step. Does anyone have the same feelings?
I understand how you may feel due to not attending a mammo at 50, but it is not certain that even if you had had the mammo things would have shown up 2 years ago if they were very small. My cancer was diagnosed 2 years after a clear routine mammogram so a lot can happen in two years. Also, due to normal admin issues, some women do not get their first mammogram at 50 anyway, it can be a year or so after their 50th birthday.
I’m sure we all wish we had done certain things in our lives differently, but the reality is that you will never know whether if you had gone for the mammo at 50 your cancer would have been diagnosed at that point, so try not to be hard on yourself and focus on getting better. It is natural to be shocked and frightened when diagnosed, but treatments for breast cancer have advanced amazingly in recent years and you will be reassured by others on here that whatever treatment is advised for you will be doable. All the best and use this forum for support. xx
Hi Anne sorry you have found yourself on this forum. None of us want to be here but the positive is that you will get lots of support and advice on here. Don’t beat yourself up for missing your mammogram. I was part of the early trials who had mammos at 47 and 50. In October 2017 age 52 I was diagnosed with an invasive ductal cancer. Like you I don’t drink or smoke, breastfed, am not overweight and have no family history. I was so angry on diagnosis and kept asking why me? Now that I’ve had surgery and soon to start radiotherapy, i’m in a better place.
The early days are the worst especially waiting for results and the numerous appointments but once you receive your treatment plan you will feel much better and calmer. Your emotions will be all over the place but its important to try and rest as much as you can. I know its not easy, It’s a long journey and you will get there. Your medical team will want the best outcome for you.
Wishing you the best xx
Thank you. I am already feeling better having joined. The comments are so thoughtful and supportive
Hi Anne I’m 51 and newly diagnosed. I had my routine mammogram just 12 months ago. Diagnosed yesterday. Wait I g now for next step. Big hugs xx
Welcome to the forum Lenny .Lots of advice and support here from people who understand .Good luck with the rest of your treatment ,come talk to us whenever you need to .Jill.
Ive just been diagnosed last week. I had a mammogram last year which was clear. I too have felt guilty about a ‘niggle’, thinking I took my eye off the ball so to speak, but we are now in the loop and going to be sorted. It’s the waiting, the unknown that’s the worst…I fully empathise.
Hello Anne. Like you joining and reading comments on this forum have made me feel not alone and in just 30 mins or so I feel a tad better in myself as so many have the same feelings, emotions and fears. I was diagnosed this week as a result of a recall from a routine mammogram. I have a lumpectomy including node removal to check if there or not on 16th April and really scared and thinking ahead already on the results and what if!!! We are both along with others on here starting a journey to recovery.
These early days of diagnosis are the worst , things do get better the more information you get.
Lumpectomy and node biopsy is a really straight forward op and mainly done as a day case.
I was home mid afternoon feeling pretty good considering , no real pain just more uncomfortable than anything. Most people have no issues and recover well within a couple of weeks , its mentally its hits you harder but this settles down too as the time goes on.
There will always be someone around the forum who has been through whatever you are facing, ask anything you like, nothing will faze us here we’ve been through the lot between us! Xx Jo
As Jo says…
I was also diagnosed by routine mammo & I’m now so glad I went for that appointment, when I very nearly didn’t. I had no idea there was a problem. Thank god for breast screening!
I remember feeling the way you do now, 2 years ago, but having been through it, treatment was all quite straightforward & I was back to life as normal after a few months.
Thank you Jo. You comment has helped so much and yes it is a day case for me.
Thank you Ann
Gill the reason we stay on this forum after our treatment has finished is to hopefully help and reassure those of you joining when newly diagnosed.
I remember all too well signing up as a terrified newcomer 3 years ago and being surrounded by such lovely support from the off and it helped me so much to know I wasn’t alone in this. Before you know it you will be doing the same , time goes by so fast it’s crazy! Xx Jo
Thank you ladies balling my eyes out just reading the comments. Just hate the mornings dread waking up but I am lucky that I am sleeping so have the energy to get through the day. Had the first “hug and sorry to hear your news yesterday from my son in laws mum” that was a thoughy but got through it. The thing I am really struggling with is what I am putting my family through and I keep saying sorry. The more they tell me not to be so silly and that we are a family and will get through it together makes me worse. Any advice please.
Good morning Gill, good that you are sleeping that will definitely help.Yes mornings can be pretty grim when you wake up and realise that it wasn’t a terrible dream and you have to face another day in this scary new world .My advice re family and friends is really do not feel guilty or worry too much about the impact on them they will
adjust and get their heads around this just like you will , this is a time in your life where you need to be selfish ( hard I know) you need to let others support and look after you for a change and concentrate on getting well .Once you have got down the list of people you need to tell and whose upset you need to deal with you will feel better too .Please be prepared for some people’s reactions to not always be as you would hope but also some people you least expect to really come through .Jillx
Hi Gill, I’m recently diagnosed too (Thursday). I think I’m looking at a mastectomy but will know more on Thursday for my next appointment. At the moment only my husband and a friend know and I have apologised for putting them both through this. I ummed and ahh’d about telling my friend because I felt incredibly selfish for dumping the info on her but in the end told her and she’s been great as has my husband. I’m going to try and keep it from my kids (20, 18) as long as possible because they both have exams, the younger one A levels but I guess I will get to the point where I won’t be able to hide it. I feel really guilty that they have to go through this but I do know in my head that is silly. It’s not as if I asked for this to happen!
I also have fears that it has spread everywhere, I know it is in at least one lymph node, I don’t know how bad that is. I’m worrying because no one has mentioned an MRI but lots of people here seem to be having one. At least that would give me piece of mind that it isn’t everywhere (well hopefully!)
This really is a good place to share all our worries as just hearing others say they feel the same is a comfort. X
Hi Michelle ,you asked me on a different thread about telling my son who was doing his AS levels at the time of diagnosis - we initially kept it from him ( it was just days before his exams ) and were going to tell
him after the op when we knew more about treatment prognosis etc - in the end I only needed a lumpectomy and 3 weeks radiotherapy and we decided rightly or wrongly not to tell him at all and to give him the best possible chance in his exams without the worry of my health issues, not sure whether this was the right or wrong decision and it was a bit of a strain being dishonest .Obviously if you need chemo or more radical surgery this would be impossible .Once you have told your son you should contact his school - they will have a designated teacher for this type of situation and they will write to his exam boards to explain additional issues he is dealing with - they can make adjustments to his grades.We did this when my mother in law died right in the middle of my sons A levels - yes we had a good couple of years !!!
You do have to try and park the guilt but as a mum it’s so hard to dump this on your children, my youngest was at uni and I had to tell him over the phone which was horrible! My eldest looked me in the eye and just said well you can’t die mum… No pressure then son!!
They dealt with it though and made me very proud although they were both adults they are my babies and I hated dropping this in their lives, I remember finding out my mum had breast cancer, she was never ever ill and we were all like what the hell!? Our Mum can’t have cancer!
This is one time as a parent you are allowed to be selfish and let others take the reigns, my husband just took over everything and held us all together god love him! This isnt your fault and you have nothing to apologise about but it’s goes against everything to upset your family and lt just comes naturally to say sorry.
You will all find your way through it and my boys are happy and getting on with their lives , occasionally the subject will come and up and they will say god mum I’d almost forgotten you had cancer , that will do for me! Xx
Thank you all so much for your comments it has helped me so much. Michelle I hope all goes ok for you and I will sure be thinking of you. You will know when to tell your kids I am sure. I had both my girls with me at the time of the results which helped but again all the time I was thinking they shouldn’t be there hearing this. Thank you all again. I am so glad I found these forums and send every single one of you a huge hug. Take care and speak again soon I am sure.
Thanks Jill for the info re school, I will get on to that once we decided to tell her. Thanks Jo and Gill for your compassion too, best wishes for you too Gill here’s to getting our health back x