Reconstruction doubts

I’ve trawled some of the posts around here but can’t find anyone who has talked about choosing to not have reconstruction.  I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon but bottled out a week before because I’m frightened, I just don’t have the time to recover from the surgery, I cannot affort to take time off work (I’m self employed), and a friend showed me her scars and how she still suffers, and I was horrified.  So, I’m just living lopsided, and hate it - I hate the discomfort, the lack of decent bras, the weight of my falsie, the spasms around my scar, the loss of strength, and feeling that I have to present myself as ‘normal’ to the world.  I feel embarrassed if anyone sees my flat side.  My children (grown up) and husband try to reassure me and say I should just ignore the flatness and people will be understanding and even admire me.  I can’t, it’s just too personal. I’m exhausted and anxious and seem to be going downhill.  My treatment finished nearly 2 years ago, so I thought by now I would be getting used to it, and getting on with my life. 

So, is there anyone out there who does go ‘au naturel’?!  

Hi Tor,

Yes, there are others here who have chosen to stay flat & not have a reconstruction & hopefully will be along shortly to share experiences.

I understand from seeing posts here, that there is a facebook group called ‘Flat Friends’ which quite a few have found helpful.

Sorry to hear how you’re feeling & wishing you well in moving forward with it.

ann x

Hello Tor,

 

" ME "…  i chose NOT to have reconstruction…why ??   … surgery is much longer… recvery is much longer…  but mainly i dont like the idea of having something artificial/not natural in my body.

do i regret not having it done… a big NO…

Ok so the ’ falsie 'feels quite heavy but i only wear mine if we’re going somewhere special otherwise its my faithful ’ softie ’ tucked neatly into a crop top with a slit in side which i found in Peacocks.

like you i dont look at myself in the mirror until i have a top on although my husband and daughter reassured me that it was nice and neat and dont let it worry you.

its ok to say these things but they’re not inside your head and cant feel what you are feeling.

my mastectomy was on the 16th april so its early days for me but i’m trying to get on with things although still have pain/twinges under armpit.

only you can decide but if you decide to stay lop sided dont beat yourself up about it… once we have had cancer we must all grab life with both hands and appreciate every second.

please stay in touch and big HUGS  ???

ps. You dont say how old you are ??  I’m a young 68 !!  And had my first chemo yesterday !!!

 

 

 

 

Hi, I have only just seen your post, but wanted to tell you that you are not alone!  I am had my op 6 months ago.  I refused a reconstruction for several reasons, mainly, I am 68 soon and didn’t want to have to have more surgery when I am 80-odd to replace whatever, didn’t like the thought of having something ‘foreign’ inside me and didn’t want even more surgery to reduce my other breast, which is an ‘F’ cup.    

 

Anyway, I hate my scar, it still hurts 6 months after surgery and my first prothesis was very heavy, I went back and changed it to a ‘partial’ one which is silicone with a hollow space behind it, so it can be padded out with a bit of stuffing if needed but I don’t do that, its just in a cotton cover and slips inside my normal underwired bras.  I can’t say I like it but it is so much lighter and looks normal.  I forget its there.  Have you been back to the hospital to try alternative protheses?   By the way, I forgot to put mine in the other day and it wasn’t until I was walking round Tesco that I realised!  I was horrified, but I didn’t get any strange looks, nobody seemed to notice.

Hi Tor

This is such a personal thing for yourself. Two years later and you don’t sound very happy, despite reassurances from, an obviously, loving husband and children. You’ve stated “I hate it”. So I guess you either go for some kind of help/therapy to improve your self image about yourself as you are. Or you bite the bullet.

I’m guessing your friends recon, was a self tissue one, as you said she still suffers with her scars. Have you looked into Implant recon, as a quicker option healing time wise, with no “extra” scars to your breast nor to whatever other part of your body a self tissue is taken from.

Implants are so much better than they used to be - longer lasting, anatomically shaped so that much more natural looking, as opposed to half a sphere that looks plonked on. The incision (approx 6 cm) to insert the initial expander is made along your existing scar, hence no “extra” scarring to the breast area, much shorter op, and quicker healing. Less risk of infection, because of fewer scars. Just requires a few short follow up appointments, to inject more saline to gradually expand to the required size, before another short op to replace with the permanent silicone implant. Then when healed again (not long) and settled, the option to have nipple recon is there. And then the final icing on the cake, when you’re ready to, or again if you want it, is having the areola tattooed.

Yes, it’s a lengthier process, in that it’s done in stages, but the op times and healing times are shorter, with none of the risk of the self tissue dying. And an option to have your natural breast tweeked at some later stage, if it requires some matching up.

It could fit your self employed work situ better, and be less of a fear for you, while at the same time provide a long term filling of that empty space you seem to be missing so much.

I felt like you did without one breast for a year, then without two for seven years. Wanted immediate implant only recon with both. Didn’t want extra scarring, healing time, extra infection risks or of tissue death, but it didn’t happen due to surgeon thinking I wanted tissue recon. Long delay to finally embark on due to other life stuff/difficulties. Am still at expander stage, but I felt immediately better, appearance and therefore confidence wise, just from having those installed.

I’m single, had always been body proud, and just didn’t feel very womanly any more, so it was important to me. Discovered I’d missed the outer underarm curve as well as the up front curve. 

Yes, implants “may” need replacing after 20 yrs, but, as said, they “are” that much better nowadays, longevity and shape wise, so may “not”. But they have to warn you, just in case. All the recent scares with PIP implants leaks, were of a particular type of silicon and were never “approved”. Current ones are that much more stringently tested, and ARE approved.

You may have already had discussions about self tissue options, but not the implant option.

Hope this may be of some help to you, Tor.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, and that you feel better.

 

Lots of love, Delly xxx   

Hello Tor

 

I have lived lop sided for about 7 years for similar reasons to you. I picked up on one particular thing in your post, the spasms and loss of strength. If it’s any help to you to know this, it took me a very long time to get feeling anything like comfortable on the affected side. It came as a very welcome surprise but must have been at least four years on and possibly longer.

I continued with the exercises and added heavier weights. Did you get the BCC DVD of exercises? It was a great help to me and I still put it on sometimes - I have added some other exercises, safe for osteoporosis patients like me,  and it has all improved the affected side.

Knitted knockers supply a lightweight and fun falsie, have you seen their website?

When you talk about your flat side do you mean when you are naked?  I warn any medics first that I have had the op- that way I do not catch any look of surprise.

Like you I just wanted to get on with my life and I know that the decision I made was right for me and that helps.

I am sorry that you feel so rotten. Believe me I wish the whole thing had never happened to me and looking in the mirror could be a better experience but no way could I have gone through more surgery. Please do take heart that the discomfort will pass. Online specialist companies have some very nice pocketed bras and I’ve found all the companies very helpful. 

 

 

Hi Tor

 

Like you after going through all the treatment and surgeries the last thing I felt I could cope with was further surgery for a reconstruction.  However, also like you after 2 years of wearing a false silcone breast inside my bra, I was not particularly happy with it.

 

2 years after my mastectomy I had a PAP reconstruction.  It is similar to a DIEP but the donor site is the inner thigh area.  That was now over 2 1/2 years ago and it was without doubt the best decision I made.  My new breast looks so real and honestly I now think of it as my real breast.

 

I can now wear what I like and do what I like with no worry of having to have an implant replaced at a future date.

 

I certainly was not ready for reconstruction before the 2 year point and even though it is a big operation and does take a lot to recover from, afterwards I finally felt more like me again.  

 

When I was still unsure whether or not to go for surgery I went along to a Keeping Abreast meeting and there I saw final results of other ladies who had been through it.  I was amazed how good they were.  I also met a lady in her 70’s who was also waiting to have it done and she had put it over for over 15 years but had then decided not to waste any more time. After speaking to her I decided that reconstruction with my own tissue was the right decision for me.

 

Good luck with whatever choice you make.  At the end of the day it is whatever you are comfortable with.

 

MM

xx