Hi,
need to be able to talk somewhere! Had mastectomy for idc November 2016 and axillary clearance. Was told I could have reconstruction a year after radiotherapy which helped with decision to have mastectomy as only given as an option immediatiately prior to surgery. Felt like a no brainer as I had a very lumpy breast and thought I would always be having to get lumps checked out and have to cope with the anxiety of that. However, reconstruction isn’t proving straightforward at all. First surgeon was very reluctant to do this at all and basically said my best option might be to just have remaining side reduced so I could use a smaller prosthesis. I had previous surgery for a pre cancerous pancreatic tumour which had left a big abdominal scar and had to have my spleen removed. So, increased risk of infection that I might not be able to fight, plus scar tissue leaving DIEP not possible. She did agree to refer to another surgeon who would be less risk averse than her. He’s been much more positive and thinks my options are bilateral TUG to form one new beast which will be smaller than my D cup ( so reduction of other side later) or just a reduction of other side. I have faith that he knows what he is doing and that the hospital has high success / low infection rates. But I am still scared! This surgery is not life saving and I guess is ‘optional’, so I am chosing to put myself through this. But if I can have it I know I would feel so much better. The fact that it is something that I am chosing to do, also makes it even harder with regard to my family. My husband has found all my surgery really difficult to cope with, although he never said anything at the time. My children say it is up to me , but my daughter spent ages talking about how unimportant appearance is and people have to cope with worse disfigurements. Husband says I have to do what is right for me and he will have to deal with his feelings ( he has started to see a counsellor).
I just feel so guilty and also scared about possible consequences of surgery. Can’t talk to family because I feel I am bringing this on myself and have the option to not have it done! Have also just reached pont of feeling much fitter / better and another op will be a step back again ( although then many steps forward!)
Sorry for rambling on, but writing some of this down does help!