Relationship abuse and problems

Hello everyone, this is my first post here, thank you for this space where I can talk. I am 36F, living with bf 31M in my little flat. I have breast cancer and he takes care of me, nominally. I also suffer from coping problems, depression and emotional dysregulation.

I would like to just describe what happened to me today and maybe get some feedback. So bf was supposed to drive me to the hospital for an exam at 7:30. I asked him when to wake him up. He said 5min earlier. I woke him 10min earlier and we were still at the flat at 7:40. I complained about being late and we fought, i had no time to get there, i didnt go. After 2h of silence i apologized for yelling and arguing, hoping he would drive me to the second exam i had at 10:40 but he wouldnt and he wouldnt solve the argument. I tried talking, said i was annoyed by running late, he started insulting me, calling me shit, idiot, cow, defect… I insulted him back and he hit me, pushed me, hit with fist, intimidated by getting in my face very close, threatened me and pulled my hair so it came out in wisps, because its still weak from chemo. Its 3 days to christmas, which is already ruined for me, now i have to humiliate myself and apologize for the insults if i want to get over this. I wont get an apology, i already know. I am very sad and i feel helpless. I know i’m a big burden because i’m sick mentally and physically and i dont know how to change it, what to do, i have no coping or life skills. Also i have very little friends and i’m ashamed to talk to them about this, i’m afraid they would reject me and i’d lose the little i have. Same with partner, i’m scared i’ll die alone.

Thank you for listening, i wish everyone happy holidays

Hi , welcome to the forum .Im so sorry you are having such a horrible time ,cancer and all that surrounds it causes so much stress and puts relationships under so much pressure ,but there’s no excuse for violence. Do you have anyone you can trust that you can talk to about this ? I’m assuming you are not in the UK ? Are there organisations where you live that you can talk to about whats happening and who will support you in moving on if that’s what you want to do ? Any move should be planned carefully and with support to do it safely . Please come back to us and chat whenever you need to .

Best wished Jill .

Hi

i am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Being hit is not ok … Please can you tell us  do you live in the UK? if so i can share couple of resources… Whatever you do please do not suffer in silence.

can you speak to your GP about your depression? it is hard to make any decisions how to move forward if you are feeling depressed.

some info in the UK:

advancecharity.org.uk/

24 hours phone line :

nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

please look after yourself. I am sure some better days will come.

xx

Dear @Bgc , I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation.

There are charities that can help talk you through options:

Please don’t keep this to yourself - there are people who can help.

We’re sending you our warmest wishes

Bernard

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Hi
Posting on this thread even if the last message was in 2022, as I notice Macmillan have a new page about cancer while experiencing domestic abuse: Cancer and domestic abuse | Macmillan Cancer Support

Please don’t live in silence - there are organisations and people who can help.

Bernard

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