I was diagnosed with BC in January this year at the age of 46. I have been with my boyfriend for 3+ years and he has been amazing, so supportive, kind, caring attended all my appointments, looked after me following my surgery etc.
Yesterday I found out he had been ‘chatting’ with a few women on a well known dating site. He looked like the naughty school boy who had been caught doing something wrong when I confronted him.
He said he never had any intention of meeting anyone and that he just needed to feel like he was wanted by others - whatever that means.
He says he loves me and that he doesn’t want us to split up but equally I cannot trust him. He won’t see any therapist about how he’s feeling and bottles all his emotions up - that said he actually cried yesterday for the first time ever so he does have a little compassion!
He said he feels lonely but rather than speak to me he spoke to other women. I’m heartbroken
Hi Jayne1210
Sorry to read this - what an extremely difficult time for you.
I can imagine you felt so disappointed and hurt when you found this out particularly at a time when you are so vulnerable and recovering and coming to terms with the changes in your body following surgery.
This is a challenging time for you as a couple. I remember needing a lot of reassurance, time and understanding from my partner - I had a mastectomy and reconstruction a year ago. It took time, patience and talking to know that I was still attractive to him. I knew though that the effort wasn’t one sided - he needed reassurance too I found. That I still wanted to be intimate, and desired him and I guess we both needed to find a new connection physically - especially as we loved my old boobs!! I always found using a little bit of humour and making light of things sometimes helped! He needed to know he wasn’t hurting me in anyway physically after the surgery and for some months later too.
I hope you and your partner find a way to navigate your way through this time - there have been so many changes for you both. Lots of time, patience, talking it through and a little bit of humour may go a long way!
Bless you - hope you feel better about it all soon. Xx
Oh gosh its a tough one this. I know you feel awful but you can get through this. My Husband often feels neglected, my sex drive is way lower and with the treatment its not always easy to make an effort. I have to remind myself to pay him attention too. That being said, its no excuse for your boyfriends behaviour. But. At least he has shown remorse.He needs to get a grip though as you have enough going on without worrying what he is up to. I hope you can resolve this.
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through with your partner. It’s no wonder you feel heartbroken.
We know that couples facing cancer can feel emotional distress, and when both partners are under stress the relationship can become strained. We have some resources on our website that you may find useful, including some organisations that you may want to reach out to: Intimate relationships and breast cancer | Breast Cancer Now
Please know that our nurses are here for you, on the Ask our Nurses your questions board on the forum or over the phone 0808 800 6000.
Hi Jayne, Oh gosh this is so hard to read, this is exactly what a very close friend is going through. Also the feeling that she is completely on her own without him. She does have a good support network, but that means nothing without him.
The texting, pictures, even we think, he has been meeting with other woman, he just cannot be trusted, yet he is always forgiven!
I don’t know how to help her, she would be able to fight this so much better without him, but also in the same breath she needs him, she thinks.
I don’t have any answers for you, wish I did. You guys deserve all the strength everyone can give you and not have to worry what these weak bellied individuals are doing taking your focus away from getting better!
