Relationship, scared and alone

I was diagnosed last year and had a double mastectomy and reconstruction but refused Tomoxifen as it’s side effects were horrible so I couldn’t bare with the tablets… I thought I was all clear but unfortunately I was rediagonised again in august and have now had a lumpectomy and full node clearance. I’m 30 years old with 3 children and the time round iv suffered so hard with my mental health… I keep pushing my partner away I feel so horrible inside I feel so much hate towards everyone and I just done no why… I coped really well the first time but soon as I had all my life back on track I was hit in the head with a second diagnosis… the time I was going threw it my partner go a new job where all our communication was cut of I felt totally alone and a big burden on him and my family. I just can’t seem to move past this horrible feeling and it’s so hard to talk to people as they are a lot older then me as as they don’t seem to have the same worries or symptoms… I finished Radiothreapy on the 1st of December and I thought great that’s it it’s over and done with… but the hardest thing I am finishing it the big wedge it has put between me and my partner… I feel like I’m losing everything all because of cancer… so sorry for the king winded essay I just don’t no how to move on from such negative emotions


Hi Kathryn,

Sorry to hear what you’ve been through, but you’re not alone with this, others here have had similar issues.

You’ve had 2 big shocks & have only just gone through treatment. It would have been odd if you had gone through this without some of the feelings you describe.

Finishing treatment can also be a strange time for many of us. I remember thinking I should feel relieved & get back to normal, but I did feel low for a period of time afterwards & I had not gone through what you have been through. 

Understandably, there maybe anger in how you’re feeling, which means we can push away those closest to us, but it’s not your fault. 

Others have found counselling support helpful, have you looked at this yet? At least it will give you a safe place to work through these feelings. You’re BCN or GP will be able to advise, alternatively, it might be worth giving the helpline here a ring. 

It’s good you’re recognising how you’re feeling, as it’s the first step to addressing it. 

Do come back & chat or vent whenever you need to. 

Sending hugs

ann x

Thank you Ann-m
I have informed my doctors who have put me on anti depressants I am also doing talking therapy every two weeks with all this in place I still find it so hard… I think I just expect everything to go wrong and I constantly look on the bad things in life that could go wrong or have… I really bounced back last time but a year to the date I was again hit in face with the tragic news and fear it’s all happened again… I don’t no weather I feel if I was alone then I couldn’t hurt anyone from my illness… been so young and watching people around me get on with life has been so hard… I think we sit their and say why me, what did I do to derseve the path iv been given… one of the hardest points is not knowing anyone of a similar age who is going threw it to… they seems to be a lot more support out their for the older generation (witch may not be the case) but for me I found that no matter who I spoke to or had advice off could really relate to how it’s been for me… then I feel guilty because everyone has their own demons when faced with cancer no matter the age… it’s like a constant battle with emotions Day in day out… I’m greatful for me hear and around for my kids… but the hardest things is to start lining myself after all the hate iv given to me threw this hole process… Radiothreapy was one of the hardest things in my life to ever go threw… I refused chem purely because I couldn’t bare to tell my children that I had cancer so I made the difficult choose not to do it and again I didn’t want to put the strain on my family… one day I hope it will all be over and I can move on but for now the process and battle continues


Hi Kathryn,
There are certainly others here who are around your age & have posted recently. Have you been to the ‘Younger women with families’ on the ‘Talk to people like me’ board?
There is also a Facebook page for young women, the helpline will advise.
It’s good to hear you have sought support with all of this.
In relation to treatment, it may help to try & keep an open mind about it all & see what your team recommend to get it sorted out.
You are not hurting anyone from your illness, it just is what it is. Family & others can be stronger than you think & it’s not about them, it’s about you & want you need to do to get through it.
Do take care
ann x

Hi jobey
I had grade 2 stage 1 invasive breast cancer no lymth node effect… I was given Tomoxifen witch I took for 3 months but the side effects were to bad,I couldn’t bare the hot flushes and my mental state became a lot worse when I was on them… my Oncolgist was happy for me to stop as my risk was really low but unfortunately a short while after I found another lump witch was the same cancer so I was then advised to have Radiothreapy and chemo… I took Radiothreapy on the head but because I didn’t get a clear answer about chemo and weather it would actually benifits me I decided against it mainly because of the kids and my family. Their also wanted be do the injections this time round to stop my ovaries from working but again due to no clear answe of it actually stopping the cancer from returing I again decided against it… I had medical anxiety at the best of times so with all this on top it’s completely sent me over board


Hi Kathryn ,I’ve had cancer twice in the last 2 years and like you I " bounced back " the first time and got on with my life ,the second time however it was a lot harder to move forward and I’m having some taking therapy too and struggling with anxiety .Dont underestimate the impact this has on you mentally and don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling rubbish .It is early days for both anti -depressants and talking therapy - hopefully you will feel better soon .Jill.

Thanks Jill :slight_smile:
Hope your ok to :slight_smile: it is a lot harder second time round… didn’t think it would be but it has been… even after a smaller operation it got tougher. Thank you all for your advice it’s so nice to relate to people who is or has been threw similar situations


Yes it’s very hard for someone who has not been through it to understand .It really does test relationships too - my OH was great with the physical stuff but struggles with me not being ok mentally. Come and talk to us here -have a good moan - we understand .

Yes that’s the same with me he was fantastic with the physical side but the mental side is pushing us away mainly cause I don’t feel good enough and feel so guilty putting it on him when we are so young I convinced myself he wants someone else and in tune Iv just made the situation worse I was never like this I used to be so strong headed and confident but now I just worry that all that is going to happen is bad things and that I’m no good to anyone… pretty sad to admit it but I’m just so scared of life at the moment …

Hi Kathryn,it’s not an usual way to feel after 2 cancers -your body tried to kill you twice after all !! it’s natural to think " what the hell next" / not be able to enjoy things /relax in case something bad happens again.Its a horrible way to feel but it’s kind of understandable .You def need help from outside of friends and family to help you work through it .Ive started CBT and Im hoping it will help but it’s not a quick fix and anxiety /sadness is horrible .There is a thread " need a hug or a kick up the backside " in this part of the forum where a few of us who are struggling with anxiety etc have been talking and giving eachother a bit of moral support if you want to join us - just dip in when you feel the need.

Thanks jill

I shall do that :slight_smile: