Well tomorrow is results day after waiting 3 1/2 weeks from second op. It has been a busy few weeks to put it mildly (2 ops, dad died unexpectedly and house burgled) and quite honestly I think only looking forward to a bottle of mulled wine in the evening and a never ending stream of visitors including cyber chats from ladybowler, other lovely ladies here and a very strong will has got me there. I am going to bed very tired for a change and feeling very positive about tomorrow’s appointment. Think butterflies will happen tomorrow…it’s a pain I’m not being seen until 4pm. Husband in a very strange mood, poor darling really worried about me and that makes me sad. Crossing fingers and toes xx
Wow, what a time you have had. And what a strong person you are. Sending big hugs.
xxx
Thanks Rosie…I’m definitely a stronger person than I ever gave myself credit for, I e got too much to do for anything to knock me down for long xx
Nikki
Hiya is it 4pm this afternoon or tomorrow that you get your results, was not sure because of the time of your posting?
Well an extra special pair of tough pants anyway for you, will be thinking of you xxxx
Fab pants…love them!
4pm today, I realised once I posted but not sure how to edit. Hubby and I on way now, will go for lunch before. I am very calm, I thought I would have a wobble but I haven’t…little point now, they can throw their best at me. Will update later xx
Good and bad news today. Grade 2, Stage 2, HER2 positive cancer. Margins and nodes clear.
Oncology appointment in 2 weeks, 6 cycles chemo start 2 weeks after that. 3 weeks radiotherapy. Herceptin for 17 cycles. 5-10 years of tamoxifen or anastrazole.
In a bit of a spin at the moment. It’s good the margins and nodes are clear but in my mind it’s pretty much as bad as it could get for the treatment. Totally crapping myself chemo and losing my long blonde hair, I know that’s vain and losing my hair is better than losing my life. She said was the highest positive ER and HER2 hence throwing everything at it.
Waiting for eldest son and partner to arrive and tell them, I think he will be ok but I know she won’t as she lost her mum to cancer so it brings back old feelings. Not sure about the younger 3 sons, they are all in their 20’s and level headed but very protective of their mum.
Hope other people had better results today.
Nikki xxx
Nikki so sorry on your loss. I am also sorry that the results you received today were not all that you wanted but PLEASE TAKE COMFORT from the fact that there are peoole like me - grade 2, her2+, ER+ who just a few short weeks ago were in the exact same place as you are today.
I was literally terriified at the thought of chemotherapy and asked every question to try and avoid it! Next wednesday i will have my 3rd round of fec and it is doable. I have lost my hair but i have a great wig and it is amazing how almost bald has become ‘normal’ in my house!
This is a very scary and uncertain time for you and emotionally you must be drained but you can do this because as you said yourself, you are a lot stronger than you thought you were!!
Have a look at the September thread for going through chemo - you will find great advice - and then the october thread will have you laughing!!
We are all here for you Nikki xxx
Im awake at 3.45am (again) purely because the mulled wine has worn off (and run out!) and for that today I feel pathetic, seriously. Not the running out though, I have other alcohol but that it’s the only way I sleep at the moment. Telling our 4 sons tonight was awful…I put a Mum face on and convinced them it was all going to be ok, the cancer was gone, no tears for them just convincing happy mum etc etc. I didn’t lie, I told them what the surgeon told me that the next year is not going to be great but it’s goid news the cancer has gone etc etc I don’t feel good though. Just a few weeks ago I promised them everything was fine it was non invasive DCIS and I had nothing to worry about which was what I was told and now I am having so much treatment thrown at me they are spinning. I AM strong enough for this but tonight just a few hours after being told I don’t feel like I am. I feel so blooming vain that I am more worried about losing my long hair than I was about the prospect of more surgery. Everything has been taken from me in the last couple of weeks…my dad, my safety at home and now I’m going to lose a part of my personality. My husband is grateful I’m ‘not going to die’ but he sees one end or the other of the cancer spectrum whereas I see the journey. I spoke to my sons and best friend tonight and close friends I told by text as I couldn’t deal with their reactions. I feel a bit bad about that but right now I think that is their issue not mine. Not my kids though, their reaction is absolutely my problem if I had told them in a way that they got more upset by this and I remember turning to my husband after and saying ‘was that ok’ as it was all about face. My *uck it bucket is pretty full right now, I will join the chemo bunch and I am so thankful I get to get it off my chest so to speak without upsetting my family. Next hurdle is getting our house doors replaced next Friday (could have had normal double glazed units but had to wait for composite ones) then my dads funeral the following Monday and I expect the Oncologist appointment the same week. Even I recognise it’s a lot for one person to be going through, my BCN wants me to see a counsellor but I’m not sure which bit for or if it’s for all of it. Tonight though I think is crap, and I know I have a few hurdles to jump. Xx
Thank you Helena, I welcome all hugs right now virtual or otherwise. I’m still awake since 3 ish this morning, have an upset tummy now…not sure if the wine or shock. My poor husband…he is so lovely and I had a proper rant at him last night. He was completely disregarding all the treatment and only hearing the cancer has gone. I was the other way round. It felt like he was belittling what I’ve still got to go through. I have been reading up about HER2 positive and herceptin and wish I hadn’t, it’s pretty grim on first read. Xx
Nikki
Though mum has just been diagnosed with Her+2, my sister and I (see you mentioned your boys of a similar age) are in the same mind frame, thinking of the treatment involved and asking why why why it had to involve that and couldn’t have been a removal and tablet or rads. Me and my sister had another cry on the phone this morning, we go from being strong osktiive to this isn’t real, and not happening to our healthy trooper of our my who she was out at the garden enter with yesterday looking at xmas decorations. Thinking how it will all hit home when the effects of the chemo take place and the hair, I showed mum wigs the other day and she was quite ok, but it’s the side effects sickness that we are fearsome off but I keep saying for the duration it will be worth t (I know I’m not experiencing it first hand)
I’ve read loads too and it’s scary to think of the medication involved and impact, but we all have to be positive. I feel angry and take am snappy with work colleagues as I’m upset at the thought of what my mum will go through as like you, are thinking of all the bad side effects.
What scares me, that the this is such a bumpy ride, results after results, mums op’s is on the 15th and then results from that, iyou here her2+ and think is it attacking the body in the same of two weeks worse. But I think comfort can be found in talking to each other and your sons will want to be their to support you, you’re their world they always think mum will be ok so shock and upset on their part to be expected but sounds like you have a lovely support unit around you xxxxx
I think I have gone through every emotion in the last few hours and just to kick me while I’m down I’ve got another urine infection! I have just emailed work to tell them everything and say I’m not sure when I will be back yet. That felt quite final but positive that I have told them and that it would be prudent to get someone to do my work for a while. I’m a project manager for a couple of councils so I know it will be a headache for them but needs to be done. I am now tucked up in bed with a painful bladder having a rest.
Thank you all for keeping in touch…it really does help having a rant and getting it out of my system. I have decided I can wallow all day today but from tomorrow I will start reading the gumf properly and the chemo threads to try and not be so scared of it all.
Love Nikki xxx
Hi all…just thought I’d let you know how I’m doing, I hope you have all had a lovely weekend.
I did let myself have one wallowing day, I’m sure I will have more on this journey but for me I was glad I put a time limit on last week! Life carries on all the same. Friday I had yet another urine infection (kick me while I am down), antibiotics working and I’m feeling much better. Friday was pretty rubbish all in all. My husband has clearly been reading up and now he just looks/acts more protective of me. Our boys all called in after work, I know they are all worried. I thought bugger you damn cancer and UTI…I showered, face on, hair done lovely and we all went out to eat and have a bit of a laugh. The kids have said they would all go bald with me! I was early to bed though. Saturday was busy sorting and starting to empty my dads place and preparing his order of service. In the evening went to stay a my best friends to watch the fireworks. One person there thought she would be the oracle on all things medical and I did have to say (nicely) I’m bored of this conversation because she wouldn’t shut up and my one day wallow was in danger of drifting into two! It would have been followed quickly by shut the ***k up. I found this in just a couple of months that everyone has wanted to share a story that ?whoever? has had cancer so you’ll be ok, like it’s that simple! I wonder if my tolerance will go up or down. Lovely Sunday lunch out with one son and girlfriend, it been good.
Friday this week the new doors go on following the break in so I’m hoping I will start feeling safer at home, I know I’m a bit paranoid right now. The Monday after is my dads funeral and Oncologist appointment the day after.
Love to all, hope today was good for you.
Nikki xxx
Hi Nikki
Ive been concentrating on my own treatments lately so have missed many threads.
Your diagnosis is very similar to mine but I had one node affected so Im having node clearance after my chemo treatment.
I had cycle 4 yesterday and Herceptin on Tuesday!
The steroids Im on for 3 days do wake you in rhe middle of rhe night but then I snack, watch TV and then fall asleep again. I had a long soak in the bath with Epsom salts as the GCSF injections(I have 7 to do at home) did give me aches and pains each cycle and I heard the Doxetaxol can too. Paracetomol and Ibrofen if needed helps too.
I felt better when I got my treatment plan because then I prepared myself. My hair came off for MacMillan which felt I was in control. Im now loving by bobble hats, (you can get away with it in winter) and my 3 wigs for work or going out, my hairdresser is amazing and washes and blows them for me.
I have joined an 8 week course at a local cancer centre where they offer 45 minutes one to one councilling wirh a nurse, 45 mins therapy (I have reflexology) lunch, then group session. I have met a few lovely ladies all with different types and different stages but we learn from each other.
So far 3 cycles of EC have been manageable for me. The first cycle I was more anxious as not sure what to expect but with lots of reading and research into what would ease side effects really helped. I sucked on sweets and just ate anything at anytime I wished.
We all have different trestment plans and deal with our situations in different ways. I have been able to go to work on my good days and weekends (I have my own business) but rest up and go for walks whenever possible. I also go to yoga and do breathing exercises at home.
My daughter is at uni and I dont want her distracted (she home when I was diagnosef and she saw how I managed well with 2 cycles which helped)and I have a good network around me if I need but I dont like fuss, and enjoy my own company (with Merlot the cat) as Im surrounded by people af work all of the time. Its only 10 minutes away. But I have brought in a business partner which has taken a huge weight of my shoulder…its me time!
Anyway, I went through similar from June. Told I had DCIS and then lump out to be told Stage 2 IDC Herc+ and Er+ and I had one day of tears, ranting and going beserk but my mate shut me up with the Haig Whisky which worked! I havent touched any alcohol since even though I have been told I can have one now and then but my taste buds havent wanted it. I do have a guinness now and then as I make myself feel better with the tiny bit of iron it has in it:) My eating patterns and what I eat have all changed which I’m quite proud as I have a restaurant and food and alcohol are there!!!
The way I look at it now is that at least we can be mended and trestment now is so advanced! I have heard and met so many successful stories lately as I ve held 2 charity events for Breast Cancer and ladies who have been rhrough it have attended. Its a big thing to see and it makes you very positive.
My main issue was worrying about sicknessand nausea. Anti sickness drugs are given and I adked for extra Amend, which helped and I wore sea bands. I was fine. There are alternatives for drugs if they dont suit and Ive learnt that your team have to tell you worse case scenario but then you worry. Different nurses have different ways of telling you stuff, some more sensitive than others but always take a notebook to appointments and write everything down and fire away at the questions. Take someone with you to listen too as you have lots to take in and they will listen too. They do also ask you about joining in research but you dont need to make up your mind there and then. Decide whats best for you and dont feel bad for saying no, you will be treated the same!
Anywsy, my eyes are going again so will try to sleep . If it helps scroll through the threads to CK day one and Day 2 of chemo and there is a list of things which helps me at the start of my treatment.
Ive also posted about Taste Buds Haywire, Intolerent and Impatient etc. We all go through similar emotions and feelings through this journey but handle differently. There will be ladies who just read threads which will I hope help them and there are others who are on every thread. Its their way of coping too. If you see ladies going through tough times, they soon come through it but its somewhere where they can let it out as we are shsring with people who understand.
All the very best and feel free to PM if needed.
Lots of love and strength.xxx