Had mx 9 weeks ago and now on tamox, no chemo or rads thank goodness. Had problems with my wound and i have the dressings changed still as my body rejected the stitches.
My problem is i feel like i should be ready to go back to work, i used to work 60 hours a week in a sales enviroment, i have 8 men who work for me and my bosses are all male, i have been told that i will be on full pay until i decide to go back and my employers are so supportive. At the moment im so emotional, people assume your fine because youve had the surgery, but im not, and i feel that i should be.
I feel guilty about not being back in work by now, i popped in last week for a coffee with my staff and i couldnt wait to get out of there, the thought of going back is worrying me so much that i cant sleep.
I don’t know when the "right’ time to go back is, but it sounds like not yet for you. I went back 6 weeks after rads finished. I’d had mx and chemo, so was off 8 months. I used to work 50 to 55 hours a week but I went back on a phased return. I did 2 weeks of 2 5 hour days, then 2 weeks of 3 5 hour days. I’m now doing 4 5 hour days. When you’re ready, talk to your doctor about a phased return.
I concur with Nottsgal. Going back full time is too big an ask, emotionally as well as physically. Once you’re back full time everything thinks your AOK, when you might be struggling - and your job sounds pressurised…
My problem is that when I go back to work on a phased return (let’s say 2.5 hours a day) and someone comes to the door and says “we’ve got someone dying in ITU” (I’m a chaplain) - how can I say, “sorry, I’ve done two hours twenty, I’m off home in ten mins” - they’re not replacing a colleague who’s retiring while I’m off, so there won’t be cover all the time, and once you get into a situation like that, you can be there for 8 hours or so, no food, no break, no nothing. Not sure how to manage that one either!
Yes everyone assumes that im AOK, but im not ready to go back. I used to work 7am - 6pm, and that was eating on the go with no proper breaks. I have an appoinment to see my dr next Monday as my sick note runs out, I’ll ask her opinion.
Hi there,
I agree with the others, you are not ready to go back yet. You have had major surgery and need to be both physically and emotionally well. Also sounds like you would be advised a phased return when the time comes. Its good your employers have been supportive, makes a big difference. I had 9months off last year after mx, chemo and rads and even though I only worked very part time hours (2 days a week) still did a very gradual phased return and a few hours at a time.My employers have been fantastic, I am currently off again as I had breast reconstruction 6 weeks ago. Dont feel ready to go back yet but hopefully in 2-3 weeks time.
Put yourself first. Work can wait
Janey xx
Michelle, you have had the surgery but there’s still way to go in dealing with all you have been through. You haven’t finished healing physically, and you are also adapting to the tamoxifen, and oh what fun we know that can be!! You may sail through that, but for many of us it’s another big blow to getting back in control over your body and your mind, and it takes time. There’s still the what to wear/how to look good issues, as well as the, OMG I survived Cancer! aspects. That’s before you start to worry if it’s okay to carry this little laptop and bag of homework…
Nine weeks off is *nothing* for a major illness, and if your boss is happy to keep paying you, I say take a bit of a break! Did you actually have a Holiday yet, and I don’t mean sitting on the settee so full of painkillers and daytime TV that you have no idea what day it is anyhow, I mean proper time away with your loved ones, and without your hoover, being pampered and relaxing and feeling Good about the fact you are surviving? If you’ve not had a holiday, you’re certainly not ready for the long-haul through to Christmas, because as soon as you get back, they who have been so bravely coping without you, will all disappear off for theirs!
I’m also going to suggest you get used to having lunch, make a habit of whatever you’re doing, putting it all down and stopping for at least half an hour, or your body will not heal. When I got cancer I had to learn I actually wasn’t superwoman, I was also nobody’s slave and the world could get along without me; and I needed to co-operate with the old body if it was going to serve my purposes. There are 3 million people and more in this country with no work, why should I hog it all and kill myself in the process? The little word No has been very useful in expressing my new priorities.
Hi girls. I too struggling with the idea of going back to work. I’ve had chemo, Mx and am finishing rads next Tuesday. We’re going on a holiday just down to the coast for a few weeks and I feel that I ought to be going back to work after that but just don’t feel ready. Aside from that I still have neuropathy in my fingers and as I’m a podiatrist that’s not a good thing at all. I have my own business which is being run without me and have an income replacement policy so it’s just my own guilty feelings pressurising me back to work.
Polly xx
Im going to book another 4 weeks off and see if im ready to return on a returned phase, you are all so right that we need a rest and i still havent adjusted to my body physically never mind emotionally.
Ive had a bit of an issue with clothes so i have been on one big spend which made me feel a little better.
Hymil, you are so spot on with your words, and my employers are great so that takes a load off my mind. As for the tamox… gggggrrrrrr
Janey, YES work can b***** wait.
I think a couple of days away is what i need as i havent stopped cleaning, gardening and ironing!
GIJaneH Your comments made me giggle
Nottsgal I will def not be doing the hours that i used to, i honestly dont think that i could cope anyway.
Pollypocket, i dont know when i’ll be ready to go back to work but im going to wait until my body and mind tells me so. Hope you have a lovely break and i know what you mean about the feeling guilty.
I think we probably feel guilty being off but still able to go out. I know in the past I’ve only ever been off work if I’ve had stomach upsets / flu (chicken pox when I was 30!) that have kept me in the house. The guilty feeling didn’t go when I went back to work on a limited number of 5 hour days per week. But I think it’s better to recognise that I’m too tired to do full time than throw myself back in and be off sick again within months. I also want to be kind to my body and mind that both need a bit of downtime each day after all the treatments (not sure where the ‘treat’ comes in).
I know what you mean about clothes, Michelle, I went and bought a whole load of tops that come up to the neck. And I’m not going back to the long hours if I can help it. I’m trying to learn the art of saying no - or just not getting non-urgent things done. One thing you might like to consider while you’re off is a residential course at Penny Brohn centre in Bristol. I went on a 2-day Living Well course and it was like going to an oasis of relaxation as well as teaching useful things, like how stress can contribute to cancer.
Guilt about being off - so true! I can still remember being traumatised as a young teen the first time I had to stay off for something non-infectious, can’t recall what but mum dragged me off to the shops :(( and I was terrified I would be seen and done for bunking off school when I should have been ill and in bed - until she pointed out they should all be in school too, so would be in no position to sneak on us! It’s because our common childhoood illnesses are mostly all infectious stay-at-home-in-bed affairs but of course all this is so different. Just because you can stay on your feet for one trolley-dash round of Sainsbury’s doesn’t make you fit for work, whatever the DWP thinks!
Tip: borrow a baby, or take a suitcase with you; the brain can cope with the “joys” of maternity leave (it’s still work, just a different set of responsibilities) and the permitted freedom of going on holidays when everyone else has to work!
It does take some getting your head round it, when you have your first major “adult” illness, I still feel guilty sitting in the doctors waiting room surrounded by all these ill people, and there’s me looking the picture of health [yeah, well, with my clothes on …] Best laugh was when the lymphoedema clinic was sharing with the ante-natal girls and the midwife comes out looking for her next patient, looks at me a bit uncertainly … I didn’t have the
LE sleeve yet and I’m just on the borders of Can’t possibly be preg’ at her age… poor midwife’s face was a picture! Thank heavens I didn’t have 19yr daughter with me that day!!!
I am now 4 weeks post op following a mastectomy. I’ve had problems with seromas and a wound infection but am now starting to recover physically. Outwardly I’m making a ‘good’ recovery but inside I have all these emotions trying to process what I have been through. Yesterday out of the blue I just sobbed and sobbed…I was in the bath at the time!!
I guess I’ve got to start thinking about going back to work but know that emotionally I am nowhere near ready and to be honest it scares me…I feel emotionally fragile right now and confidence is not high. My sick note runs out at the end of next week and I have made my mind up to ask for at least another month off.
I am also finding it difficult to decide when to return to work . I had WHE and x7 ln removed in November, then a MTX later that month as excision incomplete. I started chemo in December and should finish on April 4h. I normally work full time in NHS, and I’m planning on returning after 6 weeks with a phased return over 12 weeks, starting with 2 mornings for 2 weeks. I have great fears that I will not cope, any advice fron anyone who has been there?
saw your post…i feel exactly the same and have fears that i won’t be able to cope when i’m back at work. It has been all I can do to get through each day…my concentration and ability to retain information seems to have deserted me these last few weeks! I spoke to my consultant about returning to work and she felt that I needed a few months off to recover…not sure I’ll take that long though…I’m on full pay at the moment but it will go down to half pay at the end of April so there’s a bit of financial pressure to return.
your a week in front of me with mx op. physio women said to me on monday 4-6 weeks until mx site healed. but upto 12 months before all settled down properly, tissue still healing, nerves still healing/settling etc. so i would say you definitly need a note for another month at least. i’ve put one in for 2 months starting last week. i can’t get arm over head yet at all, my shoulder is sitting forward and i’ve some other exercises to start doing along with others. the site is still really sore. i asked if this was normal as i thought it should be feeling better, thats when she said about the healing process. as for emotional healing well theres no time limit that can be put on that.
i am dreading going back to work to be honest. it scares me too and like you my confidence has done one! i havent even been fitted with my prosthesis yet so i will need to feel confident with that. i am not sure if it will give more confidence or less at the moment.
i’m having my prosthesis fitted next week…i think…the problem is that the wound site is really sensitive and i can’t tolerate wearing a bra for longer than an hour or so, so might postpone this fitting. I’ll see how i feel nearer the time.
mine is really sensitive too not just the scar but around it. its numb but sore (how does that work). anyway physio has said that because it has become really sensitive, she called it hypersensitivity thats set in, i have got to massage it every day for a little while. its because the nerves has all be severed basically and they have to re-educate themselves to senses apparantly. she said to use a clean blusher brush on site, cold flannel and warm flannel, massage with sponge etc, so it gets desensitised. it really difficult when its so sore. i find i am better coverng a larger area than a small area if you know what i mean. further out from site all round edges just feels like ive been ten rounds with someone. i am having physio every week at moment to help. had 2 sessions so far.
I haven’t seen a physio…i was handed a breast exercise leaflet by the physio assistant before my op and haven’t seen her since. I’m going to ask the BCN next week at my fitting if I can see one though as i need advice. Like you the whole area is hypersensitive, especially to cold but I’m massaging everyday…i’ll do what you’ve been advised and try warm and cold flannels as well…i know what you mean about being numb and sore…it doesn’t make sense but that’s what you feel
i am having my physio at hospital. she comes to breast clinic once a week for a morning. just ask your bcn if you have one there, there must be surely. it was surgeon who had a look at my scar a week after op, and asked to see how i could move my arm/shoulder and said to bcn that it would be good idea to see physio. i got leaflet as well, i had been doing some of the exercises slightly wrong, but she went through them on leaflet but also gave me some new ones specifically to help me where i have lack of movement/stiffness. when she massage mine in one area first week it actually made me want to be sick it felt that horrible. they are sensations you cant explain to people who havent had it done.
you dont realise how much movement/stiffness you have until you compare how you can move your good arm.
sending you my best wishes and hope you have some improvement soon.
Dear Elsa, Ruth and TTM
Just seen your posts and sounds just like me.
Had mx and immed recon with implant end Jan and lucky enough not to need rads or chemo. Had a haematoma whilst in recovery that required another operation within 24 hrs which did not help and main physical issue at the moment is sensitivity as the nerves knit back, am now on meds to help but will try TTm’s tips as well though my Surgeon has said that he doubts any massage will help at the moment…
Been off work since the 20 th Dec following my SLNB and various dental issues then the mx. Current sick note to 30th March but likely to be extended to after Easter on latest advice from Surgeon. Work have been very supportive but feel very guilty at length of time I have been off and I certain,y don’t feel ready yet, physically or emotionally. I held it together after dx and was so strong but now find myself a lot more emotional, not helped by being so lopsided whilst I wait for the implant to be filled and get my good side reduced to match, that will require more time off work later this year so more guilt… My job requires a lot of international travel which also does not help.
Hopefully things will improve over the next couple of weeks.
Best wishes to you all, and anyone else in a similar position.
L xx
Hi …just read L’s post and was wondering if medication has helped or not as I am considering this option if things don’t improve. I’ve been off since the beginning of January as I had a WLE and SNB then went on to have my mastectomy in the middle of Feb. I just want to be able to look outwardly normal and feel that this sensitivity issue is preventing that at the moment
…] Best laugh was when the lymphoedema clinic was sharing with the ante-natal girls and the midwife comes out looking for her next patient, looks at me a bit uncertainly … I didn’t have the