Thank you so much.
The blog URL is in my profile on here.
Hi everyone
Reg - good to hear from you.
Jansman, a blog eh? Wow, you’re really working on your coping strategy and of course, writing it all down is very cathartic. It’s great that you’ve found so much support here and I hope things continue to go well for you and your wife, it’s always uplifting to hear of things going well.
I’m sure we’d all love to ‘meet’ your wife (I do hope she’s doing well and hope she’ll feel able to come and ‘meet’ a few new friends/swap notes/pick brains etc). It would be valuable to hear her thoughts and, obviously, to be able to offer her the same friendly support that you’ve found - you both so deserve it.
Lots of love to everyone. Cathy x
Hi all again, Lindamac
Yes, that’s how it was for me: I started out fighting, this isn’t going to beat me, I won’t let this get me down, I can be sexy, life is all about meeting the challenges, etc. etc. and then somewhere along the line I realised it really wasn’t working for me and my world had actually blown apart in every way, like a direct hit from a bomb. And here I am still trying to work it out, and like you say Cathy, the only way out is through, and when you’re in it it is kind of hard to know if you’re getting any nearer the end…
And jansman, my thoughts exactly on sex - and I would think most people’s to be honest - absolutely. Which brings me back again to the damn patronizing leaflets etc - which, for example, give us permission to masturbate (sorry, but they do) - like as if that is a substitute for what we’ve lost, like that is the point of doing sex. You put it so clear when you say you’d give that a 3, and the other stuff 10. They are in one breath insisting nothing has changed for us,(denial denial denial) and then telling us to go off and fix ourselves as though that’s good enough; or, we’ve lost a breast and they are talking about vibrators…oh I’ve gone off again…Oh god. I just want to tell them from now on wheneve they have sex they have to keep their tops on (or their partner’s) - no looking no touching - and that will give them an idea how it is for us. If they needed one. Since they are so short on imagination. Oh God.
sno
Hi Cathy. Thank you for asking after Janet - she is well, although having some aches and pains from chest and axilla, and we are both very optimistic about the future. There isn’t a calculator for my own life expectancy (as far as I know), but I’m pretty sure that after the various treatments she is to have (even horrible as they are), she is very likely to have to attend my own funeral one day, which I hope will be a long time away!
I have mentioned the forums to her before, and again today, but she is not really into this kind of thing. She is so together, and also so well supported by friends, that it isn’t a problem for her, and she seems happy for me to be the “bringer of knowledge”. Don’t get me wrong, she is no wilting flower and certainly not submissive, but we seem to have fallen into particular roles in this, which are quite complementary, which is nice.
Sno, I hesitate to say anything now as I probably have no right. I have never had breasts myself (although, my son would disagree with me on that) and have never gone through the diabolical experience that you ladies here have all gone (or are going) through, so I really don’t know what I’m talking about. You seem to be in such a dark place right now, and it must seem so bleak for you.
[I have completely edited this post because I wrote personal things and started pontificating about things I really don’t know anything about and have no right to talk about without first consulting my wife. Sorry about that.]
Sno, as you said, you have been violated and disabled compared to what you had before, and I think you are probably right that the leaflets don’t go far enough in acknowledging that fact before they talk about how to start enjoying this side of life again. You are angry about what has happened to you and you have every right to be - it really is awful.
I really hope you can get through to some kind of acceptance of what you have lost so that you can both start to learn how to have mutual pleasure in spite of it. It’s not easy, its going to take time, and there will be frustrations a-plenty, but by god it’s got to be worth it. It would be good I think to try to enjoy the journey rather than focussing totally on the end point, though I know that probably sounds trite right now.
Love & hugs to all, you really deserve them.