Hi
So I had a lumpectomy December, radiotherapy May. Tamoxifen for 5 years and the whole thing has been horrendous. I’m still recovering physically and I see a therapist fortnightly. I’ve been off work since my diagnosis September and don’t know what to do.
I work in a hospital setting visiting patients on the wards and hopefully get them discharged with either carers or other services. Some of my role in particular is visiting cancer patients end of life so it’s been a tough journey for me having now experienced breast cancer. Work have been supportive and I’m trying to work out in my head if I can ever do that job again. My own medical trauma has been hard enough without listening to other peoples. Even without the cancer patients, any patient experiences a medical trauma and it’s up to me to speak and listen to it without it triggering me. I feel so lost and lonely. I’m on zero pay shortly and need to think of a work plan going forward. I can’t even imagine turning on my laptop again never mind the thousands of emails 
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Sorry to hear that you are struggling with return to work. Is there a chance of you stay in health but changing your roll? I would try to schedule a meeting with your manager to talk through options.
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I worked in a school for 20 years and with the side effects of treatment and ongoing aromatase inhibitors, I decided returning to teach was not on the cards. I couldn’t do my job justice with brain fog, forgetting words, loosing myself mid sentence etc. I also felt that I had less empathy with others and would be less tolerant on behaviour etc. I had active treatment for 15 months including chemo/herceptin and nearly 3 years later I’m due for my last bone infusion in September but still have 2 1/2 years of aromatase inhibitors ( hormone blockers) with all their side effects. I was able to take redundancy and my pension (albeit small) without any reduction as I was over 55.
I think after a cancer diagnosis we all have to do what is right for us. I have heard on the forum and met many people who have successfully returned to work, others who struggled and gave up and those who chose not to continue. It is such an individual thing. For my job when I would have returned I would have had to be ‘full speed’ straightaway and I knew that wasn’t happening. You can get an Occupational Health referral and discuss what you think is possible and you can have a staggered returned to work. Having a cancer diagnosis means you are now ‘disabled’ and your employer ‘should’ make reasonable adjustments. If they don’t they have to prove why they can’t.
There is a great charity that can help you and your employer https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/ as well as Returning to work after cancer | Support and resources | Macmillan Cancer Support
While off work you can apply for Employment and Support Allowance once your statutory sick pay has finished, your employer should have sent you a form. Employment and Support Allowance (ESA): Overview - GOV.UK It’s not a lot but it helps. You may also be eligible for PIP if you struggle with day to day living. Personal Independence Payment (PIP): What PIP is for - GOV.UK MacMillan and Benefits - Citizens Advice can advise what you may be eligible for.
I hope you can get some help and guidance of what is best for you going forward.
Take care and keep sharing.
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Please bear in mind possible rarer side effects of tamoxifen is depression and anxiety. It may be worth exploring with your therapist if this is maybe true for you.
Also book in with HR and ask for a transfer to a role which will be less triggering for you. In a huge hospital trust there must be options.
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