Hi
So I had a lumpectomy December, radiotherapy May. Tamoxifen for 5 years and the whole thing has been horrendous. I’m still recovering physically and I see a therapist fortnightly. I’ve been off work since my diagnosis September and don’t know what to do.
I work in a hospital setting visiting patients on the wards and hopefully get them discharged with either carers or other services. Some of my role in particular is visiting cancer patients end of life so it’s been a tough journey for me having now experienced breast cancer. Work have been supportive and I’m trying to work out in my head if I can ever do that job again. My own medical trauma has been hard enough without listening to other peoples. Even without the cancer patients, any patient experiences a medical trauma and it’s up to me to speak and listen to it without it triggering me. I feel so lost and lonely. I’m on zero pay shortly and need to think of a work plan going forward. I can’t even imagine turning on my laptop again never mind the thousands of emails 
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Sorry to hear that you are struggling with return to work. Is there a chance of you stay in health but changing your roll? I would try to schedule a meeting with your manager to talk through options.
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I worked in a school for 20 years and with the side effects of treatment and ongoing aromatase inhibitors, I decided returning to teach was not on the cards. I couldn’t do my job justice with brain fog, forgetting words, loosing myself mid sentence etc. I also felt that I had less empathy with others and would be less tolerant on behaviour etc. I had active treatment for 15 months including chemo/herceptin and nearly 3 years later I’m due for my last bone infusion in September but still have 2 1/2 years of aromatase inhibitors ( hormone blockers) with all their side effects. I was able to take redundancy and my pension (albeit small) without any reduction as I was over 55.
I think after a cancer diagnosis we all have to do what is right for us. I have heard on the forum and met many people who have successfully returned to work, others who struggled and gave up and those who chose not to continue. It is such an individual thing. For my job when I would have returned I would have had to be ‘full speed’ straightaway and I knew that wasn’t happening. You can get an Occupational Health referral and discuss what you think is possible and you can have a staggered returned to work. Having a cancer diagnosis means you are now ‘disabled’ and your employer ‘should’ make reasonable adjustments. If they don’t they have to prove why they can’t.
There is a great charity that can help you and your employer https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/ as well as Returning to work after cancer | Support and resources | Macmillan Cancer Support
While off work you can apply for Employment and Support Allowance once your statutory sick pay has finished, your employer should have sent you a form. Employment and Support Allowance (ESA): Overview - GOV.UK It’s not a lot but it helps. You may also be eligible for PIP if you struggle with day to day living. Personal Independence Payment (PIP): What PIP is for - GOV.UK MacMillan and Benefits - Citizens Advice can advise what you may be eligible for.
I hope you can get some help and guidance of what is best for you going forward.
Take care and keep sharing.
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Please bear in mind possible rarer side effects of tamoxifen is depression and anxiety. It may be worth exploring with your therapist if this is maybe true for you.
Also book in with HR and ask for a transfer to a role which will be less triggering for you. In a huge hospital trust there must be options.
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Hi @dawneylou
Might it be an option to discuss with your therapist the triggers and see if they might be able to help you with them if you wanted - just a suggestion. Hope you can find something that works for you though as the pressure of needing to work but not being comfortable or happy with the current situation is an awful place to be.
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I’m a a Nurse working in the NHS in post - anaesthesia care . I was off from the middle of November 21 to the end of July 22 though COVID was responsible for the last three weeks of that . I have to say that my HR Dept and Dept Managers were really good - it did help that I had already reduced my hours and band following a retinal vein occlusion. a couple of years previously . I’m actually much happier working as a Band 5 than I was as a Band 6 .
I’ve found that my personal experience with cancer has been helpful in some ways - I can empathise more , I think I’m a more understanding listener and even if I don’t always know what to say I do know what not to say . Over empathising can be a bit problematical at times .
In our job you have to be able to give and it doesn’t sound as though you’re in that place yet .Can you arrange a meeting to discuss your concerns ? It sounds like you work largely alone but maybe on what should be a phased return you could shadow someone for a while . I remember after my Mum died I felt that I couldn’t face my colleagues or work - I really don’t know why but my confidence was at rock bottom and I just went in and had a chat with a few people then a cup of tea in our break room and that helped .
There might be other options you could consider like changing your role ( even temporarily ) reducing your hours / band etc. They may also allow you to do a virtual return before going back physically which would allow you to catch up with online training / new policies / important emails etc. first without having to combine it with clinical . It sounds as though you are a highly skilled experienced practitioner and I think they will want to help you get back into work so they should be able to give you some leeway and I’m sure you know that you are covered by the Disabilities Act so you are entitled to reasonable adjustments . If you have a good Union Rep get them to accompany you to meetings . If it makes you feel any better about how you’re doing I cried the whole way through my first meeting with my Manager and HR Rep after my breast cancer .
You could also ask your Manager or HR Rep. to contact Payroll on your behalf or facilitate you doing it yourself in order to find out exactly where you stand financially . I have heard that between half pay and zero pay there are bridging payments that can be claimed and may help with the transition . Once you have that information call the Employment helpline at MacMillan as there may be benefits that you can claim .
As well as your therapy you can look into doing the Moving Forwards course which I found helpful . After active treatment finishes there’s a kind of feeling that you should be ok now and I wasn’t and it helped me to realise that actually none of us on that course were at that point . Working through the resources online which I did whilst still off sick but in contact with my Manager gave me the chance to start to process everything and I was in a better place mentally at the end of the course .If it’s a face to face course you may meet people who live locally that can support you . I have joined a support group , I wasn’t sure about it at first but it is helpful and we don’t spend all our time talking about cancer . It can take a long time to recover from experiences such you have had - you want to be the person you were before but you have to find a way to a new normal .
Sending lots of love xx
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Another thought - I’m not sure how old you are but if you work in the NHS and you’re in the pension scheme it may be possible for you to take your pension then later when you’re ready return to work on reduced hours or band and you would be allowed to rejoin the pension scheme . In 2019 I took my pension and went back to work at 16 hours as Band 5 . I think it was 2023 when the rules changed to allow staff who had retired to rejoin the latest version of the pension scheme . If you have a Pensions Officer then speak to them otherwise the NHS Pensions Advice line are also helpful . Xx
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I can see that you have issues with your particular work, but I would just say that after I had very similar treatment to yours (which was a long time ago now) and was off work for about 6 months, the day I went back to work I cried with relief because it was so good to do something normal again. So I think it can be helpful to go back to work (but obviously not if it’s going to be horribly stressful). Be positive, good luck xx
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