Sad after my mum's mx

My mum had her masetectomy yesterday but for the last few days I felt really calm and was coping ok. I think it’s because she was. Then today I spoke to her and she’s in quite a lot of pain with her wound, and has been sick. For some reason this the full impact of what has happened has now hit me - a day later. Now feel incredibly sad and worried about what may happen now and hoping and praying this will be the end of it, at least as far as surgery goes. I hate to think of her so fragile and in so much pain. I guess as a child you never imagine your mother will be so poorly with something life threatening. I can’t get my head around the breast being gone either, although I know it’s what needed to be done. It’s just hard to deal with.

Hi Rainbow,

I would say that in some ways it is easier to be ill than to watch someone you love going through it. If you have breast cancer, on the whole you just get on and deal with it, you are doing everything you can to rid yourself of it. But those that love you feel powerless.

As a mum, the most difficult thing to do when I was first diagnosed was to tell my sons (age 21 & 23) because I had watched my mum deal with a brain tumour and knew how difficult it would be for them. I am sure that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and that you will experience lots of emotions in the coming months.

Take the lead from your mum, be brave when she is, have a cry with her when she wants one, and listen to her. Don’t do as my Dad did and tell her - ‘this is all harder for me than it is for you’! I know that he meant that I was dealing/coping with it better than him, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. :slight_smile:

Once your mum has decided whether she will have reconstruction or been fitted with a prosthesis, you won’t even notice that her breast is gone. I tell myself how lucky I am that I losing a breast and not a hand/eye/ear, I have breast fed two babies and for me it had done its job.

Take care of yourself and try not to worry too much about your mum … we mums are a resiliant bunch!

Jacqui x

Dear overtherainbow

If you feel it would help to talk things through with someone in confidence please do call our helpline where you can have a chat to one of the team who are there for you, 0808 800 6000 weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2.

Take care

Thank you Lucy I think I will give them a ring. I don’t mean to keep on I just feel so upset about it all. I don’t live near my mum which makes it harder. Going to see her next week…so worried