Hi, a couple of days ago I was having a really bad day and phoned the Samaritans and I told him that I had breast cancer, that I’d had a mastectomy, that I got an anaphylactic reaction both times they tried to give me chemotherapy and that they won’t give me any more. I also stated that I was considered borderline for radiotherapy but they won’t give me that either. His response was do you actually have a cancer diagnosis? At this point I swore at him and hung up. Not a great reaction but I was at the end of my tether.
What I’m wondering is whether I should complain about him, I have his name.
Now I have no-one to turn to, not even a helpline. I am still really close to my ex partner but he cuts me off if I try to talk to him. For example a few weeks ago I was upset but I never told him but when he came round he could tell that I’d been crying, so he said he needed some space and wouldn’t speak to me for a week. This is a very complex relationship which I’d rather not get into.
@rubywednesday im so sorry you have had to deal with this interaction with the Samaritans. It’s not what I would have expected from them.
If it was me I would complain because they won’t know what was said otherwise.
It might be helpful to call the BCN nurses Helpline: 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm). Speak to our trained helpline team. No questions are too big or too small or MacMillan as they will have people who understand what it is like to have a cancer diagnosis. Obviously they are not available until tomorrow. If you need to speak to someone tonight, maybe you could call the Samaritans again and get another person. Although I can understand why you might want to.
I’m also wondering if you have a Maggie’s at your local hospital, you can pop in for a chat or get counselling.
Hi @rubywednesday , I’m so sorry you feel
so low I just wanted to say there’s lots of support here and people to talk to who do understand . Sometimes the people closest to us are not the best people to help they can withdraw and put a wall up as they really don’t want to think about what’s going on for you , hurtful but it’s often a protection mechanism for them. I’m sorry you had such a disappointing response from Samaritans .
I’m so sad to hear that understandably, things feel so tough right now.
I wonder whether the Samaritan volunteer was just trying to gather information about your situation, so they knew how best to support you. It’s very likely that they would not be familiar with the process of diagnosis and treatment. I actually couldn’t see anything wrong or offensive about their question, but am aware that we can feel highly sensitive at this horrendous time, and I know that for me, what felt like the “wrong” question, at the wrong time could feel dreadful.
If you feel you could do with their support, maybe try calling again as you would get through to a different volunteer who you may find a rapport with. You could of course end the call if you wanted to, but as @Jill1998 has said, sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone you don’t know, as well as having support from friends and family.
Hi ruby Wednesday. I’m sorry you are going through this but I don’t think it’s fair on the Samaritans person to complain. Many people I know who have even had cancer themselves don’t understand what stage 4 cancer is and the implications. This volunteer may be very young and inexperienced. They may be more used to people worried that they have cancer rather than someone like you.
A cancer helpline may be more suited to your needs.
