My partner of nearly 30 years has recently been diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer. We are awaiting further MRI tests to accurately determine size, whether there are other tumours and to get an idea as to whether it has gone to the lymph nodes. She has a close family history of BC so this is not a total surprise to either of us, but it is a big shock as we were told that at her age she was on the normal statistical curve for risk.
I am finding it hard to get information aimed at lesbian couples - so not so much the practical and medical stuff, I think that is the same whatever gender, but on the psychological and relationship side of things. We are talking and sharing OK so far, although I think we are both trying to be reasonably strong for the other. I would be very grateful to talk with other same sex partners in this situation, in particular about how to best support my partner through this, and also how to get my head around the idea of a double mastectomy, which is what my partner wants. I absolutely do not want to stand in her way if the consultant agrees it is a sensible way forward, but I am a little surprised how emotional I feel about it given I can totally see her logic.
Thank you for posting. We’re sorry to read about your partner’s diagnosis.
If you would like further information about her diagnosis, treatment, or just need a listening ear, you can call our specialist nurses for support on 0808 800 6000. They are available between 9am-4pm Mondays to Friday and Saturdays from 9am-1pm.
My name is Tara, I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in March. I have had a therapeutic mamoplasty ( a lumpectomy with an uplift) in April and are due my final round of chemo on Thursday. I will then have radiotherapy and an uplift to the good side.
I myself am not gay I am married though and have 2 children. My Mum was married to a lady that unfortunately died of a brain bleed at the age of 58 in July last year. They had a relationship for 10 years.
I read your post and did not want to pass without giving sharing my experiences. I hope you don’t mind? I feel that there are similarities even though I am not in a same sex relationship.
When I was diagnosed I straight away told the surgeon that I wanted both my breasts taken off. I too have a family history of breast cancer, my Nan passed away 26 years ago. As you can imagine I panicked and thought this was my best option. To my horror I sat there with the surgeon strongly recommending the therapeutic mammoplasty procedure. He also suggested I have a gene test. I totally agreed to the gene test, but could not understand why he was reluctant to give me the mastectomy. I was 36 when diagnosed and kept thinking I want to be here for my children not have nice looking breasts with a short life span. Thankfully I took my husband to the appointment with me an he was my ears. He heard the reasons why the surgeon was recommending the procedure he did. Yes I had an aggressive form of cancer, but as it had been caught early and they did not think it had spread to nodes the statistics were just as good for the mammoplasty as the mastectomy. What I would say is keep talking to one another, you may have to be the ears at appointments as if your partner is anything like me I was dismissing anything that I did not want to hear. I wanted a mastectomy and that was all I wanted at that time. After talking things through with my husband over the weekend and listening to someone I love taking into account what the doctor had to say I could see more clearly what was being explained to me.
My surgeon was happy to go with my choice and even now after having a negative gene test and a therapeutic mammoplasty he is still willing to do a mastectomy if that is what I want and will make me feel more secure in knowing the cancer might not return.
I did have clear nodes and margins and have finished my final round of 6 chemotherapy cycles today. This can be beaten!
I wish you both all the luck in the world. Keep talking and being there for your partner and together the right decisions will be made.
I’m sorry I missed your post from Sept. I’ve been off the forum for a few months, otherwise I’d have answered
I am a fellow gay woman. Had mastectomies to both boobs 2006 and 07.
I wondered how your partner went on with her treatments? How you both are?
I have to agree with ttyler - I don’t really see what the difference is, whether your hetero or gay, the support is the same. Actually, without wanting to sound sexist, you’d think a female partner would be “likely” to be MORE supportive. But then, I’ve heard of PLENTY of husbands or male partners being fantastically supportive. Also of some who haven’t, and struggle with their partners changes to the point of splitting up, which must be very upsetting for their female partner!
Some women have a hard time coming to terms with no boobs, whereas others don’t.
There’s always reconstruction, if your partner’s struggling with none, if she hasn’t already by now.
Personally, after two mastectomies, I was one of the women who didn’t want to be without boobs, that it DID bother. I really missed them, basically. I was also still single, and didn’t want to get back on the dating horse “without” boobs either, so opted for delayed reconstruction.
You didn’t say WHY or WHAT aspects of it all, you were feeling upset about.
Anyway - I hope all’s well with both of you, whatever decisions your partner arrived at.
