I first went to my GP about a lump I had discovered about 3 and a half weeks ago. Things have moved very quickly from ‘it’s probably just a cyst’ to ‘stage 2 invasive lobular cancer, but it doesn’t appear to have spread to the lymph nodes’ and now on to ‘it is definitely in the lymph nodes, we don’t know if it has spread further’. That was the verdict today. It just feels as if at every appointment the news gets worse. I was coping really well at first, even up until this afternoon. Now, all I can think about is what if it has spread. I have a CT scan tomorrow to see and I should know by next Thursday. If everything is ok I have surgery booked for the 6th. I’m not sure I can last that long! I just feel overwhelmed with panic. I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is other than to vent to be honest!
Hi
There’s nothing wrong with a good rant and you’ve found a safe place for it. Rant away at the injustice of it all and the apparent speed with which your diagnosis is changing. You will find plenty of support. But I’m really sorry you too have ended up here. You are in good company though and the nurses’ helpline is brilliant if you need something explained or need to offload.
I had the same experience. I had 4 diagnoses in 4 weeks, starting with my GP and my breast surgeon saying I had nothing to worry about. I even had a clear ultrasound and I’d had a clear mammogram 6 months earlier. This rapid change in thinking is driven by each test they do and what data they extract from it - and sometimes they are surprised. My breast surgeon told me he was very surprised but, when he did my mastectomy and axillary node clearance, along came a 5th diagnosis! My current oncologist was very surprised at my more recent diagnosis - all I said was “I wasn’t expecting that” which was a big improvement on two years earlier when I just said “f***”.
The development in your diagnosis is a good thing, though it won’t feel like it. It means you will get the right treatment plan for your specific condition. You are very fortunate they are in a position to move things along quickly. I transferred from private to NHS for chemotherapy and I had to wait 89 days (NICE says treatment must start within 90 days, so I started chemo on the Christmas Eve!!).
Meantime, there are things you can do in the coming days to reduce your level of anxiety and avoid panic. What do you usually do to maintain good emotional health? Socialise? Meditate? People use mindfulness, yoga, running, baking, medication from your GP - there are lots of alternatives and you’ll know the one that suits you best. Take it very seriously. Practise. There are apps that are NHS approved like Calm and Headspace. If you have any opportunities, take yourself away from the cancer. I found meditation videos on YouTube I could plug into and I was away with the fairies within minutes. The best for me is Progressive Hypnosis’s Cure Anxiety. It’s no cure but it definitely helps me.
You might also think about how much information, how much data and how many statistics you can handle. Personally, knowing was going to make no difference to my breast cancer but would cause me a lot of panic (something I’ve experienced all my life) so I decided to ask as few questions as necessary. Others need all the data and stats in order to feel informed and in control of their treatment. The fact is, we’re all different and what works for one may not suit another. But it’s an important decision that can make a big difference to how you handle what lies ahead. Don’t worry about the treatments yet - you have the surgery to get through first (not that awful, just awkward and, for some, painful). What I can say is that it is all manageable and your team will do everything they can to make it as easy as possible for you.
I wish you all the best in what lies ahead. Remember, it’s all doable. And as a last note, please do NOT google anything. It can be disastrous, as many of us have discovered. What does Google know of your actual condition, what does it care about your emotional reactions? Sweet nothing! Take care. Get relaxing and meditating….
Jan xx