Scared and Terrifed

Hi all,
I have my surgery on Saturday! So nervous! Its the what ifs, it is driving me insane :sob:
Lumpectomy and SNB! However the surgeon said it could all change!

I had my first mammogram and they found an 8mm grade 2 IDC, and 25mm of high grade DCIS - I dont think its sunk in yet! I feel like I am living in a paralell universe!

So worried for my kids :disappointed:

3 Likes

I know exactly how you’re feeling. Feeling like a bad dream. I went through the same. Found a lump in march. Had lumpectomy and SNB. All went well. Im hoping the same for you lovely. Somehow we do try to find the strength to face things. Just try to stay positive is the best advice i can give. It is a very scary time but out of your control so hopefully you will get the best outcome. There’s always someone on here to talk to. Wishing you all the best. Xxx

3 Likes

I can totally relate, last November my mammogram found an 8mm IDC and at the end of January I had a lumpectomy and SLNB. Thankfully results were clear edges and nothing in lymph nodes. I then had 5days of RT and am now on Letrozole. No it isn’t an easy road and yes you have every right to be scared witless about the unknown. I don’t think anybody who hasn’t been through this ever understands what you are going through and although family and friends may support you they don’t truly understand why you are happily walking round the supermarket filling your trolley and suddenly stop and break down into uncontrollable sobs with everyone looking at you in horror. It’s all perfectly normal. I can promise you that you will get through this, we all understand where you are coming from and we are all here to listen and hold your hand. Please let the many wonderful people here be with you and support you, nothing is too silly to say, nothing is new to any of us and everything you are going through is understood by us all. Please continue to post and please let us know how you are. xx

5 Likes

Dear Sozboz,

Welcome to the club, the one you didn’t want to part of. I can see you have had some excellent advice from our lovely friends on this site, so can’t really add any more.

I would like to wish you lots of luck for Saturday with health and happiness going forward.

Take good care of yourself with lots of rest and good food. With the biggest hugs

Tili :pray::rainbow::pray::rainbow:

3 Likes

Dear @sozboz.

Surgery is scary if you’ve never had it before. I hadn’t ever had an op before my lumpectomy and slnd, so was terrified. I hugged my kids extra hard before I left. At the hospital i was tearful and shakey. Tell the anaesthetist you are scared, and they will give you a sedative too.

In actual fact, all 3 of my recent surgeries have gone really well and I actually quite enjoyed the going to sleep and waking up part. I had groovy dreams and felt really proud afterwards. The team at the hospital were so kind and I was home for teatime.

I’m a totally hospital phobic but honestly, it has been virtually pain free and you will be looked after so well. Good luck and let us know how it goes x

2 Likes

I send you a big hug. Praying everything will go ok on Saturday and afterward.
As it’s been said before, lots of great advice for you.
I’m still waiting for results but I feel the strength and support from this group of amazing women.
Enjoy every day and you are doing great.

3 Likes

Hi
Wishing you all the best for Saturday. It is one year today since I first went to my GP with a ‘dent’ and looking back now I see how much I have learned and that I did cope and move forward :joy: I thought would share my story, not to scare you, but to show that even though there me be lots of info/decisions and it seems overwhelming, you will get through it. Feel free to stop reading now though if you think too much info at this stage.
So mammogram showed one tumour, ultrasound found another. Therapeutic mammoplasty and SLNB. So removal of lumps and reduction of healthy breast due to the 2 lumps leaving a big space! Never stayed in hospital and prior to surgery over 20 years without a day off sick. So scary times. I had a brilliant anaesthetic team, I was really nervous and one of them said smile before you go to sleep and you will wake up smiling. It broke the tension and relaxed me. Good advice! Anyway, will not bore you with all the details, safe to safe lots of waiting for various results but got to a point where clear CT and MR, clear margins and lymph nodes and oncotest scores that showed no benefit for Chemo. So 5 sessions of radiotherapy and 4 boost/targeted sessions. Now on Exemestane as hormone positive and monthly Zoladex but about to switch to 3 monthly leuprorelin (stop ovaries) and due to age only 4 to go. Also have 6 monthly Zometa (bisphosphonate) to try and stop any recurrence in bones.
I am living life to the full and give thanks every day that I was lucky and for now (and hopefully for the future) cancer has gone. Yes, some side effects from tablets and some ‘emotional’ effects but small price to pay
Two things I would advise is plan so you can minimise the impact treatment has and just go with what your body tells you. Get a year planner and put appointments/monthly injections (if needed) etc on it. Some will be estimates but it then enables you to plan other things like holidays/seeing friends etc and gives you back some control rather than cancer controlling everything.
Listen to your body and don’t feel bad. Sometimes you need to shout, sometimes you need to cry, some days you need a glass of wine. Everyone’s journey is unique. I went back to work after 5 days because mentally I needed to do that and because desk based and work from home I could. Other people stop working till treatment is finished and everything in between. No right way.
Finally, just a bit of advice. About 2 weeks post surgery I had a fresh bleed. It was at the weekend so couldn’t get hold of BCN, major panic. Turns out it was breakthrough bleeding and quite common and nothing to worry about. Not saying don’t check if it happens, just that sometime things happen which seem horrendous but are actually not as bad as you think
Right, I’ll stop now as this is getting at too long. Good luck on Saturday and with your treatment journey ahead xx

3 Likes

Hello
I had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy three weeks ago. It went well, the hospital experience was efficient and everyone was kind. I had an afternoon slot and was home by 6pm.
My partner took three days off work so I didn’t need to do too much. By the fourth day I felt quite down, not because he’d gone back to work but I think because of the physical effects of the surgery on my body/wellbeing combined with not being active. I’m usually very active, cycling, gym, allotment etc. Also, I was surprised by the extent of swelling and bruising. It seems to change from day to day including a lot of bruising under my breast even though the incision was at the top. I went to the breast care drop in (thankfully close to where I live) last week. She explained this was caused by gravity pulling the blood down, it was helpful to have an explanation. The breast is still changing, its a strange sensation!
I was walking around outside the house on the fourth day but slowly, am now back to a normal walking speed (for me). I noticed that I felt physically fragile in the my breast and worried of people bumping into me. At times I could feel the vibrations from my feet going through to my breast so I bought a super dooper sports bra that holds everything in place so it can’t move. I have found the advice on bras quite confusing and have gone with what works for me - no movement at all if I’m walking the dog etc. A good pair of shock absorbing trainers would probably be good, I have some I use for running but I only do 5k so they’re not that great.

My children are grown up. I have three between the ages of 25 and 30. I told them and they all seemed fairly phlegmatic about it - they all have friends whose mothers have had breast cancer so it seems almost “normal”. I haven’t told my youngest as she’s at uni doing exams so will tell her when she comes home.
I found telling people the hardest part. To me its important to be boundaried with regards who knows and who doesn’t. Its up to me, not anyone else.
I spoke to a friend who’s a recently retired counsellor and described some of my guilt feelings (i had to let people down due to appointments and operation). She rolled her eyes a bit and told me that most of her work was with middle aged women feeling guilty they shouldn’t feel guilty about. Feeling guilty about having cancer!! reject that feeling if it comes up!!

best wishes for your operation

2 Likes

I had a mastectomy and implant, just over 3 months ago. Recovery went well. However I am stil very paranoid about everything. Touching my other boob constantly thinking I feel something. My implant is causing me problems at the moment. Seeing Consultant on Monday, to have it checked. Im hoping my anxiety doesn’t last much longer.

1 Like