Hi Everyone,
Im 39 dx last may, had 4 surgeries, chemo and rads last one on 12 feb. I have started walking 4 miles a day with a neighbour and I,m feeling pretty good.
My work have been very supportive and I have told then that I will come back to work on the 7th Apr. I work in a large office of 500 people. I have suddenly become really scared at the prospect as I have put on weight and my hair is a 1 inch crop ( I always had comments about how nice my hair was ) also I am going to have alot of questions about bc . I dont like dwelling on it and want to move on with my life.
I know that many of you will read this and be thinking that I should be grateful that I am well, and I am. I have never felt comfortable in wigs and have got by in scarfs and hats.
I took my hat off in Tescos yesterday and had a few stares, after 5 minutes I thought I was going to have a panic attack so put my hat back on even though It was really warm.
I dont know what is happening to me as I used to be really confident and positive.
I feel sick when I think about work, But I must go back for financhial reasons. Can anyone offer any advice.
Many thanks and best wishes to you all. Love Andrea xx
Good luck with return to work. Are they talking about a phased return? You are likely still to be fatigued and it would be good to get agreed that you can go home if things get too much for you. Then you could do it for confidence slips as well as if you are feeling physically tired. Just knowing that you could escape would help loads. Try not to worry too much about what other people think - on the whole people are much more focussed on themselves than you, and your appearance will be a five minute wonder. Could you enlist the support of a few friends to protect you from the people you don’t want to talk to?
I was dx Dec 07 but as grade 2 and no node involvement my treatment has been just over 3 months. I am also 39 and due to return 1st April providing my appointment with the breast clinic goes well on the 31st March. Like you I am starting to get quite anxious about the return. I have forced myself to pop in twice and had a quick razz round the office to say hello to everyone. I didnt have chemo so the short hair isnt an issue but I was worried everybody would talk to me trying to guess which size is smaller.
In the end I stayed 30 mins spoke to my direct team gave them a potted history of the last 3 months and waved to everyone else. I am having a phased return of 3 days for two weeks 4 days for two weeks a weeks hols and then back full time providing I’m OK.
My doctor also has me on a low dose of dusolepin as I was having trouble sleeping from day one and he has suggested staying on them until I feel less less anxious and said they may well be taking the edge off the tamoxifen/zoladex stresses too. Not that I am suggesting you go on tablets but perhaps your gp can suggest some councelling or therapy.
Good luck with your return, I’m sure we will be 5 minute wonders, you know what offices are like something will happen the next day and we will be yesterdays news.
Be good to yourself. Love Shonagh
I am sure you are right and nobody will give me a second glance.
I am going in for an hour next week to discuss reduced hours with HR and quickly say hello to everybody. I,m part time anyway and feel a bit cheeky but they suggested it too. Maybe 2 half days. Suggesting I go home if it gets too much is a good idea I,ll talk about this with them also. They know that I,m very nervous. Good luck with going back to work too Custard.
love Andrea xx
I was pretty scared going back as I felt like everyone would look at me differently. In fact they were fantastic, so supportive and made me feel they admired the fact that I had returned. This was quite humbling in fact. I did do reduced hours for a while. One thing which was unnerving was that there were new members of staff who’d been appointed while I was off - and I was away only about 6 weeks!
I worked through radiotherapy but I had a desk job and was able to walk to the hospital where I was treated - I had appointments around 3.45 pm each day for about four weeks
thinking about it was a whole lot worse than doing it
Thanks for that Mole, its really encouraging to hear nice news. I have just got off the phone to an old friend who hasnt bothered to even visit in the last 3 months and it made me realise I am so not on anyones priority list so once that first phone call from a complaining customer is out of the way it will be back to the real world with a bump.
Hi Shonagh,
I work in customer services in a call centre and take lots of complaining calls all day, . I think the temptation to shout ( GET A LIFE! ) or be rude back will be even greater than ever before. Dont you think. Ha Ha.
I always say that if I ever win the lottery I will come to work for 1 day and be so rude to customers that I would be escorted off the premises.
Hi Andrea
Yes I think Cryst is right that most people are more interested in themselves but not entirely. I have hated being off work, I am only work 3 days though. I am going back to work in a couple of weeks(end of Easter break) at which time will I be only two sessions into rads. having asked for late sessions (4.30 most days), I have been off since Jan. I had a couple of ops and Like Shonagh no chemo. I have been in to wk a couple of afternoons so see students many of the older ones know why I have been away, decided there was no reason for them not to know once I had got my head around it and it stops lots of questions.
I think people will be pleased to see you back, there for the grace of … go I, it could have been any one of them who had to deal with what you have had to deal with.
Hope your meeting with HR person goes well, be kind to yourself, good luck Alicex
Just a quick one another lady has pointed out there may be a contra indication on the tamoxifen and dusolepin so scrap that idea for the time being or make sure you check it out if you do decide to go down that route.
I’ll keep an eye out and let you know and will also let you know how my first day back at school woops!! work goes. We’ll be fine.
Love Shonagh xx
I went back 2 weeks after my lumpectomy - I had a sick line to cover me until the Monday but turned up unannounced on the Friday. I work in a small office and they had been informed of my progress through a colleague who emailed and visited regularly. I found going in on the Friday and telling them I was just there cos daytime TV was boring and I was sick of making my own coffee sort of broke the ice a bit, but it also meant I only had a day to do and then a 2 day weekend break before throwing myself back in at the deep end.
Good luck in going back and also with dealing with the complaining customers - I used to work for the complaints department of BT Broadband (business and residential) so I know what it can be like when you get some idiot on the end of the phone whinging on and on … I used to just make rude hand signals at the phone
Similar diagnoses to Custard, mastectomy no node invovement, three weeks of radiotherapy.
Didn’t work thro the treatment as although I job share and work 3 days a week, I teach in a Nursery class in Hackney and I didn’t have the energy to face 25 3-4year olds each day .
My job share partner kindly stepped up to full time for the last 14 weeks.
I had a very profitable visit to Occupational health at St.Pancras Hospital last week and a very suportive letter has been sent to my headteacher on my behalf. As a result tomorrow my job share partner will be in the class all day providing an extra pair of hands.
I’m sure that once I am back it will be as if I have never been away and fortunately its only 2 weeks to the end of term - Yipee!!!
All the best to all those going back I am sure it won’t be as bad as what so many of you have already been through.
I went for dinner at my sisters with the whole clan yesterday and realised just how little conversation I have had over the last 3 months. I am in the middle of a mini meltdown about my happy pills but hopefully this will be sorted tomorrow after a conversation with my wonderful BC nurses. Anyway the long and the short of it is I am not even going to think about the minus side of returning to work and revel in the the fact that a week tomorrow I will be having conversations about who’s put on weight, who’s pregnant and all the other rubbish that goes on in the office. Ah bliss, cant wait. Being a bit Pollyanna perhaps but got to stop myself going quietly mad!!!
I will report back and like Magsi will be wishing for my next break sooner than we can blink. Ah normal life…was it ever really???
Love to all Shonagh xx
I am a teacher and was off work for 11 mths. I went into school in advance to get the kids used to seeing me in a stress free environment (I wasn’t teaching, just chating to them about their work). I was absolutly terrified. I was wearing a wig as my hair was still very thin and short. In fact, this was my biggest concern.
Staff and pupils were great, but I did feel very panicky that first time. I then returned on a phased return which you should have been offered, and I believe they have to pay you your full wage once you return even if you are only working part-time to begin with.
During my time off I decided to return as part-time permanantly and my boss was very supportive, even though he had to get replacment cover at short notice. I know this isn’t the answer for everyone, but if you can manage financially I would say at least consider it. I am 17 mths post diag, 2 ops inc mast, chemo, rads now arimidex which is giving me lots of pain. I def wouldn’t be able to work full time. Last wk I had to work 3 instead of 2 days and I was zonked by thurs pm.
Can you pop in before you start back? Tell your line manager your concerns, even that you do not want to discuss BC on your return and he/she should make sure your colleagues know. As for your hair, try going comando from now on everywhere. I found that once I was happy with myself, I didn’t care as much what other people thought. Oh yes and maybe get it dyed a bright funky colour. Mine was purple, now a rich red. If they are going to stare, at least give them something bright and cheerful to stare at!
Your first day will be your worst, it is the mountain you have to climb back to normality.
When I went back to work (at a small vet practice), my colleagues only spoke about bc if I brought it up. It was harder with the clients, especially if they didn’t know why I had been away and joked about my long ‘holiday’, but when they knew, they were so very supportive. I’m sure you will find the same. Yes, people may look at your hair but that’s only natural. Before my diagnosis, I would see women who’d obviously gone through chemo, and I was full of admiration for them! Still am!!
The hardest thing for me was making small talk at first. Everything seemed so trivial after what I’d been through. Soon got used to it though and have settled back into ‘normality’ now.
I,ve had the works occupational nurse on the phone this morning and she is going to suggest to HR that instead of my 2.5 days that I usually work at 19 hours, I can do 4 hour shifts for 3 days a week so 12 hours for 1 month.
So not too bad to begin with.
My friend is going to dye my hair this afternoon, Chestnut brown is going to be so much better than steel grey. I bought a product called naturtint from my local health food shop, it does not contain any chemicals and promises 100% coverage so I,ll keep you all posted. I,m also going to experiment with gel to see if I can make it look more interesting. I may get some blonde highlites when its a bit longer . Isnt it silly that we come through a thing like BC but get really stressed about what our hair looks like.
I made a point of answering the door for the last few days with no hat or wig on to see if people react ( even the window cleaner didnt look twice) so may not be too bad.
Love to you all
Andrea xx
Hello everyone
I have been following your thread with great interest.
I have been off work for 8 weeks following mast and imm recon (prophylactic). The plan was to have other side done about now, and return to work when recovered from both. Unfortunately there is a bed crisis at my hospital and I am going to have to go back to work while I wait for a date.
I wear a uniform for my job and I look lopsided when wearing it. To make matters worse I work in a very male orientated environment and I am dreading the automatic ‘eyes down’ glances.
My usual way of dealing with a awkward situation is to make a joke but I am at a loss what comeback comments I can make.
I can’t comment on going back to work as I never left, but I was very nervous about going in with my short hair after taking my scarf off. I have found that I have had nothing but compliments on my new short hairdo.
I did have a new hair style including a colour job with streaks in orange and rest brownish and I wore baggy jumpers for about a year. Did nothing for my looks but disguised breast area - I mean the jumper. The hair didn’t disguise anything but drew attention to my bonce
My return to work didn’t quite work out as planned.
My job share partner was in to provide an extra pair of hands but my Nursery Nurser was off as her central heating had broken down.
I was shattered by the end of yesterday with a thick head, I had forgotten how noisy a classroom can be, after being at home for the last few months. Today was similar again, no nursery nurse but job share partner covered - so not a good start, certainly not a phased return and no extra help.
I did make sure that I had an hour for lunch and left at 4 - tube journey each way standing.
It had been suggested to me by Occupational Health that a later start would be better - some people are a bit stuborn (ME!)
Have decided to continue with two days next week (usually do 3 as I job share) and see how I go. Monday starts with P.E. in the hall, oh well good for the leg muscles all that bending and jumping around, perhaps I get some of my arm exercises done at the same time!!!
loads of love to all.
Magsi
