Scared

I had my surgery 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I feel like I’m regressing. I’m gojng for my first wound check with the surgeon today and I’m so glad but scared too as the skin under the clear sticky parts of the dressing look really sore and red, almost burned look. So I’m scared about them getting it all off without any pain. I’m also feeling down about the slowness of my recovery as I still feel uber bruised. Is this all normal?? I’m having bra issues as I’m left with one K cup boob and my new smaller D sized boob. Do you all spend your time scared and worried? I feel like I’m getting worse! 

Hi Karen

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Your post brought back some memories. I took the diagnosis on the chin, even as it got worse week by week, but I went to pieces come the actual surgery. I felt such a wimp but in fact, for many of us, this is normal (and you have to factor in an underlying fear about what next). Like you I was very wary of having the dressing removed and what was there as my dressing looked a brown mess but my fears were groundless, it was healing nicely and the stitches were behaving as they should (I also had a full axillary clearance along with my mastectomy so I had a drain to be removed too - weird feeling but not a pain). But I felt so old and feeble!

Breast care nurses are used to every reaction under the sun so just tell them that you’re anxious. They’ll help. One thing I would advise is to look at your wound in their presence so you can ask if you aren’t sure about anything. You will need too to address the imbalance. You may be offered a softy to augment your smaller breast. Later you’ll have to decide on a permanent solution, whether it’s a prosthesis or more surgery - it depends on the rest of your treatment and how you feel about it all. Meantime, I’d advise comfort bras which you can buy from Asda, M&S etc or, if you’re already familiar with them, sports bras. You need firm support but no friction. I went for Under Armour as they were nice and tight, which is what I needed.

Insensitive though it is considering you have had part of your breast removed, you may have to play around with your softy, pull out and readjust the stuffing till you get the shape you need. (You might want to consider the free knitted knockers which are much softer and easier to reshape - knittedknockersuk.com/request-knockers)

Almost everything you describe is normal at some stage. A general anaesthetic in itself is sometimes hard to recover from. Add the trauma of losing part of your breast and realising you are now lop-sided (albeit temporarily) and it’s a real assault on your psyche - for a range of reasons. I was just glad to get rid of my breast but at the root of my helplessness was the fear of what lay ahead (almost all groundless). Be kind to yourself, rather than critical. Be gentle. Pamper your body and give yourself little treats rather than thinking you are regressing. It’s very early days for you. I always think it’s helpful to consider what you might say to a friend in this position (not what you might secretly think but what you’d actually say) as it’s almost always kind and encouraging rather than harsh and critical. 

And DO THOSE EXERCISES. They are essential. Best of luck for whatever lies ahead,

Jan x

Hello karen1967

i am also nearly 3 weeks post op WLE and mamoplasty. I felt really good the 1st couple of days post op . I felt a little better every day until I got to 2 weeks ! , your wound will hopefully look better than you thought! . At 2 weeks I feel I have come to a stand still . My boob is still sore , I have little energy and everything is an effort . I thought I would feel better by now . 
so don’t beat yourself up , it’s still early days . Hopefully you will feel more reassured after you have seen the nurse for dressing change 

big hug x

I feel scared a lot of the time so I keep busy and try and go swimming at least once a week and do exercise and walking every day for about forty minutes with our dog and my husband. Maybe not in that order .

Nobody is going to be fully delighted by one bosom bigger by far than the other . We can’t operate on ourselves so we put our bodies in the hands of others.

I find it extraordinarily difficult to trust them especially in view of recent horrors in the press about one particular surgeon now in prison I believe. Luckily the incidence of such treatment is low due to National Breast Cancer Standards but there’s still a lot of trust needed when you hand yourself over to another.

in time I hope you get some further surgery to even you up, or a bit of padding to put in your bra which makes it look better. No one will know as most people are much more interested in themselves than anyone else! So they will no doubt have anxieties about their bodies that they are hiding from you. Keep busy and have some fun. I went to a musical called Blood Brothers the other day in Hastings. It was absolutely brilliant.

Seagulls