This is my first post as my mum was diagnosed with grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma 2 weeks ago. we are devastated and scared particularly as the tumour is 8cm and they can’t do the mastectomy yet, they need to shrink it first. should we be worried about that?
I am struggling to cope as my mum and dad r separated so i am supporting mum through the early stages and appointments. My brother is away at uni and mums sisters work so it only leaves me but i live 2 hours away and work full time, im taking time off sick at the moment. feel guilty for leaving my husband to come and look after mum and i know i will even more guilty when i have to go back to work and leave mum. She doesnt want to leave her home but how will she cope on her own? She also has reumatoid arthritis so is going to struggle i think, even more than most women on chemo. she is having ect chemo, does anyone have experience of this?
We have been told her bone scan was clear; some of the tumour is dcis and from the ultrasound they couldn’t find any sign of spread to the lymph nodes. am i right to feel positive and optimistic about these things? We are waiting for ct scan results and im scared they will say there is secondary cancer.
To make it even worse i had a row with my husband who phoned me asking why i haven’t cone home seeing as there are no appointments now until next wk which just made me feel under so much more pressure as i just didn’t feel i cud leave mum but i know i have to eventually!
Hi Jackie,
so sorry to read of your Mum’s diagnosis, on top of everything else that’s a lot to come to terms with.
So, the ‘good’ news is that it’s grade 2 (grades go from 1 to 3, with 3 being the most aggressive) and that it sounds as if her nodes may well be clear. It’s great that the bone scan is clear - let’s hope the CT is too.
I had an 8cm grade 3 tumour diagnosed just over a year ago and have now completed a full course of treatment - chemo first, then surgery then radiotherapy. I am now fit and well and ‘moving forward’. I live alone and was able to maintain my independence all through my treatment but did need practical help after my surgery. I was able to get help from friends and neighbours - my nearest family live 6 hours away!
I don’t know you Mum’s age, but an guessing she is probably not all that much older than me - maybe up to a decade or so (I’m late forties) which means that age is on her side in terms of coping with chemo. There are lots of ladies on here of all ages who have had chemo. The hopsital will do their best to tailor the treatment to you mum’s needs, taking account of her other health issues.
Your hopsital should allocate you a breast cancer nurse, and these can be so amazing at knowing where to get support. ALso see if there is a MacMillan support officer who can advise on financial help, transport etc. Is there a Maggie’s Centre or Haven or some such nearby? These offer complementary therpaies and support groups as well as advice. This should be avaialble to you as well as to your mum. You could also phone the helpline on the main website and/or check the leaflets which are really good.
Be gentle with yourslef just now, you are in schock and so is your mum. Hopefully your OH will have calmed down by now and be ready to support you - maybe his shock came out all wrong?
Gentle hug, and come back here as often as you need to.
I would love to write you a nice long reply, but need to dash, but wanted to write quickly. I’ve got 3 lumps - the biggest is 9cm and I have spread to my lymph nodes and have just finished chemo to shrink the tumours before my mastectomy in 3 weeks time (I’m having a double mastectomy as am 33 and don’t want to go through this again!). It does sound terrifyingly big and to say I was shocked when told is an understatement! I didn’t even know tumours could get that big! They always talked about pea-sized lumps!! However, there are quite a few ladies on here having chemo first to shrink the tumours and my onc is treating to cure - fingers crossed!
If your mum has no lymph node involvement then that’s great! There will be ladies with tiny tumours and have lymph node involvement - so suddenly the size of the tumour isn’t as important.
Don’t forget that the majority of breast cancers are curable.
I also wanted to say that I understand what it’s like to be in your position as I lost my mother to breast cancer. My dad went AWOL when I was little, so it was just me, my mum and my sis. Now that I am in the position of the cancer patient I can honestly say that I feel more in control and less scared than when I was the daughter of one! Of course I have my wobbly moments too.
It is great that you are there for your mum. Explain to your husband that this is, emotionally, the really tough part for both you and your mum. Once you get all of the results and the treatment plan in place and started, things will settle and you’ll both feel more in control of the situation rather than being dragged along in a whirlwind of tests and jargon. Life will then settle down into much more of a routine. I know that doesn’t sound possible and it seems as though things will get worse, especially if the word chemo is mentioned. I was told the same when I started off - and it WAS true. Oh, and chemo wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
Come back and ask any questions you might have. And maybe suggest this forum to your mum? It’s been an absiolute saviour to all of us.
What great replies to have got already.
This treating tumours to shrink them before surgery is happening more and more. And you get to see if the chemo is working which is more than the rest of us do.
The angles I can offer experience on is being older and having other illness problems. I was 65 when diagnosed last summer, and had already had a rough few years with a lung problem, probably auto immune, sometimes thought to be related to rheumatoid arthritis. I was on oxygen for 6 months, loads of steroids and also other drugs used for rhematoid, and actually considered for cyclophosphamide one of our breast cancer chemo drugs, but not given it as “the side effects are so bad”
Invasive ductal cancer and DCIS found at routine screening, ultra sound suggested glands OK and they were, but Grade 3 and Triple Negative so had chemo. I had FEC6, and while not prtending it was great I got through much better than the oncologist expected, and my lungs are now better than they have been for years!
Hope that gives you both some encouragement, get your Mum on here,she will find people who know what she feels like and be able to off load and even laugh! Doesn’t seem possible right now, but it’s true
Lavender
xx
Thank u everyone for amazing replies already. these have really helped calm me Disney a bit. its so reassuring to know that this is the worst time and that it will get easier, my mum is strong and i know she can fight this so i will keep on pushing her!
Good luck with all of your battles. i will definitely be using this forum as we go along, its amazing how all of u have come together to fight bc xx