scared :-(

My op is scheduled for 5th (weds), haing the radioactive stuff day before at another hospital, having dye and mastectomy at my local hospital. I am so scared. Iknow I’m pushing people away. Have requested no one see me in hospital . Don’t want people seeing me poorly, just want to get in and out of hospital as quick as possible. Worried about my kids (14 +17 yrs) what they’re going to think as the have never seen me have a day off work ! Hubby being positive saying it will be gone, don’t think he quite understands that it might not be if it’s in the lymph. All getting a bit close and feeling a bit fragile now as I worked up to Friday.Feel better for putting things in writing.


Try not to push people away. This is something that you will find very difficult to do on your own when you have family and friends who are concerned about you and want to help.

No one on here knows who you are - so feel free to open up and talk it through with us.

Don’t bottle it up.

Deb x

Poor you 1234
It is scary isn’t it? My hubby is the same - only voicing the positive. I know this is partly to support me and partly to try and manage his own worry.
Your family want to support you as I’m sure you done for them all their lives. Imagine if they said “I don’t want you there Mum.”
Unfortunately our children have to learn the realities of life and you are human. You will find it difficult to deal with this alone.
We all need support sometimes, even the strongest ones. It isn’t a sign of weakness.
However, when I was in hospital having my op, one of the ladies had a husband who was such a loud mouthed pain the b*m - everyone wished he wasn’t there! You could see the poor lady squirming.
Maybe speak to the BCC helpline in the morning and talk it through with them.
Remember, it’s appropriate to be scared. We all are.
Good luck.

Hello 1234,
So sorry you are feeling this way.
I was also extremely resistant to other people’s involvement before my op but once I let them in a bit i felt a little less scared. I had a lumpectomy so it wasn’t as much to deal with as you have. But i may have to think about a mastectomy as well.
It takes a lot for me to accept help but when I do I feel better and much stronger for it.
Hope you keep posting to us about this
Best wishes to you.

Hello 1234,

Oh, my heart goes out to you - your family will be so worried about you right now, and I think I can understand where you’re coming from in not wanting visitors whilst you’re in hospital. But… imagine if it was the other way round - you’d be so reassured by seeing your loved one after their op, wouldn’t you? However, if you really don’t want visitors whilst you’re in hospital, why not leave a little pressie wrapped up for your husband and each of your two kids, then they can be opening it up after your op and thinking about you. They can always phone the ward to find out how you are.

However, have you thought that you may not look that poorly afterwards in hospital? I can only speak for myself, but after all 5 of my ops I’ve been lucky enough to look ok afterwards. I’ve not had the post-op nausea and sickness that some people have admittedly, and hope that you’ll be ok after yours. Do you know if you’re going down in the morning or afternoon? If it’s morning ops like most of mine were, you’ll probably be a bit drowsy but otherwise reasonably ok by teatime onwards. If your op is mid or late afternoon, then you may be too drowsy for visitors later anyway.

I’m glad you felt better for writing your post. You don’t have to be brave you know! Write what you want here, n we’ll all be here for you. The important thing is to take good care of yourself, and be kind to yourself too.

With much love!
Shelley xxx

How brave of you to post here on the Forums. I wish I could give you a big hug of empathy.
It will all seem out of your control and the unknown is so frightening. You are doing what comes naturally- protecting and caring for the feelings your children and partner. They will want to do the same for you and helping you through this might be their way of showing their love for you. It is so hard to know what to do for the best and you know your family. I protect my husband from my tears and I am sure he finds this hard, but I can’t stop myself. If he tries to buck me up with positive statements I don’t contradict him? Most of us have gone in and out of denial, anger, fear and helplessness. I find it a lonely thing in some ways. At times I put my head in the sand rather than share my fright. The Helpline is superb. Give them a call- they are used to tears and fear. I have even called them five minutes before my first chemotherapy when I had a panic about a treatment options.The Forums are also good and everybody who posts seems understand because they are going through similiar feelings. It is a community that I find helps so much, especially in the wee small hours.
I so hope the operation might not be as traumatic as you think. I had a bilateral mastectomy and was up and about the next day -(suprised to only need mild pain killers). I was very lucky and was not nauseated and the care was superb.
Have you got a Breast Care Nurse ?it might be that she too will be able to help you.
I will be thinking of you.
Lots of best wishes and Hugs

Hi 1234

and everyone else, I have my op next week, Mx and sentinal node and frankly I am terrified. Please don’t push anyone away at this time because I think we need all the support we can get. I am trying to get through this week as best I can.

I am afraid of the future as well but just try to take it on day at a time, phone the help line as well they are really good.

I too try to protect my hubby and kids but I feel that I need a cuddle when I cry it’s just being human.

Good luck to you and best wishes.M

Hi girlies
I,m now post op 10 months and like you wanted to see me unwell, now when I look back I was so pleased my family ignored my request… My youngest sister was there when I came back from the op loaded with arm full of flowers and chocs along with my daughter…
I think seeing them was the best tonic tho not one I would have chosen myself, My daughter said if she had,nt been there she would have been heartbroken so I have to agree with the other girls on here try not to shut people out as they are a godsend when your on the next stage of this journey.
My love to you all who are embarking on it, it really is,nt a journey that you would want to travel alone… I have no other half and without my familys support I think I would have lost the plot.
I felt remarkably good when i,d had my op so I,m hoping you all are the same… dont be scared (easy to say) were all here to bounce your gremlins off.
Good luck we,ll be thinking of you all xxxx

Sorry to disagree with everyone, but I am with 1234 here. when i am ill I am like a wounded animal that hides in its burrow to lick its wounds. On both this op, and with previous major surgery everyone had strict instructions for the time I was in hospital, no visits, no phone calls, no flowers.

once i was home then my grown up children could come up and see me in bed, but no visitors to the house till i was dressed and downstairs.

I did email people a lot and kept in touch that way, and accepted all sort of help of lifts and bits of shopping when my husband was not around. It helps me recover better and feel better.

I am just weird that way, but my friends and family are used to me being weird

OAL - not ‘wierd’ m’dear, ‘wired’… we are all wired differently and need to be true to ourselves.

1234 you will find your way through this, and if you prefer not to be visited in hopsital that’s absolutely fine. There is a difference between wanting privacy and pushing people away, and we each have to work out for ourselves what that looks like. becuase my role in life is very public, I appointed a couple of rottweilers (guard dogs)to control my visitors - people were only allowed to come at the times they said and for the durations specified, and I decided what that meant.

You will cope.

Gentle non-space-invasive hug

Thank you all x

Best wishes for tomorrow and the radioactive injection today
Thinking about youxxx

1234 - My MX and node clearance is the 13th and i am terrified as well . Its normal !!!
I also had a wobbly last week when i told my mother that she wouldnt have to worry about where the hospital was as she would not be going…i did apologise . I was feeling so sorry for myself. I have just finished chemo so the thought of folk seeing me kinda stripped bare scares me , no hair, eyelashes , eyebrows then BOOB !!!

However i am fine now , people want to be there for us , let them . I have managed to work 1 week in 3 through my chemo , my kids have been fine as its all about our attitude to this and you sound like a fighter , you are just coming to terms with this c*** . Good luck and sending u a cuddle…

Lorna xxx


I am scared also, I haven’t had any treatment yet so I’m pretty terrified all round, I just want the op over and done with, whilst I am dreading it, I am sure that it can’t be as bad as all this waiting around!!

I am just having Mx no recon as I can’t face that as well but having a bad day today so sorry for the moan!!


I hope it all went well. I’m going in for my mx tomorrow and am so scared. I was advised against reconstruction at this stage but nit’s taken about 4 weeks to get to this stage and whilst i’m very anxious i think it will be easier once the op is over if that makes sense.

I haven’t been able to face looking at the site really until today and it really struck a chord. I’ve been overwhelmed by the diagnosis and the good well when we’ve told people. I think you have to do what you need to to get through this. I think people are very understanding if you explain how you feel.

hope we can keep in touch as we’re going through this at more or less the same time.

best wishes



I go for my node thing tomorrow and op on Thurs, frankly I am terrified but it needs to be done so there we go.

Best wishes for you and everyone else this week. M

How did it all go 1234, Lorna & Applestreet. Hope you are more or less back to normal now operation is over.
Ca kles

Hello there to 1234, Lorna and Applestreet,

Yes, like Cackles, I’ve been thinking about you all too. I hope things went straightforward for you, and that you’re all beginning to recuperate after the ops. Please let us know how you are, whenever you feel able…

I really think the waiting is the worst - ops arent nice by any means, but by the time they come round, the waiting is over… and what makes the waiting the worst, is that you’ve only just had a life-altering diagnosis which is bad enough in itself, without having to wait for an op as well.

So much love to all 3 of you, and also to Cackles and everyone else too!

Shelley xxx

Well, got my results, 2 out of the nodes were positive so I have to go and have the axillary clearance on the 2nd November. There is also the probability of chemo after…my life sucks :frowning: