Secondary support group excellent but then ladies die

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I attend the Harrogate and York BCC secondary support group held monthly in Wetherby. At first I wasn’t sure if it would be of use but I’ve  been attending for over a year and have found the openness, bravery and good spirits of the members really inspirational. Practical ideas to overcome niggling problems, a heads up on others experience of a new drug and just the nice warm feeling that all in the group really do know where you are coming from with thoughts and feelings regarding your terminal diagnosis has made it a very useful experience for me. 

The problem is that as expected for a group of this type people regularly die and this is terrifying and unsettling for those left.

Our group has had a bad run with the disappearance of a number of ladies who have in fact died and this leaves a huge hole. I’m going through a bit of a bad patch at the moment and the last 2 deaths have hit me really hard. What do other groups do to handle this situation? What’s making it harder is the group isn’t always told and so we all wonder if a member is ok or not. BCC don’t seem to have a policy for sharing this information with the group.

i wonder what is being done in other areas to address this? What would bereavement services suggest?

Any help gratefully received xx

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Hi

I’m really pleased to hear that the Living with Secondary Breast Cancer Service has been a valuable source of support and information to you over the past year. I can absolutely understand how upsetting it can be for a group when someone who you have all got to know dies. We have been doing a lot of work with the therapists who facilitate these services across the UK over the past few months to look at how we can best support you in situations like this including having a space to remember these women and to openly discuss the feelings it raises for the group. I’d be really happy to chat with you about some of our thoughts and get your views if you want to get in touch with me via our Sheffield office on 0345 077 1893.

With regard to letting you know when someone dies - if we are notified then we always pass this information on to the therapist who can let the group know - unfortunately we don’t always get this information ourselves.

With best wishes

Sylvia

Head of Specialist Support Services