Am definitely feeling the toll of this last cycle on my tough week this week and seem to have lost my mojo a bit today. Thursday is usually the worst day. I dropped the steroids to 1 tablet of 2mg twice a day as couldn’t sleep and it keeps me wired but as a result am not hungry. Stressed on the work front. Boss scheduled a catch up before his long holiday this year and to talk about interview feedback tomorrow, job I applied internally… feedback is not a positive word in English so feeling really low.
Maybe I just need to go away on holiday, rest and recover and tackle EC the best I can and look for a job in the new year. It’s just been way too much lately.I could also teach as am a horse riding instructor in the meantime.
Anyway wish me luck for tomorrow but I have a feeling I may need a lot of cuddles and encouragements 
🩷
good luck for tomorrow pinklilli between chemos 4-5 was where I found I really had to keep focused and keep looking forward and that there was 2 more to tick off and I’d already promised myself a treat of bottle of Chanel when I’d finished chemo, so if it works and helps you plan yourselves a treat whatever you want that will help lift your spirit knowing you’ve got through chemo and your I did it reward 
Shi xx
I feel I really have to dig deep and this potential negative news tomorrow is taking away a little the joy so to speak of the near end of this chemo cycle. I am treating myself to a trip to Düsseldorf Christmas markets, partner is coming w me, and it’s all booked so job or no job am going! Good because otherwise I might have tried to put money first and save some wnno job but I think I really need it and have rest of my life to make money . No’s it’s pouring and it’s time to enjoy. I really look forward to those 4 days! No strikes pls 
that’s it pinklilli do things for you like the markets and the horse riding in Windsor park you mentioned I’ve said on here before it tries to take your joy, but like you are doing you are digging deep and looking forward, getting things to do and plans you might find you do live in the moment more and not put things off, think that’s how it changes a lot of us, what I’m trying to say is you can tend to have a **ck it attitude after treatments and that’s not a bad thing, it’s like having your eyes opened wide, you may have already found your senses heightened, things like sunlight on trees, sound of the rain etc I know lots of us found our senses heightened Shi xx
Best of luck for today @pinklilli3s I’ll be thinking of you. Even the fact you’ve gone for the job shows how amazing you are, I’m in awe of you. And it’s brilliant that you’re getting away for a few days, you won’t regret it. I think we all need a break.
Agree on lack of mental health support, I’ve found the chemo nurses at The Christie fab but my dedicated breast cancer nurse via my local nhs hospital has been not great. I’ve actively avoided any contact, find her cold and unhelpful. I wonder if she’s jaded by cuts and waiting lists etc. However, one thing I’d really recommend is MacMillan’s six free counselling sessions available to cancer patients. I did them before I started chemo and they really sorted my head out. You have to proactively apply (no one directs you to it) but it’s 100% worth it. Xxxxx
Thank you Will keep you posted. 8am so tablets time and will try to go back to bed for a bit before meeting.
I found the nurses ok and very nice but sometimes just been blaze and saying things a couple of times a bit mean, like I was a flower after my reactions and that I was a pest this week for wanting the heating higher in room because I was feeling the cold a lot this time. I responded back to them and told them it’s not my fault and that was mean, she said am teasing. Didn’t find it funny. But the next day since I was coming for injection I wore a jumper I normally keep riding but that says " I am trouble" in shiny black sequins. I said look since you said I was a pest I thought I’d wore this jumper w pride and make sure I wore the T shirt so to speak. She apologised and tried to make it like it was nothing but I didn’t find it nothing on the day before really! But at least I pushed back!
@Shi I’ve always loved nature and felt so ever grateful to be able to ride since I was 4 even if only on and off. I started as a ride leader in France on the beach in the south. Mad happy. Here in Windsor every day is a different day, even if I ride every day, nature chaanges and it’s beautiful. Whatever happens I am employed till end of January. Medical cover can be extended till end of April for 3 months so hopefully hopefully operation (April) w current breast consultant will be covered within those time frames and it will be only the RT that I will do on NHS. 🩷
@pinklilli3s good luck. It sounds like you are mentally prepared if it doesn’t go your way. If it doesn’t there will be other jobs and other bosses. A new scene might be just what you need after this year. Chin up, know your own worth and keep your head held high.
You are coming out the other side of this cycle so the next few days you will no doubt start to feel a bit better physically which will help mentally. I’ll be thinking of you. Take care.
Thank you. Sadly I didn’t get the job 
@pinklilli3s Sorry to hear about the job. That must be tough after the effort you put in especially with everything else going on. Please treat yourself kindly and take it easy for a day or two. I hope you have some good support and people who can remind you that we are all more than our jobs. You will find something else and hopefully you will want it as much as the job you didn’t get. Lots of love and big hugs.
Pinklilli sorry to hear you didn’t get the job, the right door will open keep applying Shi xx
Sorry to hear that. On top of everything else this isn’t what you want to hear.
Get out and see your horses they’ll make you feel better.
Is that via Bupa?
I was looking on their website and it looks like they outsource. I’m definitely feeling I need something.
Hi @naughty_boob yes it’s via Bupa (link below). The first counsellor they gave me didn’t work out, so I asked them to provide a list and picked from that. My second counsellor through them was brilliant - she’d previously had cancer herself so just got it. I reckon it has changed how I’m dealing with having cancer. Can dm you her name if you like? Xxx
@pinklilli3s sorry you didn’t get the job xx
I agree on lack of emotional support via NHS. I’ve used AXA through work and found it useful, I struggled after the mastectomy and DIEP so had it then
I had 5th docotaxel last Friday, the bone pain Monday and Tuesday was unreal, any position I sat or lay in was painful. That’s passed now but my feet are painful again plus hands are bright red, you can see it creeping in the day, and peeling skin too
Was worried Thursday evening suddenly my cheeks were bright red and hot but no temperature, rang red card - find I feel I’m being told off but I’m scared of anything going wrong so close to the 6th and final chemo
They advised just monitoring my temperature which hasn’t altered so just looking flushed! Subsequently I’ve found that is also a side effect of Docetaxel - reckon I’ve had them all!!
Have a good day all xx
A name would be great. I have counselling via work if I need but not sure they are ‘cancer’ specialist or have anyone with experience.
Thank you.
I know what you mean about being told off. They tell you to call if there is a problem but I think they are so overwhelmed you are just another one they have to deal with.
I have started having problems with my nails. One nail is beginning to lift, I can’t be bothered to call them. I did a Look Good Feel Better hand and nails workshop and they gave some really good advice using Vicks Vaporub (camphor is antiseptic). I also have some Fucidin (antibiotic cream) and hydrocortisone 1% ( lower strength than recommended NHS website) I’ll give it a few days and see how it goes. It’s only just the tip end so maybe I can keep the rest attached. I didn’t paint my nails with Paclitaxel until half way after the LGFB course. My team didn’t say much at all about it. I found the nail painting on the forum. I wish they had said earlier as well as cold therapy during and after chemotherapy. I use rapid relief slippers from Amazon (LGFB recommended) and ice pack for nails on return home, they don’t stay frozen enough to use during treatment.
So many things are side effects, they give you the list ‘skin and nails changes’ but nothing to support it or go into detail.
Then they say don’t Google things, you don’t have a choice if they don’t provide the information in detail. My team wait until you have the side effect then deal with it. I had terrible sore throat and mouth, luckily no ulcers and I gargled with salt water from the beginning and then added bicarbonate of soda as well. While I was in hospital the doctor wondered why I hadn’t been prescribed chlorhexidine mouth wash already. Since using it my symptoms have diminished, I suffered for 8 weeks!
My counsellor via MacMillan was called Gabrielle Oliver, I thought she was excellent. Xxxx
Mine is Gabrielle Forshaw via Penny Brohn xx
Feel really annoyed at my mother-in-law who insisted on going to a family do on Saturday despite being obviously ill. Turns out she’s subsequently tested positive for covid, so potentially my husband and kids have been exposed. If I get it and my final chemo on 21st Dec is delayed I’ll be gutted. It’s also gutting as my kids break up for Christmas on Friday and I’d planned lots of nice things with them before my chemo. Really hope they don’t get ill.
It’s the first time during my treatment I’ve felt this pissed off with someone, it just feels mindlessly selfish and stupid. She’s fully aware of my treatment schedule and that I’m immunocompromised. I gave the get together a wide berth as suspected this might happen, just wish I’d been stronger in conveying my views so my husband didn’t go. Arghhh! Feel better for venting.